10-20-09...MY DADDYMy Daddy was a small statured man. 5/7, size 7 shoe, 160 lbs. Small to some but a giant to me. I thought he was 10 ft. tall and could do anything in the world. Daddy was quiet and gentle most of the time. Slow to anger but scrappy when provoked. Daddy had a hard life. Had to quit school in the 2nd grade and work on Papa's farm. Papa seemed to think that girls needed to be in school but as he put it, Boys needed to work not push a pencil.
Daddy's Mamma died when Daddy was still a baby and Papa remarried. The step mother was not good to Daddy. Even would pray for Daddy to die. I was told that Papa didn't know about this and I choose to believe that because I loved my Papa.
Daddy left home when he was 15 to escape his hard life. He lived with his Sister and her family and joined the CCC camp since he couldn't get in the regular army with only one eye. Later he went down in the dark coal mines the only work he could get with his education. He worked in the mines for 27 yrs. I had a great life growing up in a house full of love and laughter. We never had much but our lives were full and I never suspected we were poor.
10-19-09...My GrandmaMy grandma was only 5-2 and she weighed 250 lbs when she was young. She was quiet a sight. The first time I saw her I was two and while I have vague memories of the time I can't remember much. We traveled from Ar. to corcoran california on thr train to visit. I don't remember how long we stayed but that was the first and only time I ever saw my grandpa.Grandma came to Ar. to live with us when grandpa died. I was 8.Grandma and I got very close after a while but at first I resented having to sleep with her. I got used to it when on cold winter nights she kept me warm and on hot nights she laid and fanned me with a paper.My mom and dad worked outside the home later on and grandma did the cooking and cleaning. She taught me a lot. I love buttermilk and I remember her making it with powdered milk. I wish I knew how she did it but can't remember.She made jams without the sure gel we use now and it was scrumptious. She pressed the fruit through a cheese cloth and then cooked it to jel consistency on the stove. I was usually there watching her.Sometimes when we got home from school there would be a cake for us. I loved her sorghum cakes. Another thing I wish I could make now. Grandma couldn't pass on recipes because she just dumped things together, no recipe. her measurements were, a pinch, a dollop, a handful, and it was hard to duplicate.Grandmas aren't like that anymore. Now they look as young as their daughters.
10-16-09...THE MONSTER ATTACKI was in the kitchen trying to get my dishes loaded in the dishwasher after dinner today. My dog Moses always comes in there and rattles his food dish everytime he finds me busy. Rattle, Rattle, Thump, Thump. Wait a minute Moses can't you see I'm busy. Oh yes I talk to my dog. He understands me perfectly too, just don't listen very well.
I got agravated at him. I slamed a spoon down on the counter, dried my hands, and said Darn you Moses I'm gonna' get your food so you'll get out of here and leave me alone.
The dog food sack in in the bottom of the cabinet. I cut the top out and just set it in there for easy access because he always does that.
Well I shoved my hand down in the sack and got hold of something besides dog food. That something else was warm and fuzzy and alive! I shrieked to the top of my lungs and did the watusi the best I could across the kitchen. Thing was I hadn't let go of the warm, fuzzy, live thing in my hand and so far had not even looked at it.
It started to squirm and reminded me it was there. That's when I looked at what I was clutching. I looked in to the little beety eyes of a dang mouse. I shreiked again. Moses started barking furiously and I heard Don gettin' up out of his recliner where he had dozed off. Shreik, watusi, shreik, watusi.
Just as Don came in to the kitchen as fast as his little short legs would carry him, I realized I still had that gag blamed mouse in my hand and I threw it with all my might still shreiking and watusi-ing. Guess where I threw the mouse? You guessed it, Right smack dab in Don's face! YEP! Sure nuff did!!
When I saw what I had done I got a giggle fit. I mean to tell you a rip-roarin' full blown giggle fit! The look on his face just tore me up and I was un-glued.
Don didn't think it was one little bit funny and he told me so. Moses was dancing round' us barking and I couldn't quit giggling.
After it all settled down a bit the mouse was long gone. I got me a piece of nylon string and secured the top of the bag. No more mice are gettin' in there I'll tell you for sure. When I get to town I'll buy a can with a lid to keep the food in.
