1-19-11...CHANGESWinter evenings when I was growing up consisted of Family time. We did everything together. In our house that included Brenda and/or her Brother Paul. We all watched TV, after we got one, or played some game that we could do on paper. We improvised to play checkers on a board someone thrown away and coke bottle caps and buttons.. A cousin who was in the Army came in on leave and brought us a Chinese Checker game that entertained us many a cold night at the Kitchen table. Someone gave us some Jig saw puzzles once and we all did those together while eating popcorn or parched peanuts. I don't really know what Families do now but I suspect it is nothing like we did 60 + years ago.
Sometimes Brenda and I made Fudge on Friday nights and we all shared the goodies together. I can still taste that old fashioned fudge. Not a bit like the fudge we all make today.
On summer evenings we played outside until dark where we found lots to do but Oh My those cold winter evenings stand out in my mind more.
Brenda and I had stayed out one night to a smidge past dark and we concocted a plan to scare the pants off everyone else inside. We were going to scratch on a screen and run a stick over the drop siding in the back of the house. Now Mamma and Daddy knew us well so somehow they had already figured out we were up to something. When Daddy glimpsed us heading to the back of the house he decided to beat us at our own little game.
It was a little darker than we really wanted it to be and that was a problem right away. As usual Brenda was hanging on to me and she said, “Clydene let's not do it, I wanna go in”. “No Brenda come on now you said you would help me, Now Come On”. Well since Brenda wasn't about to turn loose of my arm she reluctantly tagged along. First thing we did was look around for a good stick. Brenda wasn't about to do that either so here I was all bent over looking for a stick with her hanging on to my arm. “Brenda turn loose of me”, I whispered. That only made her hang on tighter. Brenda was always there to help me but only because she was grown to me somewhere. I wasn't afraid of much anything so it irritated me a bit because Brenda never corp orated with me. I was digging around on the ground and we must have looked funny with me bent over and Brenda hanging on. Daddy was standing just a few steps away and he got tickled. He tried to be quiet but snickered which Brenda heard. I heard it too but I thought it was Brenda. “Brenda shut up someone's gonna hear you”. Brenda didn't answer me but Daddy snickered again. I still thought it was Brenda. I guess Daddy decided we saw him and he started toward us. Brenda saw him move but I didn't. She was still grown to me and she was going to run. Now Brenda was a coward but she was strong as a bull and she was moving on dragging me behind her. She fell with me on top of her but she still held on like a vice. Daddy saw that she didn't know who he was so he said, “Girls”. He was still laughing and this time I heard him and knew it wasn't Brenda. Now I'm scared and I'm gonna move too. Brenda was heavier than me but this little big britches got up with Brenda dangling on my arm like a bracelet and tore outta there like all the Demons of Hell were after me. Daddy was so tickled by now that all he could do was beat his legs and laugh. In nothing flat I was in the front of the house going up on the porch. “Where'd that thing go Brenda”? “I don't know Clydene lets get in the house”. Just then Daddy walked up on the porch and we could see who he was. “Daddy there is something in the back yard and it's after us. Hurry lets get in the house”! Daddy was still tickled but trying to straighten up because he saw now how scared we were.
It took a while but we finally got it all sorted out and we understood that it was only Daddy. He felt bad for scaring us so bad and told us he was sorry to which Mamma said, “Well Girls you got the tables turned on you didn't you”? It took a while for us to live that down. The boys told everyone they saw after that and we sure took some ribbing. That was one time my bravery fizzled out on me by golly!!
1-12-11...ALWAYS GROWING
As I sit here in the early morning it is quiet and peaceful. I love this time of day. I remember, think, ponder, and just talk to myself.
Not goofiness like I'm prone to do but deep heartfelt thoughts as I look back over my long years on this earth. There have been tears and giggles, heartbreak and happiness, regret and shame, and wonderful times of such pure joy that I could hardly contain it.
Nothing remains the same. Things don't last whether it be good or bad. A storm may come crushing down on you leaving destruction behind. But storms don't last, they quickly move by. You sometimes think everything is good with your world but that don't last forever either. That is just the way of things, they will eventually change.
Sometimes we can straighten everything out but mostly we clean up and start over. Sometimes I feel like a young tender sapling amongst a huge Forrest. Scared, alone, unsure, and generally overwhelmed. I strive for more trying to look up but at the same time knowing I need to watch where I'm going for fear of being trampled under stronger things. Looking up is scary being surrounded as you are by things bigger and stronger, but looking down only becomes confusing and more scary.
You look around trying to find a friendly place and common ground with something. Your tender branches are not able to withstand the harsh realities of where you have found yourself.
Nothing around you is helpful but ready to suck your roots dry and destroy you. You know there is something or somewhere you need to be or go but you are lost and alone.
When I was young and carefree things seemed perfect. I'm glad I didn't know what was to come. I'm sure God gave me that wonderful magical childhood as a tiny sapling to prepare me for later when things got rough. As I have aged things have changed with me. I no longer dream of the future and all the great things I'm going to achieve. I am happy with the way things are most of the time. My perspective on most things has done a complete turn about.
My resistance to things like, problems, adversities, feelings, indeed my body does not respond to pain the way it always did. My feelings are much more easy to hurt and I'm finding the least thing and I go on a crying pity party. You would think that I'd have developed a shell hard as nails and not pent ratable by now but no, I'm very vulnerable to everything and I detest that. It takes years for a sapling to become a mighty oak and in the years spent growing it is never easy. There are those who would cut you down before you have a chance to achieve anything. You bend and crack but saplings are hard to break they bounce back.
