3-21-09...FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
I washed your sweet face and kissed tears from your eyes.
Let you do some things while I sat and cried.
I doctored skinned knees and cooked favorite meals.
Only a Mother could know how it feels.
I watched you grow and guided your first steps.
Had to turn loose when you no longer needed my help.
I baked a million cookies and poured the pop.
As long as I lived I never wanted to stop.
I sat many nights beside you when you were ill.
Then Prayed my Thanks to God, you were once again well.
As I watched you cry or watched you at play.
I didn't think of the time when you'd be away.
I liked to watch your every move, catching you before you fall.
Choosing your friends for you.
The day I watched you go off to school, me crying like a fool.
Never knowing then that worse was to come.
I was to lose you for good, my only Son.
I still cry, but you are still here with me it seems.
You are here in my heart, You are here in my dreams.
THE LORD GIVETH AND TAKE AWAY
God gave you to me to love and to keep.
For a little while but now I weep.
God took you back I can not ask why.
It was hard to accept but I must try.
I miss you so much, but you're here in a way.
You left Mama so much behind
like sweet things you would say.
Your smile is in the stars that twinkle in the night.
I see your sweet face in the sun smiling and bright.
I feel your touch in a puppy so fluffy and sweet.
Your kiss come on the gentle breezes that caress my cheek.
You are now Gods little Angel and safe in His love.
I"ll see you again Son in your home Above.
Clydene Overbey 1988
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE
3-20-09...OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!
I want to tell you about my day. It was a few days ago but still fresh in my mind. What started out as a normal day ended up in the craziest day I've had in a long time.
I got up bright and early, had my coffee while I checked out everyone and everything on The Hill. Just a usual morning for me. I had my day planned and a mental list of all I was going to do. That was my first mistake. Planning a day in advance always seems to run amuck for me. I know better than to try and be organized so why in the heck do I try it?
After The hill time I went to the kitchen to cook breakfast. I got out the bacon and put 10 slices in the skillet to fry. Five for me and five for Don. I put another skillet on the stove with a little bit of corn oil and turned the burner on low. Put the bacon back in the refer and took out two big brown eggs. Very organized I'm a thinkin'. Saving steps and puttin' things away as I go. Just like my Mama taught me. Well I guess my nose was too high in the air from self pattin' on the back right then, cause I didn't see Moses's squeaky toy on the floor. I stepped on that sucker and it squeaked real loud. I threw up my hands and shrieked. Guess what? The eggs flew outta' my hands and hit the cabinets, dribbled on down to the floor and the shells wound up at my feet. Moses who is always at my feet got his share of spray. Now there is nothing in the world I hate more than cleaning up slimy egg. Yukky! But clean it up I did and it was scattered everywhere. Ok now I said to myself go get two more eggs. I hated to waste those farm grown big brown eggs but it was done now. Hey! I'm cool, I aint going nuts, or rantin' and ravin', At least not yet!!!
I got the eggs and very carefully brought them over to the skillet. Heck fire what is that smell! Oh no that cotton pickin' oil must be old cause it stinks to high heaven. Ok, no problem, I put the eggs on the counter and turn off the skillet. I'll have to clean it up later but right now get another skillet and put fresh oil in it from the new bottle I shoulda' used in the first place. Turned it on low and cracked the eggs in there to fry. I look over to my bacon and it has cooked so long on one side that it is stuck to the pan. Good bacon will stick if you don't watch it close and this was good lean bacon. I took care of that put some bread to toast, poured a glass of milk for me and a cup of coffee for Don. Heck I'm going now I thought and was beginning to feel real proud of myself again. Breakfast came out good and I had more coffee, got myself dressed and went on to the next item on my agenda which was stripping sheets from beds. I like to have fresh sheets and pj's and robe, the whole bit for bedtime. I hung my bedspreads out on the deck to air out. Boy I'm a gonna' sleep good tonight I thought.
My organization was going by the wayside fast though cause I was beginning to think I'd bit off more than I could chew in one day. My mental list was just too dang long.
By the time I got the beds all put back together nicely it was dinner time. Our noon meal is our big meal of the day and then snacking for supper. I was going to fix steak, potato salad, and broccoli. Well that didn't go well either, I made one mess after another but I wont go in to it all. Just suffice to say after supper that evening I was draggin' big time. I made my way back to The Hill for a while, watched some TV, then I was ready for a hot shower. But!!!! When I had put the last batch of clothes in the washer I had not remembered to put them in the dryer. My favorite clean sweet smelling PJ's were not dry. Well heck fire now I'm getting' flustered a bit. I had others but I wanted those to sleep in tonight. I put them in the dryer and waited for them to get dry. I was nodding now and my eyes were drooping on me. Didn't see how I was gonna' stay awake much longer.
Finally the dryer stopped. I got my pj's robe and underclothes and hurried in to the bathroom. Now folks here is where it gets really bad. I mean bad with a capital B and thats BAD. I usually put my night clothes on the closed commode while I am in the shower and that's what I did. Only trouble was , the lid was not closed on the commode. NOPE!!. My Pj's and my under clothes just soaked right on down in to the stool as slick as butter. YEP!!! Sure did! Good thing was I don't allow my toilet to go unflushed so it was clear water. I stood there stunned and watched this and then thats when I came unglued. I went totally berserk I mean off the wall. I was shaking and sobbing. Must not have been loud cause Don never even knew what happened, and if you tell him I'm gonna have to murder you in your sleep!!!! YEP!
I just got a trash bag and put the wet things in it dumped them in the washer, got more pj's and took a long hot shower. It was close to midnight when I got in bed but I slept like a hibernating bear. No one around here will ever hear this story so don't you breathe a word of it. OK?
I want to tell you about my day. It was a few days ago but still fresh in my mind. What started out as a normal day ended up in the craziest day I've had in a long time.
I got up bright and early, had my coffee while I checked out everyone and everything on The Hill. Just a usual morning for me. I had my day planned and a mental list of all I was going to do. That was my first mistake. Planning a day in advance always seems to run amuck for me. I know better than to try and be organized so why in the heck do I try it?
After The hill time I went to the kitchen to cook breakfast. I got out the bacon and put 10 slices in the skillet to fry. Five for me and five for Don. I put another skillet on the stove with a little bit of corn oil and turned the burner on low. Put the bacon back in the refer and took out two big brown eggs. Very organized I'm a thinkin'. Saving steps and puttin' things away as I go. Just like my Mama taught me. Well I guess my nose was too high in the air from self pattin' on the back right then, cause I didn't see Moses's squeaky toy on the floor. I stepped on that sucker and it squeaked real loud. I threw up my hands and shrieked. Guess what? The eggs flew outta' my hands and hit the cabinets, dribbled on down to the floor and the shells wound up at my feet. Moses who is always at my feet got his share of spray. Now there is nothing in the world I hate more than cleaning up slimy egg. Yukky! But clean it up I did and it was scattered everywhere. Ok now I said to myself go get two more eggs. I hated to waste those farm grown big brown eggs but it was done now. Hey! I'm cool, I aint going nuts, or rantin' and ravin', At least not yet!!!
I got the eggs and very carefully brought them over to the skillet. Heck fire what is that smell! Oh no that cotton pickin' oil must be old cause it stinks to high heaven. Ok, no problem, I put the eggs on the counter and turn off the skillet. I'll have to clean it up later but right now get another skillet and put fresh oil in it from the new bottle I shoulda' used in the first place. Turned it on low and cracked the eggs in there to fry. I look over to my bacon and it has cooked so long on one side that it is stuck to the pan. Good bacon will stick if you don't watch it close and this was good lean bacon. I took care of that put some bread to toast, poured a glass of milk for me and a cup of coffee for Don. Heck I'm going now I thought and was beginning to feel real proud of myself again. Breakfast came out good and I had more coffee, got myself dressed and went on to the next item on my agenda which was stripping sheets from beds. I like to have fresh sheets and pj's and robe, the whole bit for bedtime. I hung my bedspreads out on the deck to air out. Boy I'm a gonna' sleep good tonight I thought.
My organization was going by the wayside fast though cause I was beginning to think I'd bit off more than I could chew in one day. My mental list was just too dang long.
By the time I got the beds all put back together nicely it was dinner time. Our noon meal is our big meal of the day and then snacking for supper. I was going to fix steak, potato salad, and broccoli. Well that didn't go well either, I made one mess after another but I wont go in to it all. Just suffice to say after supper that evening I was draggin' big time. I made my way back to The Hill for a while, watched some TV, then I was ready for a hot shower. But!!!! When I had put the last batch of clothes in the washer I had not remembered to put them in the dryer. My favorite clean sweet smelling PJ's were not dry. Well heck fire now I'm getting' flustered a bit. I had others but I wanted those to sleep in tonight. I put them in the dryer and waited for them to get dry. I was nodding now and my eyes were drooping on me. Didn't see how I was gonna' stay awake much longer.
Finally the dryer stopped. I got my pj's robe and underclothes and hurried in to the bathroom. Now folks here is where it gets really bad. I mean bad with a capital B and thats BAD. I usually put my night clothes on the closed commode while I am in the shower and that's what I did. Only trouble was , the lid was not closed on the commode. NOPE!!. My Pj's and my under clothes just soaked right on down in to the stool as slick as butter. YEP!!! Sure did! Good thing was I don't allow my toilet to go unflushed so it was clear water. I stood there stunned and watched this and then thats when I came unglued. I went totally berserk I mean off the wall. I was shaking and sobbing. Must not have been loud cause Don never even knew what happened, and if you tell him I'm gonna have to murder you in your sleep!!!! YEP!
I just got a trash bag and put the wet things in it dumped them in the washer, got more pj's and took a long hot shower. It was close to midnight when I got in bed but I slept like a hibernating bear. No one around here will ever hear this story so don't you breathe a word of it. OK?
Friday, March 20, 2009
THINKING OF GRANDMA
3-19-09...THINKING OF GRANDMA
GRANDMAS PATCHWORK QUILTS
Grandma was always sewing,
Thats the way I remember her.
She'd set there for hours, her quilt box by her chair.
This box contained many scraps
of material she had used, to make clothing
for all of us, and she never got them confused.
She would say, This piece is from the dress
that I made for you.
This one is from a shirt
your Brother ruined when it was new.
This is from your Mamas skirt.
She still wears it today.
Heres one from the patches in your Daddies pants,
Then she would say,
This quilt will be a remembrance for you and me.
It contains a part of all of us.
What a joy its now to see.
Clydene Overbey
GRANDMAS APRON
Grandma always wore an apron
Twas a part of getting dressed.
It was starched and ironed so neatly.
Never a crumpled mess.
She made her aprons lovingly
of scraps in her quilt box.
She put it on each morning
same as her shoes and socks.
that apron was a part of Grandma
she wore it everywhere.
My Grandma without her apron
Wouldn't be Grandma, Thats for sure.
Clydene Overbey
GRANDMAS PATCHWORK QUILTS
Grandma was always sewing,
Thats the way I remember her.
She'd set there for hours, her quilt box by her chair.
This box contained many scraps
of material she had used, to make clothing
for all of us, and she never got them confused.
She would say, This piece is from the dress
that I made for you.