10-15-09...MY HELICOPTER RIDEI guess I'll tell my experience with a helicopter ride. My first and last ride might I add.
I was working in a buffet in Laughlin Nevada. People came in there to gamble at the casino. I didn't approve of the place or what it did but I sure approved of the money I got in tips. I worked there for about nine months through one summer and winter. I hated it there. So hot. On Christmas day that year it was 75* and I cried like a big baby to go home to Missouri where there was snow.
Anyway back to the helicopter ride. The casino was called Riverside because it sat on the Co. river or some river I'm not sure which. The man who owned the casino lived up on the very top in the executive suite with his young wife. They had a helicopter that was kept up there so they could just walk out their door and get on. Kind of like we have our cars. They took the helicopter across the river to whereever they were going.
That Christmas he decided to take all his employees on a moonlight ride down the river for Christmas. I said NO WAY NO HOW am I getting on that thing anytime and for sure I aint getting on it at night. Nope.
As the time grew closer for our "GIFT", I kept saying no. My co workers kept on at me to go. after all they said, this might be your last chance to do this. Well like a goony bird I finally agreed to go.
I can't remember exactly but I think 3 went up at one time. I made my partners let me sit in the middle. I didn't want to see anything. By Golly I was planning to keep my eyes closed.
When we lifted off that big tall building I left my stomach behind and never could find it. But I sure nuff found my supper. I'll try to make this as delicate as I can. My supper spewed out like a volcano. Everywhere there was a surface my supper made it's self known and stunk to high heaven. I mean rotten stink. Oh My God, Just when I thought I was through the Banana Flambe came in all its glory. My partners were spewed, the glass was spewed, everything was spewed. I was never so embarraced in my life!
The pilot turned around as soon as he could and took us back to the launch pad. I had to go down the elevator with my friends. I apologised all the way. One of them said, "Just shut your mouth and don't do it in here."
So guys that is my great helicopter ride. I had forgotten all about it till Barb and Audrey told their stories. Now I think I'll do my best to forget it again. YEP!!
10-14-09...GROCERY SHOPPINGI don't like going to the grocery store anymore. So when yesterday I decided I had to go I reluncantly got myself ready. Might as well get it over with I thought. When my husband saw me getting ready he decided he wanted to go with me. Oh Lord Goodness, That was bad enough but when he decides he is going to drive I wilted. Lord give me patience I thought.
Now Don drives about 40 MPH even on the highway. Cars pile up behind him and take chances trying to get around him. I'm thinking, Heck fire he's gonna' get us in a wreck sure as shootin'. Why can't those people just slow down. But 40 MPH on a fast highway. No that aint' gonna' happen. I try just closing my eyes and being quiet but Don is talking a blue streak and looking over at me to see why I'm not answering him. The car is swerving and when Don hits the brakes, Don hits the breaks. UMPH! Good thing my seat belt is on or my head would have hit the windshield. Well heck I better open my eyes so I can be ready for Whatever! Umph, Umph, Umph!! He asks what is wrong with me and I say nothing is wrong with me, you just tend to your driving. That makes him mad so he tells me that he is 65 years old and knows how to drive. Oh My gosh. Will we ever get there?
Well we finally did get there. I didn't know he was going in the store with me but, Yep he did. Good Grief.
Inside the store he wants to push the cart. I start out with my list ahead of him. When I get ready to put the first item in the cart I turn around and he aint' there. I locate him and say what are you doing to which he replies, Waiting on you. Well for heavens sake!!!
I finally got him to stay with me but he does stop now and then till I take hold of the cart and drag him along. He's taking the whole time. He can't hear worth a squat so everyone in the store hears him cause he talks so loud.
We finally get out in the car and home we go. 40 MPH and several Umps and by golly we pull in to our carport. I carry in 5 bags and he carries in two bags. Then I get it all put away and I've had it! Good Grief, The next time I have to go to the grocery store I'm going to slip off while he ain't lookin' YEP!!
