Saturday, April 18, 2009

THE I DON'T CARES

4-18-09...THE I DON'T CARES

Did you ever have the feeling, I DON'T CARE? It is a horrible feeling and I hate it when I have it. I think it is really self pity rearing it's ugly head up in my life. I really hate it with a purple passion.
I've been thinking Why ME? Well heck fire Why not Me? I don't have the corner on happiness, peace, and contentment, no one does. So I believe when I say why me I'm wishing it was someone else with my problems, and I'm ticked off because I can't get rid of them and dump them on the people who hurt me. That seems like the fair thing to do doesn't it? Good Grief, here I was minding my own business and I get hit from all sides like a tornado tossing me about. Is that fair? No, but would it be fair if I wished it on someone else? No, that would be a sin. I've been taught right from wrong but everyone don't have that advantage. I've always survived but is there supposed to come a day when I don't have to fight so hard to survive anymore? Well the answer to that is simple, Sure, the time will come when I get to Heaven. But right now I'm here on this wicked earth and the forces get so strong sometimes I want to give up and say No More, Thats it, I don't care any more. Well that is what The Don't Cares are all about. I have them and I hate it!
At times like these I have to reach up and hold on to Gods Hand. Then I always reach back and draw more strength from my wonderful past and the Parents who raised me to be tough and strong in times of adversity.
I've seen tears in my Daddy's eyes when he couldn't give me something that I wanted badly. Sometimes I know he was devastated because he couldn't stop a heartache for me at times, but he could hold me in his strong arms and comfort me and tell me it would get better. I've seen Mama struggle to find enough for us to eat sometimes, and I remember how she could make a bowl of mashed potatoes seem like a feast to me. Even a bowl of oatmeal became special when mama added vanilla flavoring to it especially for me because I didn't want oatmeal. My Parents took me to Church and Sunday School where I learned from the ways of God. That is a basic for young minds. But The Church, or the school also need supporting Parents at home to really guide a child. I had the best. So I didn't learn self pity and the don't cares. Nope I choose to feel that way every time it comes on me.
This morning I can see my Parents sweet faces as the strived and worked to make me what I am now. They would not be ashamed or disappointed in me today. They would hold me close and tell me it will get better. God tells me that to. I am a little ashamed of myself today. I am overwhelmed by adversity, but It Will Get Better, This Too Will Pass, I'm tougher that that and I'd better just take hold of myself and stop this. Thank You Mama and Daddy for all you have done for me. I feel your presence still saying, "Get up, dust your britches off, and get going. YEP!!!