This one is from a shirt
your Brother ruined when it was new.
This is from your Mamas skirt.
She still wears it today.
Heres one from the patches in your Daddies pants,
Then she would say,
This quilt will be a remembrance for you and me.
It contains a part of all of us.
What a joy its now to see.
Clydene Overbey
GRANDMAS APRON
Grandma always wore an apron
Twas a part of getting dressed.
It was starched and ironed so neatly.
Never a crumpled mess.
She made her aprons lovingly
of scraps in her quilt box.
She put it on each morning
same as her shoes and socks.
that apron was a part of Grandma
she wore it everywhere.
My Grandma without her apron
Wouldn't be Grandma, Thats for sure.
Clydene Overbey
Thursday, March 19, 2009
THOUGHTS OF SPRING
3-19-09...THOUGHTS ON SPRING
Just a few of my thoughts on spring. These were published in 1993 in Gods Beauty, A collection of Spring.
MARCH
I glimpsed a Robin outside my window,
Bobbing his head and trilling a tune.
I thought to myself, That little one
Is in my yard too soon.
For March winds are a blowing
Their crisp breaths all around that tree
where that little bird sits.
And the nip in the air feels fall, not spring.
Maybe he shouldn't be here yet.
Then I glance at my flower bed, covered with brown leafs,
under the oak tree where the Robin sings,
What do I see but little green heads,
struggling upward to be seen.
Green shoots of an Iris, a tulip, and a hyacinth,
that tells me Spring is indeed near.
That Robin knows where he is, it is the scheme of things.
No, that Robin need not have any fear.
Clydene Overbey
SPRING
The sun is shining brightly, air is crisp and sweet.
Green grass is peeking through, brown leafs at my feet,
Yellow daffodils are blooming, tulips peeking out.
Birds are singing merrily, Spring just seems to shout.
Hummingbirds will be here soon, flinting back and forth.
They'll drink nectar from the feeders, hanging on my porch.
God gives us all this beauty, each year at this time.
Nothing man made on this earth,,,
Could compare to God's Springtime!!!
Clydene Overbey
GODS SONGBIRD
I chanced to see a bird this morning,
In all its glory, perched on a branch.
I heard its trill upon the air.
And I looked to take a glance.
I said dear bird how can you sing,
such a beautiful song?
You sing in such a beautiful way,
and do it all day long.
He cocked his head to one side,
I think he was amused at me.
But he didn't need to answer for I knew.
God made him that way you see.
Clydene Overbey
Just a few of my thoughts on spring. These were published in 1993 in Gods Beauty, A collection of Spring.
MARCH
I glimpsed a Robin outside my window,
Bobbing his head and trilling a tune.
I thought to myself, That little one
Is in my yard too soon.
For March winds are a blowing
Their crisp breaths all around that tree
where that little bird sits.
And the nip in the air feels fall, not spring.
Maybe he shouldn't be here yet.
Then I glance at my flower bed, covered with brown leafs,
under the oak tree where the Robin sings,
What do I see but little green heads,
struggling upward to be seen.
Green shoots of an Iris, a tulip, and a hyacinth,
that tells me Spring is indeed near.
That Robin knows where he is, it is the scheme of things.
No, that Robin need not have any fear.
Clydene Overbey
SPRING
The sun is shining brightly, air is crisp and sweet.
Green grass is peeking through, brown leafs at my feet,
Yellow daffodils are blooming, tulips peeking out.
Birds are singing merrily, Spring just seems to shout.
Hummingbirds will be here soon, flinting back and forth.
They'll drink nectar from the feeders, hanging on my porch.
God gives us all this beauty, each year at this time.
Nothing man made on this earth,,,
Could compare to God's Springtime!!!
Clydene Overbey
GODS SONGBIRD
I chanced to see a bird this morning,
In all its glory, perched on a branch.
I heard its trill upon the air.
And I looked to take a glance.
I said dear bird how can you sing,
such a beautiful song?
You sing in such a beautiful way,
and do it all day long.
He cocked his head to one side,
I think he was amused at me.
But he didn't need to answer for I knew.
God made him that way you see.
Clydene Overbey
THE RED BRICK BUILDING
3-16-09...THE RED BRICK BUILDING
When I was in the 7th. Grade I was transformed in to the big kid category. Grades seven through twelve were in the High School building. No Middle school in our little community. We left that white grade school building and went across the road to the Red Brick building that was Altus Denning High School. Now boy howdy did we feel big and important now!
The first day I went there I was a little bit nervous, or should I say scared to death? Yep! Somehow I knew I was not a big kid and I felt very intimidated by that building. Almost the same way I felt going in to my first grade except I didn't cry for weeks. Nope at least I was past the crying stage. Only difference now was I usually cried for madder'n'a hornet. Nope not a baby cry anymore. Of course I didn't cry that day. Nope! I was in the big girl school and knew I'd better act like it.
Brenda had already been up there for one school term and she said she would look out for me. Yeaw, right. Sure she would. She already had a boyfriend and her girl friends. Didn't really matter though because our little class of nine were not to be messed with. Heck no. We stuck together like glue for a couple of weeks. Even after that we were there for one another if needed.
We were rebels from the first. If the class before or after us tried to start a new thing we would just not go along. Heck no, we were different. And just cause there were only nine of us didn't mean we had to conform to a pattern. Nope!
That first day though I was scared. I got off the school bus in front of the school and there it was. Still hot at that time of year. Sun shining brightly and very hot. There were about five concrete steps going up to the double doors on the front. Kids were sitting all over the steps and on the side rails. No one bothered to get out of the way so I just stepped around and over and went on up to the doors. Course it didn't hurt none that Brenda got off the bus with me.
As we went in the doors the floor squeaked in several places as we walked. The floors were almost shiny bare wood floors. The wood was dark with age but they were kept clean by Coy watts the janitor there for I don't know how many years. I saw him sprinkling red stuff on the floors one day before using a long push broom to sweep. It was called floor sweep and you could smell the wax or oil in it. Coy was there all twelve years I went to school but I only saw him after I went to High School. Coy retired the year we graduated and one of the boys in our class got the janitor job. By golly Wesley retired from that job also.
When I walked inside the first day the sun was shining brightly. There was one big room with many desks that were connected together and bolted to the floor. There was a stage on the left side and the desks on the left side. That was the study hall and it was also our hang out before school started and at any free time we had. I grew to love that room. In front of me was a long hallway where I could see another door at the end. I remember the place was sunny and bright. On each side of the hallway were classrooms. On one side of the hallway were radiators which were used for heat. There was always a bunch huddled around those in the winter for warmth. Sometimes they would hiss a bit but we got used to that.
We had cubby holes on one side of the desks that we called lockers. No door on them just an open hole where we kept our books and other stuff. No privacy but who cared, we didn't have anything to hide. I did lose paper and pencils from time to time.
What was more amazing to me was we had indoor bathrooms. Yep we were in high cotton now by golly. The bathrooms were down in or by the boiler room. I never saw the boys side of course but our side was not bad at all and being by the boilers it was always warm.
Now those boiler rooms were where Coy Watts spent most of the day. I guess he had to watch the boilers. Anyway that bathroom was another hang out for us. We didn't realize that Coy was sitting on the other side of the wall and could hear every word we spoke. If we said something he thought should be reported he reported it. I was down there one day and an older girl was piercing my ears. Coy heard us and hurried up and told Miss Brasel. I had one ear done when Miss Brasel put a stop to it. Heck fire I went around for several years with only one ear pierced. The boys finally clued us in that Coy could hear us. The old coot! We wondered if the boys could hear us too but they said no. I'm still not sure about that but we couldn't hear them. I remember a boy called John. He wore real thick glasses and we kinda thought he was a little goofy. We finally got pop machines in the hallway and John was a big mooch. He would go around asking for a drink of your coke if you had one. One day a couple of the boys (boys from my class) Tommy and Jimmy to be exact, took an empty bottle down to their bathroom and peed in it. When John asked for a drink of their coke the willingly handed it to him. Yep! He took a drink of it and it cured him from mooching. Sure nuff did.
I graduated from that old red brick building and I have lots of good memories from there. Several years later they built a new modern school there. That would have been nice but they tore our old school down. When I heard about it where I lived in Missouri I was devastated. I was sad and I was mad. That day I cried those madder n' heck tears. I just couldn't see why they couldn't leave that building there. It could have been storage or something. I will never understand the logic in tearing it down. That building had been there for many years. Had been a college when it was built. A historic building to be sure. Torn down for progress. How stupid is that? They tore down part of my life when they destroyed that building. Wonder when they will try to discard me? Better not even try! The building is gone but my memories of it are still alive and well. I can still picture all those young faces as we passed through those halls and rooms. Such good memories. Such a big part of my life. Can't take that away from me. Nope! Memories are always alive and well.
When I was in the 7th. Grade I was transformed in to the big kid category. Grades seven through twelve were in the High School building. No Middle school in our little community. We left that white grade school building and went across the road to the Red Brick building that was Altus Denning High School. Now boy howdy did we feel big and important now!
The first day I went there I was a little bit nervous, or should I say scared to death? Yep! Somehow I knew I was not a big kid and I felt very intimidated by that building. Almost the same way I felt going in to my first grade except I didn't cry for weeks. Nope at least I was past the crying stage. Only difference now was I usually cried for madder'n'a hornet. Nope not a baby cry anymore. Of course I didn't cry that day. Nope! I was in the big girl school and knew I'd better act like it.
Brenda had already been up there for one school term and she said she would look out for me. Yeaw, right. Sure she would. She already had a boyfriend and her girl friends. Didn't really matter though because our little class of nine were not to be messed with. Heck no. We stuck together like glue for a couple of weeks. Even after that we were there for one another if needed.
We were rebels from the first. If the class before or after us tried to start a new thing we would just not go along. Heck no, we were different. And just cause there were only nine of us didn't mean we had to conform to a pattern. Nope!
That first day though I was scared. I got off the school bus in front of the school and there it was. Still hot at that time of year. Sun shining brightly and very hot. There were about five concrete steps going up to the double doors on the front. Kids were sitting all over the steps and on the side rails. No one bothered to get out of the way so I just stepped around and over and went on up to the doors. Course it didn't hurt none that Brenda got off the bus with me.
As we went in the doors the floor squeaked in several places as we walked. The floors were almost shiny bare wood floors. The wood was dark with age but they were kept clean by Coy watts the janitor there for I don't know how many years. I saw him sprinkling red stuff on the floors one day before using a long push broom to sweep. It was called floor sweep and you could smell the wax or oil in it. Coy was there all twelve years I went to school but I only saw him after I went to High School. Coy retired the year we graduated and one of the boys in our class got the janitor job. By golly Wesley retired from that job also.
When I walked inside the first day the sun was shining brightly. There was one big room with many desks that were connected together and bolted to the floor. There was a stage on the left side and the desks on the left side. That was the study hall and it was also our hang out before school started and at any free time we had. I grew to love that room. In front of me was a long hallway where I could see another door at the end. I remember the place was sunny and bright. On each side of the hallway were classrooms. On one side of the hallway were radiators which were used for heat. There was always a bunch huddled around those in the winter for warmth. Sometimes they would hiss a bit but we got used to that.