10-13-09...SLOP JAR!!!Do all of you know what a slop jar is? No it is not a jar that you keep slop in. It is really a tin bucket with a lid on it. I have no idea why they were called slop jars. Every one had at least 1. We had three in our house. They were white granite with red rings around the rims. In case you are still wondering ____________ Well I'm a gonna tell you! They were in our bed rooms at night. We could pee in them but the number two job we were not allowed to do. That way we didn't have to make a trip to the john (toilet) out back just to pee. It was my job to take the slop jars out every morning and dump them and rinse them out to use the next night. Not a pleasant job. Sometimes I tried to get by with out cleaning them out which consisted of using the water in the wash pan, where we had washed our hands, and using an old broom to scrub them out. Once a week they were scrubbed good with purex water by Mama.
Now I guess I thought the slop jars just magically appeared in our house or maybe they were just somehow there. Not the case as I found out. One day an older cousin and I were with Daddy when he went to The Oklahoma Tire and Supply store in Ozark. We had no interest in going in that store we were waiting to get out at the grocery store.
We didn't know what Daddy was going in there for so we watched for him to come back. We were in the back seat. Well when Daddy came out of the store guess what he had in his hand. You guessed it, A Slop Jar!! Now Daddy didn't have the thing put in a big sack like most people. Heck Fire No! My Daddy carried that sucker right out of that store for everybody to see. OH MY GOSH!! There he came down the sidewalk swinging that darn thing by the bail as he walked. Every time he took a step the bail squeaked. Sounded just like a screech owl. We were both trying to hide in the back seat. My cousin was long legged and took up a big part of the seat. When we started ducking down to hide we bumped heads the first thing. I shrieked cause it hurt. He put his hand over my mouth but I bit him and he let go and shrieked. We got in a wrestling match trying to get down in the seat enough not to be seen by all the people on the street who were pointing and laughing. ( By the way, It was us they were laughing at not my Daddy. I guess they had figured out what was wrong with us but Daddy hadn't yet. My Cousin pushed me down in the floor and tried to lay on the seat but his big ol' feet were hanging over in my face. He was barefoot so Guess what I did. Yep! I got one of those big ol' dirty toes in my mouth and bit the blood outta that sucker. Yep, sure did. His whole body jumped and he hit the top of the car with a thud. Now guys the cars then had no plush upholstery. Nope, It was hard.! He started bellering and hollering and I started giggling. In the midst of this Daddy heard us and he threw that durn slop jar as he came a runnin'. That thing skidded up that sidewalk sounding like screeching owls in a herd. YEP! It came to rest at someones feet Daddy said later. Me I didn't see a thing cause I was still in the floor of the car with my cousin sitting on me. YEP! When I could see Daddy was opening the door and peering in. ( No back doors so he was hanging over the seat) Daddy thought for sure we were hurt and with my cousin bleeding from the toe and hand plus a scratch on his hard head it didn't help. I was pushing trying to get him off me and giggling at the same time. My cousin got out because he had to so I could get up. Daddy said, “Go get that slop jar and I'll help Clydene up”. He sure nuff didn't want to go get it but Daddy said so. I said, “daddy I don't want to get out, Lets Go”.
Later I asked Daddy why he didn't have them put that thing in a sack so this wouldn't have happened. “Heck Why” my Daddy said. It was a lot easier carried that way”. Oh My Goodness!
Now I don't see why we were so embarrassed by it. Who knows? Silly to say the least. HUH? YEP!!
