Tuesday, August 18, 2009

LOOK BEFORE YOU FLUSH

8-18-09...LOOK BEFORE YOU FLUSH!!

There isn't much about my first husband that I want to remember. Not much about him worth remembering. He was the Father of my only son. One good thing he did.
He was an alcoholic and a mean one. My memories of him are not good or pleasant.
Because he stayed drunk most of the time he did things that were funny. Not funny then, maddening, terrible, and hurtful to me.
Richard was three when this incident took place. We lived in a fairly decent house that was rented. We had a bathroom of sorts and had not had one before. Richard was my pride and joy and my only reason for even caring at the time.
One night I woke and heard my husband barfing in the bathroom. I was trying to be quiet, I knew he was drunk and I didn't want him turning on me. I was just thinking, Oh my gosh, I sure hope he is hitting the pot with that and not the floor. I heard the toilet flush and finally went back to sleep.
Next morning way before daylight I woke hearing something out in the field behind the house. I kept hearing , grunt, grunt, thunk, thunk, clang, clang, plop plop and more grunts and groans.. I finally got up and looked outside. All I saw was a weak light that I figured was a flashlight. Well shoot fire I thought, whoever that is must be nuts, I aint messing with them. I tried going back to sleep but couldn't. I went and got Richard and put him in bed with me. Then I just laid there until daylight listening to those strange noises.
When I finally looked out I saw a big mound of dirt and more being slung out by someone with a shovel. Then I recognized the slinger of the dirt as being my husband. I thought, ''Oh Good Grief, what in the world is that nut doing? That is not our land. He can't just start diggin' anywhere he wants to. My gosh he'll get us put out of this house. First decent one we've lived in and he's gonna' get us run off''! I mean my mind was going fast and those thoughts were flying' round' faster than that dirt was being flung. I opened the back door and hollered at him. He came to the house and finally told me the story.
Seems during the night he had thrown up all his supper in the commode. I thought 'Tell me something I don't already know. I knew that much'. Well by golly while he was pukin' up his supper he also spit out his false teeth. Since he was drunk he wasn't very clear headed. He flushed the pot and stood there in a stupor and watched his teeth go down the drain with the puke. Yep! Sure nuff' did!
Why was he diggin' in the field you ask? Well he figured out the septic tank was there and by gosh he was gonna dig that sucker up and get his teeth. I finally convinced him that was impossible and he'd better get all that dirt back in the hole before the landlord saw it. While he was doing that I discovered that the commode was stopped up. With a little bit of common sense I figured out why. Yep, his dang teeth were stuck in the pot. Good Grief!
We had to have a plumber come take the pot out and retrieve his teeth. I was mad at the time and I took Richard and we walked around the block. Later I cleaned up the horrific mess and noticed he had his teeth in his mouth. I still gross out on that fact! I mean you couldn't have cleaned them things enough for me to put them in my mouth. NOPE! No way!
My Daddy always said. Honey always laugh so you wont have to cry. Well Daddy it took me many years to be able to laugh at that one, but you'd be proud to know that today I am laughing. THANK YOU DADDY!!!!