We had cubby holes on one side of the desks that we called lockers. No door on them just an open hole where we kept our books and other stuff. No privacy but who cared, we didn't have anything to hide. I did lose paper and pencils from time to time.
What was more amazing to me was we had indoor bathrooms. Yep we were in high cotton now by golly. The bathrooms were down in or by the boiler room. I never saw the boys side of course but our side was not bad at all and being by the boilers it was always warm.
Now those boiler rooms were where Coy Watts spent most of the day. I guess he had to watch the boilers. Anyway that bathroom was another hang out for us. We didn't realize that Coy was sitting on the other side of the wall and could hear every word we spoke. If we said something he thought should be reported he reported it. I was down there one day and an older girl was piercing my ears. Coy heard us and hurried up and told Miss Brasel. I had one ear done when Miss Brasel put a stop to it. Heck fire I went around for several years with only one ear pierced. The boys finally clued us in that Coy could hear us. The old coot! We wondered if the boys could hear us too but they said no. I'm still not sure about that but we couldn't hear them. I remember a boy called John. He wore real thick glasses and we kinda thought he was a little goofy. We finally got pop machines in the hallway and John was a big mooch. He would go around asking for a drink of your coke if you had one. One day a couple of the boys (boys from my class) Tommy and Jimmy to be exact, took an empty bottle down to their bathroom and peed in it. When John asked for a drink of their coke the willingly handed it to him. Yep! He took a drink of it and it cured him from mooching. Sure nuff did.
I graduated from that old red brick building and I have lots of good memories from there. Several years later they built a new modern school there. That would have been nice but they tore our old school down. When I heard about it where I lived in Missouri I was devastated. I was sad and I was mad. That day I cried those madder n' heck tears. I just couldn't see why they couldn't leave that building there. It could have been storage or something. I will never understand the logic in tearing it down. That building had been there for many years. Had been a college when it was built. A historic building to be sure. Torn down for progress. How stupid is that? They tore down part of my life when they destroyed that building. Wonder when they will try to discard me? Better not even try! The building is gone but my memories of it are still alive and well. I can still picture all those young faces as we passed through those halls and rooms. Such good memories. Such a big part of my life. Can't take that away from me. Nope! Memories are always alive and well.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
THERE IS NEVER TOMORROW LIVE FOR TODAY
3-13-09...THERE IS NEVER TOMORROW
LIVE FOR TODAY
My Cousin Duane died yesterday morning. I guess we all start thinking about when our loved ones were here. Things they did, things we did. Things we should have done. We look back with regret on some things, but with joy on some of the things we remember.
I got to wondering why it has to take death to make us stop and think about the ways this person was a blessing to us.
When I was a child growing up Duane was there. Older enough that we just didn't really run in the same circles so to speak. He visited our home a lot then. There was Duane, his brother Curtis and another cousin Pat. We would be outside playing sometimes and here all three of them would come walking up the track beside our house. They had rode the bus from a nearby town down to Altus where they walked down the hill and on to our house. They would be there for a few days. They were good to us, sometimes teasing me to get my cat claws out but it was mostly good to have them there.
I have been reflecting on several things today. All three boys grew up and went in the service. Duane & Curtis in the Army, Pat in the air force. One time Duane was in on leave and brought me a red and white Teddy Bear. I was never any happier with anything than I was that teddy bear. I just loved it. Same with Curtis and Pat. When they were home on leave they always spent time at our house.
Of course the boys soon grew up and got married with homes all over the place and I went on about my life. I still saw them at family functions and they were around but it was never as it was when I was a kid. But then nothing ever stays the same does it? It again must take a death or something in the family to bring us all together again. There have been several of those times, too many of them in fact.
Pat and Curtis still live away but Duane came back home to retire. He lived in the same town just six miles from where I live now. Six miles that were traveled too few times. I see that now. Duane lived alone in a little apartment that I drove by over and over and very seldom stopped to visit. Oh I thought about it. I saw him at funerals or other family gatherings. I talked to him on the phone but didn't go by to see him. I'm sorry about that. Duane didn't drive in his last several years and had to get someone to take him places. I feel selfish now and I'm ashamed of myself. Curtis can't be here for his Brothers funeral because he is not able to travel. Pat will be here, I'll see Pat and I am promising myself that I'll be in touch with Pat and Curtis more often. Duane was right here ,six miles away, and I had the chance to see him but didn't. I was talking to my Aunt and she said something that jolted me to the core. There are not many of us left now. No there aren't many of us left and I plan to stop taking for granted that there will always be a tomorrow. I need to be a family member now, not tomorrow when it is too late. Mama used to tell me, "Don't put off till tomorrow what You can do today, Clydene. How do you know tomorrow will come". She was wise because she knew and she taught me that in fact there is no tomorrow. All we have is today. I plan to make the most of all my todays from now on. Hope You Will Too.
LIVE FOR TODAY
My Cousin Duane died yesterday morning. I guess we all start thinking about when our loved ones were here. Things they did, things we did. Things we should have done. We look back with regret on some things, but with joy on some of the things we remember.
I got to wondering why it has to take death to make us stop and think about the ways this person was a blessing to us.
When I was a child growing up Duane was there. Older enough that we just didn't really run in the same circles so to speak. He visited our home a lot then. There was Duane, his brother Curtis and another cousin Pat. We would be outside playing sometimes and here all three of them would come walking up the track beside our house. They had rode the bus from a nearby town down to Altus where they walked down the hill and on to our house. They would be there for a few days. They were good to us, sometimes teasing me to get my cat claws out but it was mostly good to have them there.
I have been reflecting on several things today. All three boys grew up and went in the service. Duane & Curtis in the Army, Pat in the air force. One time Duane was in on leave and brought me a red and white Teddy Bear. I was never any happier with anything than I was that teddy bear. I just loved it. Same with Curtis and Pat. When they were home on leave they always spent time at our house.
Of course the boys soon grew up and got married with homes all over the place and I went on about my life. I still saw them at family functions and they were around but it was never as it was when I was a kid. But then nothing ever stays the same does it? It again must take a death or something in the family to bring us all together again. There have been several of those times, too many of them in fact.
Pat and Curtis still live away but Duane came back home to retire. He lived in the same town just six miles from where I live now. Six miles that were traveled too few times. I see that now. Duane lived alone in a little apartment that I drove by over and over and very seldom stopped to visit. Oh I thought about it. I saw him at funerals or other family gatherings. I talked to him on the phone but didn't go by to see him. I'm sorry about that. Duane didn't drive in his last several years and had to get someone to take him places. I feel selfish now and I'm ashamed of myself. Curtis can't be here for his Brothers funeral because he is not able to travel. Pat will be here, I'll see Pat and I am promising myself that I'll be in touch with Pat and Curtis more often. Duane was right here ,six miles away, and I had the chance to see him but didn't. I was talking to my Aunt and she said something that jolted me to the core. There are not many of us left now. No there aren't many of us left and I plan to stop taking for granted that there will always be a tomorrow. I need to be a family member now, not tomorrow when it is too late. Mama used to tell me, "Don't put off till tomorrow what You can do today, Clydene. How do you know tomorrow will come". She was wise because she knew and she taught me that in fact there is no tomorrow. All we have is today. I plan to make the most of all my todays from now on. Hope You Will Too.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
MEMORIES NEVE DIE, THEY DO FADE
3-10-09...MEMORIES NEVER DIE, THEY DO FADE
I decided about five years ago that I wanted to see the house where I grew up again. My Daddy died in 1985 and Mama moved in to an apartment a few years later. I had not been back. The house no longer belonged to my family so I just didn't go. After Mama died I had such fond memories of the place where we were a family and I was growing up. I felt I just had to go there again. I needed to re connect with my childhood. The feeling grew so strong in me that I could resist no longer. One day I took my camera and decided the time is now, I must do this no mater how hurtful it may be.
In the first place everything looked so different on the way that I began to wonder if I was even on the right road. This just couldn't be the roads I walked and played on all my life. I missed the turn because I didn't recognize it. I was just so astonished by that. How in the world could I get lost in an area that I knew every inch of? This just couldn't be! I have to admit that I was getting upset and just a bit scared. I knew for a fact that the house was still there and surely they hadn't moved the roads! But by golly something was not right. What the heck is happening here?!
I drove back and forth for what seemed like hours. I was too stubborn to turn around and get out of that odd place. Besides I was so lost by then I didn't even know how to turn around and leave. Oh My! I can't believe this. What in the world is wrong here? I didn't see a thing that I was familiar with. Nope! Not a cotton pickin' thing!
OK I thought, I have to get back to the railroad crossing and start over. But where in the heck is the rail road crossing? Shoot fire! now this was getting ridiculous. I was born here and raised here. Been in and outta' here millions of times or more. By golly I know that house is there and Im'a'gonna' find it.
I came to a house that looked familiar but the road sure didn't. There should be deep ditches. Wasn't this where we used to wade in the ditches. Well my goodness, There is Hall Parks store. Why in the world would they move that old store? How stupid! Hey wait a minute, they didn't move that dad burned thing cause there's his ol' house beside it. Surely they didn't move em' both. Well heck fire this must be the road. If it is then I know where I am. Yep!
I drove on up the road and turned on to the road that would go all the way down to the end. A dead-end road right by the railroad track.
I was getting excited now. Going home I was thinking, I'm going home. I drove on down and there it was. Oh Lord, where is the neat yard? And that porch my Daddy built with his own hands, that couldn't be it. Where is the Crepe Myrtle and the Walnut trees. I knew that was the house but what had happened to it? Oh lord! What have they done to my home? They have destroyed my home. Oh Please let me wake up from a bad dream.
There was a woman standing in the yard. I asked if I could look around and take some pictures of this place where I grew up. She said Sure it would be OK. I walked to the back and took a picture. Where was that China Berry tree we used to sit under? What is wrong with this place? This is not my home. Where is Daddies garden? The Rail Road tracks are not even here. They moved them too.
I finally found the tracks, they were still there but the weeds had grown up and they were almost hidden. The big field where we had our fort was overgrown, the persimmon tree and the blackberry patch were also gone. I walked back around to the front, took another picture, got in my car and left. About halfway up the road the tears forced their way out and started falling. I cried for hours. I had tried to go Home again and it wasn't there. I hadn't even asked to go inside because I knew I'd never be able to do it. I can remember the inside of that house just like it was. Warm and fuzzy memories. Loving memories. Oh how I was wishing I hadn't gone down there. You can never go back. That was not my wonderful home at all. Nothing was the same. I finally realized that it wasn't things, and stuff, that was missing. No. What was missing was us. Mama, Daddy, Norman, Me, Grandmas, Grandpas, Brenda, Paul, and Auntie. We were the home, not the house. I can't get that back physically but I can go there anytime I want to. I just have to turn my thoughts back to that ol' house and all the people who made a house a home. That's what home is all about. I was hurt and saddened by what I had seen but that wasn't my home anymore. I'll never go back. Those two pictures are still here. I even have them in my gallery but my Home is in my memories. They are only pictures.