10-12-09...MAKING TAFFY
My cousin Brenda and I were always "DOING SOMETHING". Maybe we had too much time on our hands, especially in the summer when school was out. Brenda's Mama worked out of the home but my Mama was a housewife and took care of us. There were four of us, me, my Brother, Brenda and her Brother. The boys stayed inside with Mama but Brenda and I were back and forth between the houses. We lived only across the barbed wire fence and up the lane a short way. Mama could see in their kitchen window. We decided to help my Auntie out and wash her dishes which we started but that was too hard. We left some pans full of water on the wash board to "SOAK". Well "We'VE DONE OUR GOOD THING FOR TODAY" We said to each other, now lets cook something. Of course we wanted something sweet. We got out my Auntie's recipes (no book just a pile of recipes that she never used. She cooked out of her head she said. I didn't understand back then what she meant. I kept watchin' her head when she was cookin' but nothing ever came out) But I am ramblin' so back to our cookin'. We decided on making taffy because we had seen that done and the pullin' was fun. Since I've never wanted taffy since that day (YUKKY) I can't tell you what went in it but we cooked it up. What now I said. Well it has to cool before we pull it and the recipe says pour it out on a flat surface. There was a bunch of that stuff and the only flat surface we could see was the kitchen table. Sooooo! Guess What? Yep! That's just what we did and that stuff was still hot. There were cracks in that old wooden table but we couldn't help that, NOW COULD WE? OH MY GOODNESS WE SAID. We've gotta' clean this up before Auntie gets home or My Mama shows up checking on us. OH MY! OH MY! OH MY GOODNESS!!! Well DO you remember those pans sitting on the wash board soakin'? We'll just use that to clean up the floor, the chairs, and whatever else needed cleanin'. Auntie will be so happy and prowd of us when she sees how we have cleaned her kitchen , Don't you think she will, Brenda? Oh yeaw she will be so glad that she don't have to wash them dishes and mop them floors. Why no tellin what she may give us. Ok so we got all the pans down and set them on the floor under the table, got some towels and set to work!! Of course we weren't very strong so we spilled some of the pans before we got them there. Then we slipped in that soapy water(we used Oxydol detergent and boy was it slick) We wallered around down there and just cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. We thought the floor looked good when My Mama walked in with our Brothers, one on each hip, but she didn't agree with us, and there was taffy hardening on the table. OH MY OH MY OH MY!!!! You've got to understand that we were seven and eight at the time and knew better. You also need to understand that things were different back then. We were the only ones who lived down there. No one to hurt us and no one who would hurt us. Our doors were NEVER locked at our houses. NO NEED TO. Anyway back to the rest of the story. My Auntie came home about two hours later to find a spotless kitchen. Brenda and I cleaned that kitchen while My Mama watched. YES SIREE WE DID! We thought we were out of the woods now. We had baths and Mama sat us down to wait. We even saw her trying not to smile a couple of times so we just really felt good about it. "THEN MY AUNTIE GOT HOME" Mama told us to just sit right there and "DON'T YOU MOVE TILL I TELL YOU TO" We kinda thought she was gonna' brag on us to Auntie about what a good job we had done. Well we had cleaned that kitchen up real good all by ourselves, "HADN'T WE" I guess you know the rest of the story and I guess you know we didn't ever do that again. Auntie spanked us both, Then Mama spanked us both while our little snooty nosed Smart elec Brother's has cookies and milk. That is how we learned our lessons in life back then. We experienced things and we took the consquences. NO MORE NEXT TIMES. WE LEARNED GOOD. We had wonderful parents. We were spanked when we needed it and we were loved unconditionally all the time. Oh those were the best memories! THE VERY BEST THERE IS!! Kids now just have no idea what they are missing. DON'T YOU THINK?
10-12-09...LATE NIGHT IN THE BATHROOMI'm going to tell you a tale on my Husband Don. I swear if you ever tell him I told you this I'll say you lied like a big fat dog. Don goes to the bathroom a lot during the night. And I swear I think he is asleep while he goes. He doesn't wake up easy. He has gone to sleep and fell off the pot, went in the closet instead of the bathroom, (and if he ever does that again he is a goner) gone out the door and fell off the steps, I could go on and on. But right now I've got this to tell. One night last week he was up and down as usual. Well he had been having trouble with those thingies that you use Preparation H for.(GOT IT) OK. Here is the rest of the story. I have some of that strong pain rub in my drawer just below his drawer and he is not supposed to rummage around my drawer. Well as I said before I think he is asleep when he goes to the bathroom. SOOOOO! I was lying there sleeping peacefully when I was blasted out of my sleep with the loudest scream I believe I've ever heard. Then there was a slammed door and lots of foot stomping coming from the vicinity of the bathroom. Am I gettin' ahead of you? No? I didn't think so. I didn't know what was going on so I jumped (or maybe I fell) out of bed, stumped my toe on the bed rail, or something or other down there. Anyway I took off running. I was planning on running in the opposite direction of the noise. Hey I didn't know what it was. Coulda' been someone comin' to cut my throat. Right? I met Don in the hallway and he was dancing and hoping, and yelping like a hyenna. I said for goodness sake you woke me out of a sound sleep what's wrong with you ( I was saying all this through giggles because you aint seen nothing till you see Don moving fast, just don't happen!!!) IT WAS FUUUNNNYYY! Well he finally told me what happened (as soon as he could get his breath) and I was supposed to stop the giggling and get serious, RIGHT! WRONG. It's just not in me to stop giggling once I get started. NO WAY!! NO HOW!! He would dance a little and I would giggle a lot and that went on even after he got mad as an old wet hen and told me to shut up and do something. I wasn't shuttin' up and I certainly wasn't doin' nothin'. He got himself there He could sure get himself out. He wasn't supposed to be rummagin' around in my drawer anyway. SO THERE!!! I still can't keep a straight face when I think about it and Don still don't think it is one bit funny. It took a long soak in the tub before his face turned back to the normal color. His face was a rainbow of colors before that happened. I had to almost sign my name with my own blood to a contract before he would believe I wouldn't tell it to everyone I see. Well I've only told it to a few dozen people. Not bad HUH? MORAL (IF THERE IS ONE) MAKE SURE YOU ARE AWAKE BEFORE YOU USE PREPARATION H!!! MAYBE I'LL TELL YOU SOME MORE OF THOSE LATE NIGHT BATHROOM ESCAPADES LATER. YEP I WILL!!!