So I've been home again this evening. I've wandered down that lane and gone in that house. I've reflected and remembered. I've smiled, laughed, and I've even cried. But I went home again and I am refreshed and very Thankful.
I wrote this poem years ago when I was away from home and couldn't come back. I went home in my mind this day just as I have done today.
OLD PATH OUT BACK
I walked along a path this morn' that I had walked before.
It ends up in the woods, it starts at my back door.
My Dad walked here many times, Mama and brother too.
I played here as a child, Now I'm alone and blue.
There was where my Daddy sat on a fallen log.
Here my brother and I played with our family dog.
My Mama came here many times just to be alone,
So did I, I loved it here and played the whole day long.
Now this path is silent, no one is around.
But if I listen carefully, God sends to me the sounds.
Sweet voices of my Family, though none of them are near.
Daddy is gone to Heaven, Mama no longer lives here.
My Brother, He's gone too, with a Family of his own.
But their beautiful memories are here and here we all still roam!!!
Clydene
I decided about five years ago that I wanted to see the house where I grew up again. My Daddy died in 1985 and Mama moved in to an apartment a few years later. I had not been back. The house no longer belonged to my family so I just didn't go. After Mama died I had such fond memories of the place where we were a family and I was growing up. I felt I just had to go there again. I needed to re connect with my childhood. The feeling grew so strong in me that I could resist no longer. One day I took my camera and decided the time is now, I must do this no mater how hurtful it may be.
In the first place everything looked so different on the way that I began to wonder if I was even on the right road. This just couldn't be the roads I walked and played on all my life. I missed the turn because I didn't recognize it. I was just so astonished by that. How in the world could I get lost in an area that I knew every inch of? This just couldn't be! I have to admit that I was getting upset and just a bit scared. I knew for a fact that the house was still there and surely they hadn't moved the roads! But by golly something was not right. What the heck is happening here?!
I drove back and forth for what seemed like hours. I was too stubborn to turn around and get out of that odd place. Besides I was so lost by then I didn't even know how to turn around and leave. Oh My! I can't believe this. What in the world is wrong here? I didn't see a thing that I was familiar with. Nope! Not a cotton pickin' thing!
OK I thought, I have to get back to the railroad crossing and start over. But where in the heck is the rail road crossing? Shoot fire! now this was getting ridiculous. I was born here and raised here. Been in and outta' here millions of times or more. By golly I know that house is there and Im'a'gonna' find it.
I came to a house that looked familiar but the road sure didn't. There should be deep ditches. Wasn't this where we used to wade in the ditches. Well my goodness, There is Hall Parks store. Why in the world would they move that old store? How stupid! Hey wait a minute, they didn't move that dad burned thing cause there's his ol' house beside it. Surely they didn't move em' both. Well heck fire this must be the road. If it is then I know where I am. Yep!
I drove on up the road and turned on to the road that would go all the way down to the end. A dead-end road right by the railroad track.
I was getting excited now. Going home I was thinking, I'm going home. I drove on down and there it was. Oh Lord, where is the neat yard? And that porch my Daddy built with his own hands, that couldn't be it. Where is the Crepe Myrtle and the Walnut trees. I knew that was the house but what had happened to it? Oh lord! What have they done to my home? They have destroyed my home. Oh Please let me wake up from a bad dream.
There was a woman standing in the yard. I asked if I could look around and take some pictures of this place where I grew up. She said Sure it would be OK. I walked to the back and took a picture. Where was that China Berry tree we used to sit under? What is wrong with this place? This is not my home. Where is Daddies garden? The Rail Road tracks are not even here. They moved them too.
I finally found the tracks, they were still there but the weeds had grown up and they were almost hidden. The big field where we had our fort was overgrown, the persimmon tree and the blackberry patch were also gone. I walked back around to the front, took another picture, got in my car and left. About halfway up the road the tears forced their way out and started falling. I cried for hours. I had tried to go Home again and it wasn't there. I hadn't even asked to go inside because I knew I'd never be able to do it. I can remember the inside of that house just like it was. Warm and fuzzy memories. Loving memories. Oh how I was wishing I hadn't gone down there. You can never go back. That was not my wonderful home at all. Nothing was the same. I finally realized that it wasn't things, and stuff, that was missing. No. What was missing was us. Mama, Daddy, Norman, Me, Grandmas, Grandpas, Brenda, Paul, and Auntie. We were the home, not the house. I can't get that back physically but I can go there anytime I want to. I just have to turn my thoughts back to that ol' house and all the people who made a house a home. That's what home is all about. I was hurt and saddened by what I had seen but that wasn't my home anymore. I'll never go back. Those two pictures are still here. I even have them in my gallery but my Home is in my memories. They are only pictures.
So I've been home again this evening. I've wandered down that lane and gone in that house. I've reflected and remembered. I've smiled, laughed, and I've even cried. But I went home again and I am refreshed and very Thankful.
I wrote this poem years ago when I was away from home and couldn't come back. I went home in my mind this day just as I have done today.
OLD PATH OUT BACK
I walked along a path this morn' that I had walked before.
It ends up in the woods, it starts at my back door.
My Dad walked here many times, Mama and brother too.
I played here as a child, Now I'm alone and blue.
There was where my Daddy sat on a fallen log.
Here my brother and I played with our family dog.
My Mama came here many times just to be alone,
So did I, I loved it here and played the whole day long.
Now this path is silent, no one is around.
But if I listen carefully, God sends to me the sounds.
Sweet voices of my Family, though none of them are near.
Daddy is gone to Heaven, Mama no longer lives here.
My Brother, He's gone too, with a Family of his own.
But their beautiful memories are here and here we all still roam!!!
Clydene
Sunday, March 8, 2009
THE NINE OF US
3-7-09...THE NINE OF US
There were nine in our class all through 12 years. We picked up one now and then but they were always gone in a flash leaving just us nine. There were five girls and four boys. Yep we had em' outnumbered. That didn't mean a lot though because we were like a family of nine siblings. Can't remember any major battles or upsets. It was a small school and all classes were small but ours was really small. So much so that we had to recruit from other classes to have enough characters for our Jr. and Sr. plays. Also we had to go with the Senior's on our Senior trip when we were Juniors. I have to say I was a bit put out with that situation. The very idea, I thought, making us miss the big trip when we were Seniors. Nope didn't like that.
But that was after we were in High School so I'm getting the cart before the horse. We were tolerant of one another in grade school up to a point. Well Gordon was a big pest and aggravation to us constantly. The orneriest , most mischievous little boy I had ever seen. His sister Pat was in our class too and she was just as leery of him as we were.
The back side of the school building had doors and the start of steps that were never finished leaving the concrete blocks up to the doors which we climbed on. We would also go in between and play in our own private little world. Gordon would throw things over on us. Dead things, live things, and in between.
We were sitting in our little cubby hole one day and Gordon was extra obnoxious. Just wouldn't leave us alone. We five sat right there and planned what we were going to do. We didn't get it all worked out during that recess but there were others recesses. We wanted to get him good so it was a few days before we put our plan in to action.
It had snowed a few days earlier and it was starting to melt. It was a mess. Mud and snow and cold. Gordon started running by our private refuge and kicking snow in all over us. We got fed up and I mean rip roarin' mad fed up. YEP! We might not have put our plan in to motion though if he hadn't stuck his head in and say, "Hey, look down your blouse and spell attic". Well heck I didn't know what I was doing so I decided to do it. Gordon's sister Pat said, "No Clydene don't do that. Don't you know what he is doing"? Well heck no I hadn't caught on yet. I suppose Gordon had already pulled it on her and she knew better. Or maybe she was just smarter than me. Whatever it was I was too stubborn to pay attention so I looked down my coat and said, "a-t-t-i-c. Well by golly I got it then and even if I was only 8yrs. Old I knew that was not allowed.
"Lets Get Him Girls" I hollered. They were ready. Two of us grabbed his legs while the other three got ready. When he hit the ground they got his arms and we pulled and pushed at the same time. Everyone was laughing all around us and cheering us on as we drug him out in to a big area of snow. We turned him over on his belly and kept dragging till we drug him through a muddy spot. We rolled his face around in the mud for a spell.
Gordon was yelling, "I'll get you. Just wait till I get up". "Heck you aint a getting' up Gordon till you tell us you will leave us alone". "NO, he said I'm gonna roll all of you in this mud". "Oh? Ya think you can"? "I sure can".
Gordon was a mess and a half by now. He wasn't hurt anywhere but his pride though. He was muddy and cold and we were afraid we were gonna get in trouble so we let him up. Couldn't have been long cause' the teacher didn't catch us. Gordon was trying to act mad but everyone was laughing so he finally got tickled too.
When we got back in side Miss Hogan asked Gordon how he got so muddy and he told her he fell. No one else said a word so that was that. Gordon still pestered us from time to time but it wasn't as bad. Finally it just stopped. Probably we were all getting' more mature by then bit I don't know about that. Oh we squabbled from time to time but mostly the nine of us were pretty close.
Eight of us are still around. We lost Pat to cancer about five years ago. It was a sad time, we miss her.
Our Senior Class.
There were nine in our class all through 12 years. We picked up one now and then but they were always gone in a flash leaving just us nine. There were five girls and four boys. Yep we had em' outnumbered. That didn't mean a lot though because we were like a family of nine siblings. Can't remember any major battles or upsets. It was a small school and all classes were small but ours was really small. So much so that we had to recruit from other classes to have enough characters for our Jr. and Sr. plays. Also we had to go with the Senior's on our Senior trip when we were Juniors. I have to say I was a bit put out with that situation. The very idea, I thought, making us miss the big trip when we were Seniors. Nope didn't like that.
But that was after we were in High School so I'm getting the cart before the horse. We were tolerant of one another in grade school up to a point. Well Gordon was a big pest and aggravation to us constantly. The orneriest , most mischievous little boy I had ever seen. His sister Pat was in our class too and she was just as leery of him as we were.
The back side of the school building had doors and the start of steps that were never finished leaving the concrete blocks up to the doors which we climbed on. We would also go in between and play in our own private little world. Gordon would throw things over on us. Dead things, live things, and in between.
We were sitting in our little cubby hole one day and Gordon was extra obnoxious. Just wouldn't leave us alone. We five sat right there and planned what we were going to do. We didn't get it all worked out during that recess but there were others recesses. We wanted to get him good so it was a few days before we put our plan in to action.
It had snowed a few days earlier and it was starting to melt. It was a mess. Mud and snow and cold. Gordon started running by our private refuge and kicking snow in all over us. We got fed up and I mean rip roarin' mad fed up. YEP! We might not have put our plan in to motion though if he hadn't stuck his head in and say, "Hey, look down your blouse and spell attic". Well heck I didn't know what I was doing so I decided to do it. Gordon's sister Pat said, "No Clydene don't do that. Don't you know what he is doing"? Well heck no I hadn't caught on yet. I suppose Gordon had already pulled it on her and she knew better. Or maybe she was just smarter than me. Whatever it was I was too stubborn to pay attention so I looked down my coat and said, "a-t-t-i-c. Well by golly I got it then and even if I was only 8yrs. Old I knew that was not allowed.
"Lets Get Him Girls" I hollered. They were ready. Two of us grabbed his legs while the other three got ready. When he hit the ground they got his arms and we pulled and pushed at the same time. Everyone was laughing all around us and cheering us on as we drug him out in to a big area of snow. We turned him over on his belly and kept dragging till we drug him through a muddy spot. We rolled his face around in the mud for a spell.
Gordon was yelling, "I'll get you. Just wait till I get up". "Heck you aint a getting' up Gordon till you tell us you will leave us alone". "NO, he said I'm gonna roll all of you in this mud". "Oh? Ya think you can"? "I sure can".
Gordon was a mess and a half by now. He wasn't hurt anywhere but his pride though. He was muddy and cold and we were afraid we were gonna get in trouble so we let him up. Couldn't have been long cause' the teacher didn't catch us. Gordon was trying to act mad but everyone was laughing so he finally got tickled too.
When we got back in side Miss Hogan asked Gordon how he got so muddy and he told her he fell. No one else said a word so that was that. Gordon still pestered us from time to time but it wasn't as bad. Finally it just stopped. Probably we were all getting' more mature by then bit I don't know about that. Oh we squabbled from time to time but mostly the nine of us were pretty close.
Eight of us are still around. We lost Pat to cancer about five years ago. It was a sad time, we miss her.
Our Senior Class.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
MOODS WHAT MAKES THEM
3-6-09...MOODS AND WHAT MAKES THEM
My moods are as bad as Arkansas weather. Up, Down, all around. Why do we get in and out of these moods? Why can't we just stay on an even keel of sorts. I'm me, you are you. We are all so different but yet the same.
I've been in a down mood lately and I hate it. My Grandma used to tell me I was moody and she was right. There are so many different moods to be in. I have come to the realization that we make our own moods. I went grocery shopping this morning, not my favorite chore I must say. The store was crowded and noisy. They had moved things drastically since the last time I was in there and of course I got frustrated because I couldn't find anything. Nothing was where it should be. Why do they do that anyway. I always was told, If it aint' broke don't fix it. Now who was the smart person that decided to put the dad blasted sour cream up by the butter. It has always been back with the yogurts, cottage cheese, etc.. I liked it there, I was used to it being there, why in the heck move it?!
I got to thinking about the little store where my Mama shopped when I was a kid. Nothing moved there. Everything stayed put. It was a cracker box shaped building made of sheet iron. One isle up the middle, meat box in the back, by the side of a pop machine. The pop machine was like a chest type with bars at intervals across it. Pops were slid in these slots with only the bottle top showing. On the cap was the flavor. Pop Kola, RC Cola, Coke in 6oz. Bottles, Root Beer, Cream soda, Nesbitts Orange,Grape, Strawberry, and on and on. You put in your nickel something triggered and you could slide the bottle of your choice over till you could pull it out then open it with a bottle opener hanging on a cord. On the left side was a candy display case. The candy was all in boxes in the glass front case. No wrappings, just lying open in the boxes. That was penny candy and you could get a candy sack full for a penny. Across from it was the candy bars. Baby Ruth, Butterfinger, Zag Nut, Zero, Power House, and they were big. They cost a nickel. On the other side of that isle was shampoos, lotions , hair oils in three kinds. Prell Shampoo, Jergens Lotion, and Wildroot Cream Oil hair oil. Hall Parks stood behind the counter with a pencil and paper. As you laid your items on the counter he wrote it down and listed the price. When you finished he then licked the lead in the pencil and went down the figures counting in his head as he went, then he would write the total at the bottom. It was all faster than any store now. No waiting for Price Checks or the blamed machine throwing your credit card back at you.
Well heck fire, it is as plain as the nose on your face why our moods are changing for the worse as we get older. Things are too fast now. Hurry, hurry, hurry. That's it I have decided. We didn't have as much to choose from then, the store was small, no walking for a long time just to find an item that they have moved. No waiting on price checks. No waiting on a stupid machine that wont work. It was not a major endeavor just to buy groceries. Simple, Simple, Simple. That's what the difference is now, nothing is simple any more. No wonder my moods are jumping here and there all the time. My brain is still in 1950 and it is 2009. Yep! I got it figured out. Times they are a changin' too darn fast. I'm in slow gear trying to function in the fast lane and I'm too old to change now. Heck I don't wanna' strip what gears I've got left! Nope!!!
My moods are as bad as Arkansas weather. Up, Down, all around. Why do we get in and out of these moods? Why can't we just stay on an even keel of sorts. I'm me, you are you. We are all so different but yet the same.
I've been in a down mood lately and I hate it. My Grandma used to tell me I was moody and she was right. There are so many different moods to be in. I have come to the realization that we make our own moods. I went grocery shopping this morning, not my favorite chore I must say. The store was crowded and noisy. They had moved things drastically since the last time I was in there and of course I got frustrated because I couldn't find anything. Nothing was where it should be. Why do they do that anyway. I always was told, If it aint' broke don't fix it. Now who was the smart person that decided to put the dad blasted sour cream up by the butter. It has always been back with the yogurts, cottage cheese, etc.. I liked it there, I was used to it being there, why in the heck move it?!
I got to thinking about the little store where my Mama shopped when I was a kid. Nothing moved there. Everything stayed put. It was a cracker box shaped building made of sheet iron. One isle up the middle, meat box in the back, by the side of a pop machine. The pop machine was like a chest type with bars at intervals across it. Pops were slid in these slots with only the bottle top showing. On the cap was the flavor. Pop Kola, RC Cola, Coke in 6oz. Bottles, Root Beer, Cream soda, Nesbitts Orange,Grape, Strawberry, and on and on. You put in your nickel something triggered and you could slide the bottle of your choice over till you could pull it out then open it with a bottle opener hanging on a cord. On the left side was a candy display case. The candy was all in boxes in the glass front case. No wrappings, just lying open in the boxes. That was penny candy and you could get a candy sack full for a penny. Across from it was the candy bars. Baby Ruth, Butterfinger, Zag Nut, Zero, Power House, and they were big. They cost a nickel. On the other side of that isle was shampoos, lotions , hair oils in three kinds. Prell Shampoo, Jergens Lotion, and Wildroot Cream Oil hair oil. Hall Parks stood behind the counter with a pencil and paper. As you laid your items on the counter he wrote it down and listed the price. When you finished he then licked the lead in the pencil and went down the figures counting in his head as he went, then he would write the total at the bottom. It was all faster than any store now. No waiting for Price Checks or the blamed machine throwing your credit card back at you.
Well heck fire, it is as plain as the nose on your face why our moods are changing for the worse as we get older. Things are too fast now. Hurry, hurry, hurry. That's it I have decided. We didn't have as much to choose from then, the store was small, no walking for a long time just to find an item that they have moved. No waiting on price checks. No waiting on a stupid machine that wont work. It was not a major endeavor just to buy groceries. Simple, Simple, Simple. That's what the difference is now, nothing is simple any more. No wonder my moods are jumping here and there all the time. My brain is still in 1950 and it is 2009. Yep! I got it figured out. Times they are a changin' too darn fast. I'm in slow gear trying to function in the fast lane and I'm too old to change now. Heck I don't wanna' strip what gears I've got left! Nope!!!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
3-3-09...FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
When that beautiful gray eyed baby was placed in my arms my life was transformed from night to day, scary to hopeful, helpless to vibrant. I was on top of the world magnificently changed from desolation to happiness. My life overflowed with such love in my heart it almost hurt. Never before, never since has that same feeling ever entered my soul. This little baby became my life, my reason for going on, my being.
The first month or so I couldn't sleep at night. Instead I hung over his crib and counted his every breath, watched every little detail of his tiny little mouth with its sucking motions and what I called grins. I held him, cuddled him, told him Mama loves you baby!
As he grew under my wing and protection I enjoyed every minute of it. Every diaper, every cry, every aspect of his day and night. When he first laughed out I thought my heart would stop from the joy of it. When I first heard him trying to say Mama tears flowed down my face in streams. He said Mama! I had never thought I would ever hear those wonderful words spoked to me. Oh the wonder of it. Oh Thank You Lord for the blessing of my Son Richard.
The day I took him to school when he started Kindergarten my heart was in my throat trying to spill out. What if he cried? What would I do? Could I leave him there and see him crying for me to take him? Could I? I didn't think I would be able to bear it.
School buses were unloading when we got there. I parked and got out, got Richard out and hand in hand we walked through those big double doors. I was trembling and close to tears. We found his room, I took a big breath of courage and we went in.
The Teacher greeted us, Richard told her his name and age while I stood glued to the spot afraid I would faint if I breathed hard. She told Richard he could go play with others until class started. He pulled his hand from mine. I was so reluctant to let go but knew I had to. The Teacher said I could go but if I wished to stay a while I was welcome to do so. Well I wished to stay and I did.
The kids were all on a big mat on the floor playing and getting acquainted. As other Mothers started leaving I was getting more and more nervous. I walked over and squatted down by Richard to tell him I was going to go on home. I was thinking, I can't do this. If he cries I am going to take him home with me. Oh my gosh, I can't do this!! Richard, I'm going on home now and I'll be back after you at 3:00. He looked up at me and said OK! OK? He said OK as if it didn't bother him a bit that I was leaving. He was so interested in the little boy beside him that he barely looked at me. Richard was fine but Mama wasn't. I got to my car holding back the tears. Once I got in the car though I couldn't hold them any more, and once I let them go I couldn't stop them. I cried until my chest hurt. I sobbed all day after I got home. My eyes were swollen almost shut and hurting. My head ached and I threw up. I was a complete mess! I had worried for weeks about this day. I was so afraid that Richard would cry. HE DIDN'T! I DID!
Richard was my life and soul. I treasured every minute of the time I had him but those first 5 years have to be my most precious. When they are small and so dependent on you they are all yours. But once they are old enough to go to school you start losing that little baby. He is growing up and from then on it gets worse. I wanted to always be there to pick him up and dry his tears but that is not to be. I had to let him go to school when he was still my baby and that was hard. Later things got even harder as he grew older. My Grandma once told me, "Clydene, when they are little they step on your toes, enjoy every step because later they will step on you heart". Oh How right she was. So very very right.
When that beautiful gray eyed baby was placed in my arms my life was transformed from night to day, scary to hopeful, helpless to vibrant. I was on top of the world magnificently changed from desolation to happiness. My life overflowed with such love in my heart it almost hurt. Never before, never since has that same feeling ever entered my soul. This little baby became my life, my reason for going on, my being.
The first month or so I couldn't sleep at night. Instead I hung over his crib and counted his every breath, watched every little detail of his tiny little mouth with its sucking motions and what I called grins. I held him, cuddled him, told him Mama loves you baby!
As he grew under my wing and protection I enjoyed every minute of it. Every diaper, every cry, every aspect of his day and night. When he first laughed out I thought my heart would stop from the joy of it. When I first heard him trying to say Mama tears flowed down my face in streams. He said Mama! I had never thought I would ever hear those wonderful words spoked to me. Oh the wonder of it. Oh Thank You Lord for the blessing of my Son Richard.
The day I took him to school when he started Kindergarten my heart was in my throat trying to spill out. What if he cried? What would I do? Could I leave him there and see him crying for me to take him? Could I? I didn't think I would be able to bear it.