10-12-09...SITTING ON MY BUTTFalling happens fast and all you can do is look around to make sure no one is watching and get up. That applies to everyday life as well as actually falling.
One morning last week I went into the bathroom to get dressed. My Goodness, I've never had such a production of the simple task of getting dressed.
The first thing I did was to get my jammie top hung in my glasses as I took it over my head. Couldn't see a dad burned thing as I did my acrobatic act of getting loose and not breaking my glasses. My hair then got hung up in a button on the jammie top and I got claustrophobia real fast. I kept quiet because I didn't want anyone to see the predicament I was in. I finally tore the hair out by the roots and I was free.
I sat down on the closed commode to gather my wits. My goodness by now I was shaking like a leaf in a tornado. Ok Now I know I have to get the rest of my clothes on. I sat right where I was and proceeded to put my support hose on. Now anyone who has ever worn them dang things know what a struggle that is. Tug, wiggle, tug, pull, wiggle, and squirm and be sure you pee first. YEP!
By the time I got them things up I'm worn out again so I set back on the pot lid for a spell. My Gosh! Maybe I'll just go out like this I'm thinkin'. But No, All that's left is my jeans and my shoes so I proceed.
I get one leg in the jeans and it's the wrong leg so off they come and I put it in the leg it belongs in. So far So good! One more leg to go. Now you aint'a'gonna believe this. I lifted my other leg and aimed at the leg of the jeans. I got it part way in the leg. Good, Right? Wrong!! Heck fire I'm trying to put both legs in the same hole. Dad burn it anyway!
Now here is where it gets interesting. I can't see spit because I took my glasses off and put them in a safe place. Don't wanna' break them things now do I? Nope! All at once I've danced my last dance and I sit right down on that cold hard floor. YEP! Smack dab on the floor with my legs all tangled up till I don't think I can move an inch. Now would be a good time to holler for help wouldn't it? Heck fire no, I aint gonna let nobody see me in this position. I rolled around like a sack full of balloons for I don't know how long but I finally got on my feet. Me Myself and I got on my feet. Yep! That is when the pain showed up big time. I got myself in my recliner and used my heat pad and my ice pack at the same time. Was not about to tell anybody I fell. Heck fire no way will I tell certain people that I fell. I aint telling anybody. So you just dreamed you read this. OK? YEP!
10-12-09...INNER THOUGHTS
I had the best of my life when I was growing up in my Parents house and when My son Richard was growing up in my house. Anything before or after has been window dressing. I have gone on but I've never been the same person.
I've had to strive daily since Richards death. It has not been easy. No one then or now wants to talk about or listen to me talk about my son. I don't really understand that but I do accept it finally. I have pen and paper and I can talk about and to Richard. I do that every day. I can keep him alive in my heart in the same way I keep my childhood alive. Sweet good memories that are all I can have of happier times.