School buses were unloading when we got there. I parked and got out, got Richard out and hand in hand we walked through those big double doors. I was trembling and close to tears. We found his room, I took a big breath of courage and we went in.
The Teacher greeted us, Richard told her his name and age while I stood glued to the spot afraid I would faint if I breathed hard. She told Richard he could go play with others until class started. He pulled his hand from mine. I was so reluctant to let go but knew I had to. The Teacher said I could go but if I wished to stay a while I was welcome to do so. Well I wished to stay and I did.
The kids were all on a big mat on the floor playing and getting acquainted. As other Mothers started leaving I was getting more and more nervous. I walked over and squatted down by Richard to tell him I was going to go on home. I was thinking, I can't do this. If he cries I am going to take him home with me. Oh my gosh, I can't do this!! Richard, I'm going on home now and I'll be back after you at 3:00. He looked up at me and said OK! OK? He said OK as if it didn't bother him a bit that I was leaving. He was so interested in the little boy beside him that he barely looked at me. Richard was fine but Mama wasn't. I got to my car holding back the tears. Once I got in the car though I couldn't hold them any more, and once I let them go I couldn't stop them. I cried until my chest hurt. I sobbed all day after I got home. My eyes were swollen almost shut and hurting. My head ached and I threw up. I was a complete mess! I had worried for weeks about this day. I was so afraid that Richard would cry. HE DIDN'T! I DID!
Richard was my life and soul. I treasured every minute of the time I had him but those first 5 years have to be my most precious. When they are small and so dependent on you they are all yours. But once they are old enough to go to school you start losing that little baby. He is growing up and from then on it gets worse. I wanted to always be there to pick him up and dry his tears but that is not to be. I had to let him go to school when he was still my baby and that was hard. Later things got even harder as he grew older. My Grandma once told me, "Clydene, when they are little they step on your toes, enjoy every step because later they will step on you heart". Oh How right she was. So very very right.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
MISS HOGAN
2-28-09...MISS HOGAN
My 3rd.&4th grade teacher was Miss Hogan. Now let me tell you that lady and I just didn't jive. Nope. Like two sore toes rubbing together. I think most liked Miss Hogan but not me. Seemed to me that she was picking on me all the time. I know I was a little snot, and Brenda was again in the same room with me, so I guess my orneriness was showing through more. I guess I wont blame her for it all but she was an ol bag as far as I was concerned.
Miss Hogan was a heavy woman with white hair. She wore it braided and wound around her head. Looked to me like a cap of some kind. I thought she had a pretty voice. I always thought of fudge when she talked.
Miss Hogans Mom and Dad in law lived very close to Brenda s house. All we had to do was crawl under one fence and go through a garden gate and we were in their yard. The older Miss Hogan was worse than the Teacher Miss Hogan but the old man was happy go lucky. He would let Brenda and I climb in their mulberry tree when the fruit was ripe and eat all we wanted. We sit up there and turn black all over from squashing those mulberries.
One day the Teacher Miss Hogan and her son were there. The son was on the back porch when all four of us climbed up in the mulberry tree. He came out and gave us all some ripe cherries to eat. Well of course we ate them. The two Miss Hogans came out and there I stood with my hands and mouth full of cherries. The rest were eating cherries too and her son had given them to us but Miss Hogan just had a fit. Told me I was not allowed to come over again and took the cherries away from me. “I brought these cherries for Mom Hogan to make Jam, she said, shame on you for eating them. Now go home”. We all went running over and told my Auntie what had happened and here she went. Flew over there like an ol settin' hen and told both Miss Hogans what for. Whooppee! Auntie you done good. Yep.
Seemed like Miss Hogan watched me like a hawk in school. I got blamed for everything it seemed to me. Still think she hated me but years later she assured me she didn't.
Miss Hogan and Miss Bonnie would be out on the playgrounds with us at recess to patrol the grounds. They would walk around with big dill pickles and/or a coke. Made me want a coke real bad in the summer when it was hot. Didn't seem fair to me cause we couldn't have cokes and pickles. I imagine they brought them from home. I saw the big gallon jar of dill pickles one day in the room where we took our nickels to buy candy. We called it the candy store. I tried to get someone to help me steal a pickle but no one wanted a pickle. Heck I didn't want a pickle anyway just wanted to show Miss Hogan a thing or two. Good thing I didn't succeed at that one.
One day I got sick and asked her to take me home. She said I was just pretending and made me sit down. I was really feeling sick with a headache. When lunch time came I told my Auntie who was one of the cooks then, that I was sick. Auntie knew I was. (I started having migraine headaches very young). She said,” tell your teacher”. “I told her but she don't believe me”, I said. Well let me tell you right now Miss Hogan did take me home and she did it right then.
I was so happy to get out of Miss Hogans classroom. I spent my third and fourth years in there. Maybe she wasn't as bad as I thought but I still see it the same way. Didn't like her. She didn't like me. NOPE!!
My 3rd.&4th grade teacher was Miss Hogan. Now let me tell you that lady and I just didn't jive. Nope. Like two sore toes rubbing together. I think most liked Miss Hogan but not me. Seemed to me that she was picking on me all the time. I know I was a little snot, and Brenda was again in the same room with me, so I guess my orneriness was showing through more. I guess I wont blame her for it all but she was an ol bag as far as I was concerned.
Miss Hogan was a heavy woman with white hair. She wore it braided and wound around her head. Looked to me like a cap of some kind. I thought she had a pretty voice. I always thought of fudge when she talked.
Miss Hogans Mom and Dad in law lived very close to Brenda s house. All we had to do was crawl under one fence and go through a garden gate and we were in their yard. The older Miss Hogan was worse than the Teacher Miss Hogan but the old man was happy go lucky. He would let Brenda and I climb in their mulberry tree when the fruit was ripe and eat all we wanted. We sit up there and turn black all over from squashing those mulberries.
One day the Teacher Miss Hogan and her son were there. The son was on the back porch when all four of us climbed up in the mulberry tree. He came out and gave us all some ripe cherries to eat. Well of course we ate them. The two Miss Hogans came out and there I stood with my hands and mouth full of cherries. The rest were eating cherries too and her son had given them to us but Miss Hogan just had a fit. Told me I was not allowed to come over again and took the cherries away from me. “I brought these cherries for Mom Hogan to make Jam, she said, shame on you for eating them. Now go home”. We all went running over and told my Auntie what had happened and here she went. Flew over there like an ol settin' hen and told both Miss Hogans what for. Whooppee! Auntie you done good. Yep.
Seemed like Miss Hogan watched me like a hawk in school. I got blamed for everything it seemed to me. Still think she hated me but years later she assured me she didn't.
Miss Hogan and Miss Bonnie would be out on the playgrounds with us at recess to patrol the grounds. They would walk around with big dill pickles and/or a coke. Made me want a coke real bad in the summer when it was hot. Didn't seem fair to me cause we couldn't have cokes and pickles. I imagine they brought them from home. I saw the big gallon jar of dill pickles one day in the room where we took our nickels to buy candy. We called it the candy store. I tried to get someone to help me steal a pickle but no one wanted a pickle. Heck I didn't want a pickle anyway just wanted to show Miss Hogan a thing or two. Good thing I didn't succeed at that one.
One day I got sick and asked her to take me home. She said I was just pretending and made me sit down. I was really feeling sick with a headache. When lunch time came I told my Auntie who was one of the cooks then, that I was sick. Auntie knew I was. (I started having migraine headaches very young). She said,” tell your teacher”. “I told her but she don't believe me”, I said. Well let me tell you right now Miss Hogan did take me home and she did it right then.
I was so happy to get out of Miss Hogans classroom. I spent my third and fourth years in there. Maybe she wasn't as bad as I thought but I still see it the same way. Didn't like her. She didn't like me. NOPE!!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
THE LUNCH ROOM
2-28-09...The Lunch Room
Things started changing fast once we got off the dead end road and started to school. Things just were not as simple anymore. Mama and Daddy were not around to get us out of messes we may get ourselves in to. We were not used to this. Teachers didn't seem to be worth a darn to me. Useless! If I wanted a peanut butter sandwich at 10 AM they wouldn't get it for me. Out for first recess I could smell things cooking next door in the Lunch Room. The lunch room was a little house that had been converted. Kitchen in one end on one side of the room. The rest of the room had long tables with benches to sit on. If you couldn't get an end seat you had to climb over the bench to sit down. There was an area at the entrance where you could pay your dime to eat then stand in line till you got up to the area where the two cooks dipped up your plate and handed it to you. No choice, you took what they gave you just like at home. Only difference was that my Mama cooked things I liked and those durned cooks didn't. How the heck would they know I don't like green beans unless I told them. Well I tried to tell the durned fools and they wouldn't listen to me. Mama said she wouldn't go tell them either cause that was their job and they couldn't fix what all of us wanted.
One day I decided that I just wasn't a gonna take those green beans on my plate. Heck fire Miss Sullivan made us clean our plate before we could leave and I wanted to eat what I wanted so I could get out on the playground. Durn ol bag caught me one day throwing the beans under the table and made me pick them up and tell the cooks I was sorry. Shoot, I wasn't a bit sorry and hated that. From then on Miss Sullivan watched under the table and I wasn't the only one doing it. To get us to stop she made the whole bunch on that table clean it up. Sometimes I would wear my coat in the Lunch Room so I could put things in my pocket then throw them on the play ground. Got in trouble at home for that one. Mama didn't know what I had put in my pocket but she found the mess. Just couldn't win on this one. At home if you took it on your plate you had to eat it, but you were not forced to eat anything you didn't like as much as I didn't like green beans. Daddy would have put a stop to the green beans in school if I had told him. But I didn't tell him. To Daddy is was wrong to force anyone to eat something and that would have been that.
In the lunch room when we were in grade school there was no talking. We had to sit there like little proper ladies and gentlemen even though we were not. One day I just decided I'd had enough of this silence and I just upped and screamed, then cackled like a chicken. To that everyone in the room got to giggling. “Clydene, come with me”, Miss Sullivan said. Now how in the heck did that ol' woman know it was me? I got paddled and had to stay in at recess the rest of the day but by golly I didn't clean my plate that day! HEHE.
Then there were days we had an apple or an orange on our lunch tray. I wanted to take mine home with me but no way. Couldn't take that dad burned thing outta' the lunch room either. Good Grief. One day I laid my orange down on the table and it went rolling down the middle of the table with everyone grabbing at it. A smart elec' boy named Gordon got my orange and ate it. By golly if my Daddy was there that wouldn't have happened but I was on my own. I climbed out and went down there and just thumped him on the head. Got in trouble again at school and then at home but it was worth it. I just had to learn to tell my Daddy on em now didn't I? Trouble with that was no one wanted their parents coming up to the school. Just was too embarrassing, so I didn't tell.
I still will not eat green beans and I never ate them in school either by golly. When suddenly the Teacher stopped making us clean our plate that was over. I had found a way every time they were on my tray before to not eat them. Why did Miss Sullivan stop making us clean our plates? Don't rightly know. But I suspect some brave kids told her Mama and she was made stop. I'm even pretty sure I know who told cause her Mama was always coming up to school trying to protect that spoiled brat! YEP!
Things started changing fast once we got off the dead end road and started to school. Things just were not as simple anymore. Mama and Daddy were not around to get us out of messes we may get ourselves in to. We were not used to this. Teachers didn't seem to be worth a darn to me. Useless! If I wanted a peanut butter sandwich at 10 AM they wouldn't get it for me. Out for first recess I could smell things cooking next door in the Lunch Room. The lunch room was a little house that had been converted. Kitchen in one end on one side of the room. The rest of the room had long tables with benches to sit on. If you couldn't get an end seat you had to climb over the bench to sit down. There was an area at the entrance where you could pay your dime to eat then stand in line till you got up to the area where the two cooks dipped up your plate and handed it to you. No choice, you took what they gave you just like at home. Only difference was that my Mama cooked things I liked and those durned cooks didn't. How the heck would they know I don't like green beans unless I told them. Well I tried to tell the durned fools and they wouldn't listen to me. Mama said she wouldn't go tell them either cause that was their job and they couldn't fix what all of us wanted.
One day I decided that I just wasn't a gonna take those green beans on my plate. Heck fire Miss Sullivan made us clean our plate before we could leave and I wanted to eat what I wanted so I could get out on the playground. Durn ol bag caught me one day throwing the beans under the table and made me pick them up and tell the cooks I was sorry. Shoot, I wasn't a bit sorry and hated that. From then on Miss Sullivan watched under the table and I wasn't the only one doing it. To get us to stop she made the whole bunch on that table clean it up. Sometimes I would wear my coat in the Lunch Room so I could put things in my pocket then throw them on the play ground. Got in trouble at home for that one. Mama didn't know what I had put in my pocket but she found the mess. Just couldn't win on this one. At home if you took it on your plate you had to eat it, but you were not forced to eat anything you didn't like as much as I didn't like green beans. Daddy would have put a stop to the green beans in school if I had told him. But I didn't tell him. To Daddy is was wrong to force anyone to eat something and that would have been that.
In the lunch room when we were in grade school there was no talking. We had to sit there like little proper ladies and gentlemen even though we were not. One day I just decided I'd had enough of this silence and I just upped and screamed, then cackled like a chicken. To that everyone in the room got to giggling. “Clydene, come with me”, Miss Sullivan said. Now how in the heck did that ol' woman know it was me? I got paddled and had to stay in at recess the rest of the day but by golly I didn't clean my plate that day! HEHE.
Then there were days we had an apple or an orange on our lunch tray. I wanted to take mine home with me but no way. Couldn't take that dad burned thing outta' the lunch room either. Good Grief. One day I laid my orange down on the table and it went rolling down the middle of the table with everyone grabbing at it. A smart elec' boy named Gordon got my orange and ate it. By golly if my Daddy was there that wouldn't have happened but I was on my own. I climbed out and went down there and just thumped him on the head. Got in trouble again at school and then at home but it was worth it. I just had to learn to tell my Daddy on em now didn't I? Trouble with that was no one wanted their parents coming up to the school. Just was too embarrassing, so I didn't tell.
I still will not eat green beans and I never ate them in school either by golly. When suddenly the Teacher stopped making us clean our plate that was over. I had found a way every time they were on my tray before to not eat them. Why did Miss Sullivan stop making us clean our plates? Don't rightly know. But I suspect some brave kids told her Mama and she was made stop. I'm even pretty sure I know who told cause her Mama was always coming up to school trying to protect that spoiled brat! YEP!
Friday, February 27, 2009
SPRING IS SPRINGING
2-27-09...SPRING IS SPRINGING
I was outside this morning and so many signs of Spring greeted me. Oh how fresh and clean is Spring.
First thing I noticed was these tiny little star shaped purple flowers popping up everywhere. Daddy called em' johnny jump ups. I don't know the name and I suspect they are weeds but they will forever be Johnny jump ups to me. Then on a cold morning like today someone has their fireplace going. I dearly love to smell the smoke drifting up in the air and mingling with a fresh green smell of wet grass. In spots where the sun hits a spot there is green grass peeking through the brown sleeping grass of the winter.
The little Finches that were brown and drab in the winter are too brightening up their feathers with yellow and red. Then there is a Red Breasted Robin strutting around looking for the perfect ground where he might fetch a big fat earth worm. I thought well little Robin I doubt you are going to find a worm this morning. But heck fire that little bird was smarter than me because all at once he bobbed his head down and came up with a worm for his breakfast. Good for you little one.
I have bird feeders hanging by my window so I can watch them eat and this morning there is a beautiful Cardinal sitting there in all its glory as the sun shines down on him and makes his red feathers glow. He calls prit-te prit-te prit-te. My Grandma told me once, "Listen Clydene, he's telling you that you are pretty." If you have never listened closely to the Cardinals call you should. Let him tell you how pretty you are. It will brighten your day.
I kicked aside some dry leafs and underneath there are green shoots of the Easter Lilies popping up out of the cold ground. They reach up for the sun to help them grow. It will not be long till the bright yellow flowers will start popping open. Nothing prettier that the first Easter Lilies.
I have a Fire Bush that is starting to have little red blooms all over it. Soon it will burst forth with the fiery red color that gives it its name. On the other side there is a Forsythia bush that has been spurting out those bright yellow flowers for several weeks now, only to be plucked off by the icy fingers of the still gripping winter winds. That bush will soon burst forth with the color of sunshine so bright it almost hurts your eyes.
I scratched around in my Wishing Well planter and sure enough the little green spurts of Rose Moss is trying its best to get through the hard soil. I covered then back up and another day when I look again I'll be able to remove the cover and they will spring up seems all at once with the many colors of a rainbow. They will grow and grow till they hang down the sides and look like a huge colorful bouquet.
Trees are budding, flowers are popping, birds are chirping, the sky is blue, the sun is shining, and it all just shouts "Springtime is Springing". Makes a body feel good to know that even though winter is still hanging on tight, it can't stop Spring from coming. Winter you might as well go crawl in your dark dreary hole. I'll be waiting for you when you come back again to give the earth a rest so Spring can once again spring forth out of the resting dormant earth that you have been protecting and nurturing for us. Thank you Winter, I'll miss you, but I'm gonna love the renewal of the earth with Spring. By the way winter, Would you take some of those pesky bugs with you? I'd appreciate it muchly. YEP!!
I was outside this morning and so many signs of Spring greeted me. Oh how fresh and clean is Spring.
First thing I noticed was these tiny little star shaped purple flowers popping up everywhere. Daddy called em' johnny jump ups. I don't know the name and I suspect they are weeds but they will forever be Johnny jump ups to me. Then on a cold morning like today someone has their fireplace going. I dearly love to smell the smoke drifting up in the air and mingling with a fresh green smell of wet grass. In spots where the sun hits a spot there is green grass peeking through the brown sleeping grass of the winter.
The little Finches that were brown and drab in the winter are too brightening up their feathers with yellow and red. Then there is a Red Breasted Robin strutting around looking for the perfect ground where he might fetch a big fat earth worm. I thought well little Robin I doubt you are going to find a worm this morning. But heck fire that little bird was smarter than me because all at once he bobbed his head down and came up with a worm for his breakfast. Good for you little one.
I have bird feeders hanging by my window so I can watch them eat and this morning there is a beautiful Cardinal sitting there in all its glory as the sun shines down on him and makes his red feathers glow. He calls prit-te prit-te prit-te. My Grandma told me once, "Listen Clydene, he's telling you that you are pretty." If you have never listened closely to the Cardinals call you should. Let him tell you how pretty you are. It will brighten your day.
I kicked aside some dry leafs and underneath there are green shoots of the Easter Lilies popping up out of the cold ground. They reach up for the sun to help them grow. It will not be long till the bright yellow flowers will start popping open. Nothing prettier that the first Easter Lilies.
I have a Fire Bush that is starting to have little red blooms all over it. Soon it will burst forth with the fiery red color that gives it its name. On the other side there is a Forsythia bush that has been spurting out those bright yellow flowers for several weeks now, only to be plucked off by the icy fingers of the still gripping winter winds. That bush will soon burst forth with the color of sunshine so bright it almost hurts your eyes.
I scratched around in my Wishing Well planter and sure enough the little green spurts of Rose Moss is trying its best to get through the hard soil. I covered then back up and another day when I look again I'll be able to remove the cover and they will spring up seems all at once with the many colors of a rainbow. They will grow and grow till they hang down the sides and look like a huge colorful bouquet.
Trees are budding, flowers are popping, birds are chirping, the sky is blue, the sun is shining, and it all just shouts "Springtime is Springing". Makes a body feel good to know that even though winter is still hanging on tight, it can't stop Spring from coming. Winter you might as well go crawl in your dark dreary hole. I'll be waiting for you when you come back again to give the earth a rest so Spring can once again spring forth out of the resting dormant earth that you have been protecting and nurturing for us. Thank you Winter, I'll miss you, but I'm gonna love the renewal of the earth with Spring. By the way winter, Would you take some of those pesky bugs with you? I'd appreciate it muchly. YEP!!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
FEELINGS (What Are They
2-25-09...FEELINGS (What Are They)
I remember once when I was very young I had been kinda puny. One day Mama said "How are you feeling Clydene". "What's feeling Mama", I asked. Well Mama explained the three basics for a five yr. Old to understand. Touching a smoothe rock and feeling its cool surface. If I see a frog there is the fearful feeling. And like then I was feeling sick. Mama wanted to know if I was better and I supposed I was. I really didn't understand the whole concept of feelings then but through the rest of my life I have learned a lot more about feelings. I looked up feelings in the Websters dictionary and their definitions were just vague things. Nothing concise or to the point so I'll just tell you my views on feelings from what life has taught me.
Happiness is a feeling of the heart to me. In a child happiness will make them skip and run and giggle. Since I'm older happiness is a secure feeling. An inner Peace when everything seems right. The other side of happiness is sorrow to me. Sorrow like you feel when you lose a loved one or when you see someone that you love being hurt Sorrow will kill you if you stay in its depths. Sorrow is also a feeling you have for yourself sometimes which also will kill your spirit and put you down. Not the place to stay very long.
Security was a feeling I had in Childhood when Norman and I were safely tucked in bed and I would lay awake and listen to my Parents as they talked in the front room or kitchen. Could never really hear what they were saying but I would lay and go to sleep listening to that gentle buzz of my Parents. Same in the mornings as I awakened to hear sounds of my Mama singing as she cooked breakfast. Daddy would come in and tell Norman and I it was time to get up. Rise and shine. Norman would jump right out of his bed but it would take Daddy at least three times to get me up.
Resentment and hatred are also feelings I experienced at one time or another. To be very truthful many times over the years. Normal feelings at moments. It is what you do with those feelings that counts.
Love is the most difficult feeling to define. There are so very many kinds of love. Your first love, love of parents, family, friends. I know my love of my son when he was laid in my arms the first time was the ultimate love here on earth. Then the heartache of losing him was the ultimate heartbreak. My Love Of God got me through that one. Those are feelings that we never stop feeling.