Richard was a beautiful sweet child until life situations colored his inner self just the way they did mine. The only thing I could provide for Richard for many years was my Great unconditional love. I did that and I still do that. He was and he will forever be my main source of life. I will see him again someday when The Lord calls me home. I am ready to go but I am also ready to stay if that is The Lords Will. When I finally do walk through the Gates of Heaven I know Richard will meet me and then I will be with him forever. I look to that day, but for now I am striving to do as My Lord expects of me here on this earth.
10-9-09...TOLERATION IS NOT A MYTH
tol·er·ate
1. To allow without prohibiting or opposing; permit.
2. To recognize and respect (the rights, beliefs, or practices of others).
3. To put up with; endure
4. Medicine To have tolerance for (a substance or pathogen).
This is the definition of tolerate.I've tried to learn tolerance and in my life I've had to use tolerance a lot.
No matter what happens today my life will go on unscathed. If I wake in the morning things of today are just water under the bridge never to return. I'll forget what people have said to hurt me and I'll hope that I have said things to make someone feel loved.
You can learn a lot about a person by what and how much they can tolerate, and that no matter how much I am irritated by them I'd probably miss them if they didn't exist.
Daddy said don't always stand outside with your face lifted to the trees just waiting for a bird to come along and deposit right between your eyes. If you do this you are expecting and will get the worst.
I've learned that people who hurt others for no reason have very likely been hurt themselves. But just because I have pain and hurt doesn't give me a right to be a pain!!
I know that I need to look past what others are saying and doing but to look at my own shortcomings.
My Aunt once told someone who was making trouble to sweep off her own doorstep before she criticized others.
Tolerance is a big word. Hard to achieve sometimes but I strive for it daily. I know that I fail and I'm not perfect and I still have a whole bunch to learn.
10-9-09...TODAY IS ALL WE HAVEMy Parents taught me that I could do anything I wanted to do. They said try, reach for it. If you fall get up and try again. They said don't worry about the future or even tomorrow because Today is all we have. Do your best today and the future will take care of it's self.
The falling is what makes us strong, or does us in. We can lie there and wait for tomorrow or get up and finish out today. They taught me to get up. There is no future if you don't get up.
I have friends and family who are in such a hurry to get to tomorrow they forget about today and now. You can ask them to come for a visit but they don't have time because tomorrow they gotta have this or that done. How very foolish. Look what they are missing.
Now I'll admit I'll was one of those hurry up kind of people now and then but not as much as some I know. I had a dear friend who never could even be still long enough to have a phone chat with me. She had been that way all her life. She thought I was lazy I am sure because I took time to enjoy today. My house wasn't always spotless but you could eat off her floors if she would let you walk on them. I refused to have to take my shoes off every time I went in her house. Therefore we lost touch. She died a few years ago. Still in a hurry to get somewhere. If she had only slowed down and looked to today. She didn't seem to realize the future would take care of it's self.
I am slow now because I have to be. I neither know or care about the future. I live today to the best of my ability. That is what my Parents taught me and I'm still here. I'm still slow but I still enjoy the sunrise. When God calls me I'm ready to go but I sure aint gonna hurry the going none!!!! Nope!!!
10-9-09...RETIREMENT!!!!!Planning my retirement was a big joke. When I got up early every morning and hit the road to work without my third cup of coffee. I thought, Boy one of these days I can sleep all day if I want to. I can sit in my robe and drink coffee as long as I want to every morning.
What A joke. I'm up at least four time nightly cause my bladder has to be emptied. Then in the mornings three sips of coffee and off I go again. Sit All Morning? HA!
I remember my Daddy saying many times. “I've worked all my life so that I could retire and do anything I want to do. Now that I have I aint' able to do a dad burned thing. Boy Howdy am I understanding that right now.
I wanted to concrete my alarm clock in. The durn thing had been thrown across the room enough times it was shot any ways. I threw it in the trash and got me one of them new fangled clocks with a whole bunch of settings. It talked to me, played music to me, and even sounded like rain, or waterfalls, or a bunch of other things. The blamed thing did have an alarm on it but I wasn't planning on using it. WRONG!!! Now days I have to set that durn thing anyway cause Drs seem to think all us oldies need early morning appointments. First time I heard a space machine coming in my bedroom at 4:00 Am I threw that durned new fangled clock farther that I ever did the old wind up.
In retirement there is never any sleeping in. Nope! Your body is used to being up early and teaching an old dog new tricks never happens. Ya Know, You can lead a horse to water but ya can't make him drink', that kind of thing.
Driving at night is a hazard to everyone on the road so those peaceful moonlight rides in the country are out of the question. Now that I have time I can't see to drive and I can't get away from my pot very long or I'll have to change my clothes. Oh Well why the heck I thought I wanted to do that is now a mystery to me anyway.
Week-ends are just regular days now. No rushing to do laundry, shopping, etc. Now it's trying to figure out what day of the month it is or even what month or year it is. GOOD GRIEF
But Heck Fire, I'm retired and that's what I worked for all those years. Well By Golly I've reached my goal and reaching a goal aint nothing to look on lightly. NOPE!!
10-7-09...MY CHOICEI love sunrise. It is the start to a brand new day. Everything including me is fresh and new. Ready to face what the day will bring with a new perspective on what lies ahead. I can use the new day any way I wish. Mistakes of yesterday are no more. They all flew away in my dreams if I am lucky. I don't have to bring all the stupidity of yesterday in to my new day unless I choose to. The fact that sometimes I choose to is my fault. Even if the sun is hidden behind the clouds and the dark sky is red , I can choose to see the beauty in that too. MY CHOISE.
The sunrise brings all things new. It is a quiet time when it seems all the world has grown still and peaceful. I have all I need to make this day great or a disappointment. Again it is MY choice. I can choose to enjoy the Peace and beauty as the sun rises over the horizon or I can close my eyes and refuse to enjoy it. MY Choice.
I have lots of possibilities for today. I am the only one who can see these possibilities to fruition. My Choice
I can let irritations creep in, and sometimes I do, or I can rise above them. My Choice.
I love sunrise so why do I choose sometimes to snub my nose at it and think, “You can't make me like things the way they are. I want more”.
I have a choice to make for my day as that magnificent orb of golden light awakens the earth and gives light to my world fresh and new. My choices are not always right and good but I Choose to make my choices better every sunrise. THAT'S MY CHOICE!!!
10-6-09...MELANCHOLYa feeling of thoughtful sadness
a constitutional tendency to be gloomy and depressed
characterized by or causing or expressing sadness; "growing more melancholy every hour"; "her melancholic smile"; "we acquainted him with the ...
black bile: a humor that was once believed to be secreted by the kidneys or spleen and to cause sadness and melancholy
somber: grave or even gloomy in character; "solemn and mournful music"; "a suit of somber black"; "a somber mood
I didn't want to say any of the above so I'll just say I have been melancholy for several weeks now.
I'm getting tired of covering up my gray hair, wearing long baggy shirts to hide my corn pone hips, or to hide the age spots on my face. Heck fire that is too darn much trouble. Besides that it takes too much time from the things I still find enjoyable.
I like to remember my youth fondly but not try to achieve any of it again. I want to sit in my chair and rock as I watch the beauty of the changing seasons around me. I want to see what I can see while I can still see. I want to go as many places as I can while I can.
I don't want to remember any hard, sorrowful , or tragic events in my life. But I do want to remember every one of the sweet, magic, exciting, and wonderful memories of my life because I have had a bunch of them.
I don't want to regret anything I have ever done or said, (though I surely do sometimes). I've been told a bunch of times that I need to leave the past behind. Well I respectfully disagree with that. What I try to do is cry for happy and also laugh for happy. Remembering things makes me stronger and more determined to rise above the bad and be proud of the good.
It is kind of like a great painting, a masterpiece so to speak. Paint it all as you go and when the paint is dried and flaking you still see it just as it was when the paint was still dripping. Fresh and new and alive.
I want to keep the young girl in me alive and healthy. I want to look back on it all and smile. A old lady once told me, “Honey even the worst, most tragic and hurtful times in your life you can always find something good that happened then also”. I got to thinking about that and putting it in to practice. You know what? By golly it works!! We don't have to block anything from our lives, we just have to learn how to look on them and say, “JUST LOOK WHAT I LEARNED FROM THAT. LOOK WHAT I GOT OUT OF THAT”!
So now as I sit here with gray hair, wrinkles, sagging body, and forgetful mind, I will have no regrets, I will not worry about how others see me. I will be very content with what I am!!!! YEP!!!