The word feel and feeling is often used lightly but to me feelings are who we are and how we react to things. It is a little word of very significant meaning. Some are intense and some are fleeting but they mean so much to our being. Feelings kept inside will fester and be harmful. Not only to you but to others around you. I had a breakdown once because of holding feelings inside. The Dr told me the day he dismissed me from the hospital, and these are his words I've never forgotten though they were spoken in 1975, "You can not bottle feelings up inside you Clydene, They have to get out somehow. The next time you start feeling trapped by your feelings, and you will, get it out any way possible. Either walk away from the situation causing it, or go somewhere and get it off your system any way you can. Scream, cry, stomp the ground, just whatever you have to do to release yourself. then get on your knees and Pray to God for help, If you don't then you are going to be sitting over in a corner somewhere talking to yourself". Some one told me once that the Dr was wrong. Pray is all I needed to do. In the shape my mind was in I would probably have Prayed for justice to come to the one hurting me. After I screamed it out then I prayed for help from my Saviour and not for any hurt to come to my tormentor. I think of the feelings I was having at the time and I shudder to think what could have happened to me if I hadn't followed that Dr's advice. I can't remember his name but I remember his face as he was telling me that. He showed me the feeling of compassion, not condemnation that others showed me. And By Golly I have never been know to sit over in the corner and talk to myself. No siree bob, not me. I let my feelings be known now. I try and not hurt anyone else with my feelings but I will ask them to stop. If they don't I will walk away. YEP! Now I will.
I remember once when I was very young I had been kinda puny. One day Mama said "How are you feeling Clydene". "What's feeling Mama", I asked. Well Mama explained the three basics for a five yr. Old to understand. Touching a smoothe rock and feeling its cool surface. If I see a frog there is the fearful feeling. And like then I was feeling sick. Mama wanted to know if I was better and I supposed I was. I really didn't understand the whole concept of feelings then but through the rest of my life I have learned a lot more about feelings. I looked up feelings in the Websters dictionary and their definitions were just vague things. Nothing concise or to the point so I'll just tell you my views on feelings from what life has taught me.
Happiness is a feeling of the heart to me. In a child happiness will make them skip and run and giggle. Since I'm older happiness is a secure feeling. An inner Peace when everything seems right. The other side of happiness is sorrow to me. Sorrow like you feel when you lose a loved one or when you see someone that you love being hurt Sorrow will kill you if you stay in its depths. Sorrow is also a feeling you have for yourself sometimes which also will kill your spirit and put you down. Not the place to stay very long.
Security was a feeling I had in Childhood when Norman and I were safely tucked in bed and I would lay awake and listen to my Parents as they talked in the front room or kitchen. Could never really hear what they were saying but I would lay and go to sleep listening to that gentle buzz of my Parents. Same in the mornings as I awakened to hear sounds of my Mama singing as she cooked breakfast. Daddy would come in and tell Norman and I it was time to get up. Rise and shine. Norman would jump right out of his bed but it would take Daddy at least three times to get me up.
Resentment and hatred are also feelings I experienced at one time or another. To be very truthful many times over the years. Normal feelings at moments. It is what you do with those feelings that counts.
Love is the most difficult feeling to define. There are so very many kinds of love. Your first love, love of parents, family, friends. I know my love of my son when he was laid in my arms the first time was the ultimate love here on earth. Then the heartache of losing him was the ultimate heartbreak. My Love Of God got me through that one. Those are feelings that we never stop feeling.
The word feel and feeling is often used lightly but to me feelings are who we are and how we react to things. It is a little word of very significant meaning. Some are intense and some are fleeting but they mean so much to our being. Feelings kept inside will fester and be harmful. Not only to you but to others around you. I had a breakdown once because of holding feelings inside. The Dr told me the day he dismissed me from the hospital, and these are his words I've never forgotten though they were spoken in 1975, "You can not bottle feelings up inside you Clydene, They have to get out somehow. The next time you start feeling trapped by your feelings, and you will, get it out any way possible. Either walk away from the situation causing it, or go somewhere and get it off your system any way you can. Scream, cry, stomp the ground, just whatever you have to do to release yourself. then get on your knees and Pray to God for help, If you don't then you are going to be sitting over in a corner somewhere talking to yourself". Some one told me once that the Dr was wrong. Pray is all I needed to do. In the shape my mind was in I would probably have Prayed for justice to come to the one hurting me. After I screamed it out then I prayed for help from my Saviour and not for any hurt to come to my tormentor. I think of the feelings I was having at the time and I shudder to think what could have happened to me if I hadn't followed that Dr's advice. I can't remember his name but I remember his face as he was telling me that. He showed me the feeling of compassion, not condemnation that others showed me. And By Golly I have never been know to sit over in the corner and talk to myself. No siree bob, not me. I let my feelings be known now. I try and not hurt anyone else with my feelings but I will ask them to stop. If they don't I will walk away. YEP! Now I will.
THOUGHTS
2-24-09...THOUGHTS
I've been thinking this morning. Now I know a bunch of people who would say, "OMG! Watch out she's thinking again". They are probably right cause since I was a youngun' too much thinkin' always got me in trouble. Usually I took somebody with me so they are leery!
What I am thinking this morning is different though. It is reflective thoughts. Yep I have em'!
One of them this morning put me in to deep thought. Why in the world does it take us many years sometimes to appreciate and enjoy some things we have heard. I said heard, because it seems we hear, but don't learn. If that don't make sense to you I'm'a'gonna' try and explain.
I love the fall of the year but never thought to consider why. After all these years I finally know and appreciate the why.
When I was a kid and went to Ozark in the fall of the year there was a hill that you just came upon. The trees would all be changing and my Mama would say, "Just look at those trees up there, all the colors. Don't it just look like a big bouquet?" What in the world is she talking about I always thought. "Oh Mama thats just trees, how could it be a bouquet of flowers". I thought she was just being silly. "Clydene you can see bouquets anywhere if you just look, she'd say. Can't you see how pretty that is?" Well of course I couldn't see nothing but a bunch of trees then. Mama loved the colors of fall. Now I realize that is the reason I get such a cozy feeling when the trees start changing. I'm most certainly seeing my Mama enjoy it. Takes me back to wonderful times.
One thing I never got used to at the time was the color yellow. Mama thought I looked good in yellow. She dressed me in a lot of yellow. I didn't mind when I was younger. Heck I really didn't much care if it was any ol' putrid color. Didn't matter to me either way. When I was old enough to care though I didn't like yellow. Anything but yellow but please not yellow. Well it took me a lot of years but the past few I have just started to love the color yellow. Mama used to tell me that I looked like a ray of sunshine in yellow. Now I appreciate yellow and every time I wear yellow I remember Mama. I suspect I was just being contrary when I argued about yellow but I never got the chance to say "Mama I love yellow, Thank you for dressing me in yellow". Memories are made of things like this. Every time I think of a ray of sunshine I remember Mama's sweet face. A treasure she gave me.
Mama was not one to stick up for herself. She would let anyone just walk all over her and take it. She taught me to turn the other cheek and get along with every one. But Daddy, on the other hand, would say, "Don't start a fight, try to get away from it, but don't let anyone think they can push you around either. If they keep pushing you have to defend yourself. If you don't they will just keep picking on you". Both my Mama's and my Daddy's advice hung with me. I'm feisty, but will not look for or provoke trouble.
When I was putting on my shoes and socks this morning I could just see and feel Daddy teaching me how to put them on and tie them up. He taught me by putting on the right foot first. There is no way in the world I can put my left shoe and sock on first. Can't do it! Has to be the right foot because Daddy taught me that way. Habit? Yes probably. But how do we learn these habits? Think about it.
Same with our favorite foods. They are our favorites because we grew up that way. No one in the world will ever be able to fry chicken and make biscuits like my Mama. Not even me. But fried chicken and biscuits brings my Mama back to me. I see her standing at that old cook stove frying that chicken and I can smell those buttermilk biscuits baking the oven.
Good times are what memories are made of in our childhoods. I can remember some hard times too, but they just don't out weigh my good memories. I'm so happy I realize what made and forever keeps these memories in my heart.
I've been thinking this morning. Now I know a bunch of people who would say, "OMG! Watch out she's thinking again". They are probably right cause since I was a youngun' too much thinkin' always got me in trouble. Usually I took somebody with me so they are leery!
What I am thinking this morning is different though. It is reflective thoughts. Yep I have em'!
One of them this morning put me in to deep thought. Why in the world does it take us many years sometimes to appreciate and enjoy some things we have heard. I said heard, because it seems we hear, but don't learn. If that don't make sense to you I'm'a'gonna' try and explain.
I love the fall of the year but never thought to consider why. After all these years I finally know and appreciate the why.
When I was a kid and went to Ozark in the fall of the year there was a hill that you just came upon. The trees would all be changing and my Mama would say, "Just look at those trees up there, all the colors. Don't it just look like a big bouquet?" What in the world is she talking about I always thought. "Oh Mama thats just trees, how could it be a bouquet of flowers". I thought she was just being silly. "Clydene you can see bouquets anywhere if you just look, she'd say. Can't you see how pretty that is?" Well of course I couldn't see nothing but a bunch of trees then. Mama loved the colors of fall. Now I realize that is the reason I get such a cozy feeling when the trees start changing. I'm most certainly seeing my Mama enjoy it. Takes me back to wonderful times.
One thing I never got used to at the time was the color yellow. Mama thought I looked good in yellow. She dressed me in a lot of yellow. I didn't mind when I was younger. Heck I really didn't much care if it was any ol' putrid color. Didn't matter to me either way. When I was old enough to care though I didn't like yellow. Anything but yellow but please not yellow. Well it took me a lot of years but the past few I have just started to love the color yellow. Mama used to tell me that I looked like a ray of sunshine in yellow. Now I appreciate yellow and every time I wear yellow I remember Mama. I suspect I was just being contrary when I argued about yellow but I never got the chance to say "Mama I love yellow, Thank you for dressing me in yellow". Memories are made of things like this. Every time I think of a ray of sunshine I remember Mama's sweet face. A treasure she gave me.
Mama was not one to stick up for herself. She would let anyone just walk all over her and take it. She taught me to turn the other cheek and get along with every one. But Daddy, on the other hand, would say, "Don't start a fight, try to get away from it, but don't let anyone think they can push you around either. If they keep pushing you have to defend yourself. If you don't they will just keep picking on you". Both my Mama's and my Daddy's advice hung with me. I'm feisty, but will not look for or provoke trouble.
When I was putting on my shoes and socks this morning I could just see and feel Daddy teaching me how to put them on and tie them up. He taught me by putting on the right foot first. There is no way in the world I can put my left shoe and sock on first. Can't do it! Has to be the right foot because Daddy taught me that way. Habit? Yes probably. But how do we learn these habits? Think about it.
Same with our favorite foods. They are our favorites because we grew up that way. No one in the world will ever be able to fry chicken and make biscuits like my Mama. Not even me. But fried chicken and biscuits brings my Mama back to me. I see her standing at that old cook stove frying that chicken and I can smell those buttermilk biscuits baking the oven.
Good times are what memories are made of in our childhoods. I can remember some hard times too, but they just don't out weigh my good memories. I'm so happy I realize what made and forever keeps these memories in my heart.
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