I have achieved the status of an Oak now. The sapling that I was no longer exists. I am preening my branches and saying. I'm still here, look at me, I made it up out of the deep of the Forrest. My leaves are not ready to fall yet but they will. I just want to leave something behind that just maybe a young sapling can take root from. I hope I will.
1-5-11...MISS DODDMiss Dodd was a small woman, all crippled up so she walked like a spider. She had a walking stick that she would sometimes swing around like she was going to hit someone. She had a big smile always on her face with snuff stains on her chin, down each cheek, and all over her dress. Miss Dodd couldn't talk plain and her voice was gravelly. We were scared spitless of her. When we would go with our parents to Keys store(the only one close enough to walk to) sometimes she would come down the road talking to herself. I tell you now my bones would shake and my chin would quiver. Our parents tried to tell us she was a gentle soul and wouldn't hurt a fly but we were not having any of that business. Nosireee, We were just flat out scared. No two ways about that. Nope. As we got a little older we were allowed to walk up to the store by ourselves but if we saw Miss Dodd coming down the road we just very politely turned around and went right on back the way we came, faster than we came. The four of us were in the store one day and Miss Dodd just rumbled in the door singing. Now at the time we thought she was screechin' at us. She swung her stick in the air like we had seen her do before. Still don't know what that was all about, don't guess anybody did. She was just accepted the way she was. Well by most people she was but when it came to Brenda and I, now that was a different story! Yep. “Clydene lets run”, Brenda grabbed her brother and went draggin' him and I did the same with my brother. The boys were protesting big time. They were planning on a strawberry drink and just wasn't scared of that lady. Goofy things anyway, didn't they know she would probably boil and eat them. Lela Key knew we were scared of Miss Dodd so she tried to stop us, but heck fire we were gettin' outta there. Only problem Miss Dodd had stopped right inside the store and there was no other way out. Lela was talking but Miss Dodd couldn't hear good and we weren't listinin', we were planin' our great escape. Mama had told me that Miss Dodd was confused but she was a sweet lady. Shoot! Did she think I believed that? Heck no I never believed that and neither did Brenda. The boys were too goofy to know any better. They'd believe anything long as they got that strawberry drink. We ground to a halt about halfway to the door where Miss Dodd was standing and just stood there not knowing what the heck we were'a gonna' do. Miss Dodd looked at us and smiled that big snuffy smile and started toward us. Brenda grabbed hold of my arm and started trying to drag me back the other way, “Clydennneee come on”. I still had hold of my little brother but when Brenda jerked me he jerked free of me and took off to the drink machine where Brenda's brother already was. I froze, I mean slap'dab froze till my bones locked up. As Miss Dodd came forward Lela Key took hold of us and I think I must have flew in the air a foot or two, sure seemed like it. “Breeennndddaaa, Her helper came I told you she had a helper, I just knew she did”. Lela wrapped her big arms around us and held on tight talking in a soothing voice. She turned us around and hugged us to her ample bosom and kept talking till we calmed down. She led us over to the drink machine where our Brothers waited and got us all a strawberry drink. She took us out on the high porch where there was a bench built across the front and stayed with us till Miss Dodd got what she came after, paid Wallace Key and came out the door, smiled at us and just went on down the steps like nothin' had happened. I don't know what Lela said to us that day, think it must'v run off my brain but I do know she talked to our Mama's about it and it was several years before we got to walk to Keys Store alone again. I don't know what happened to Miss Dodd either, wish I did. We saw her several times after that but we were not quiet as scared of her again. Now I said "NOT QUIET AS SCARED" Did ya notice that? We were still scared, just not as much. I'm happy that Miss Dodd didn't really know how scared we were of her. Poor old lady. Didn't seem to have anyone to take care of her. I really don't know about that. Wish I did. Bless her heart. It would have been nice knowing her later in my life when I wasn't just a silly kid.
1-4-11...MY FIRST BOQUET
I have mentioned some of my friends from school at different times. I'd like to talk about my Friend Tommy today.I first saw Tommy when I was five yrs. old. I was at my Aunt Georgia's with my Parents visiting. Tommy lived with his parents just down the lane. Tommy and his Mom came up to Aunt Georgias. Tommy was the cutest little boy I'd ever seen with big blue eyes and blond hair. Tommy and I were outside playing. Aunt Georgia was sooo! fussy about neatness and she always had a beautiful yard. I was shy but Tommy wasn't. I knew better than to pick Aunt Georgias flowers, Tommy didn't. I had a good time playing with Tommy in Aunt Georgias yard. Tommy picked a big boquet of Aunt Georgias flowers and handed them to me just as his Mom, My Mom, and Aunt Georgia came on the porch. I will never in my life forget how he smiled so sweet when he handed those flowers to me. I can still see it today. “Come on Tommy we gotta' go”his Mom said. “No!” He said. I had taken the flowers and heard a big gasp. It was Aunt Georgia and her mouth was wide open as I clutched the boquet in my grubby little hands. "Tommy! You weren't supposed to pick those without asking". Oh! My Aunt gushed, It's allright, she lied. She was livid inside but trying to be polite. Anyway Tommy said "I want Clydene to go home with us". It's Ok with me his Mom said. I backed up and was shaking my head no. “She don't want to go Tommy”. As I said, I was very shy, Tommy wasn't. Tommy got hold of my shirt sleeve and was gonna' take me home with him anyway. I was jerking back and Tommy was pulling. "Tommy, turn loose of her you are gonna' tear her clothes off", his Mom said. Now folks I really did want to go but I was just too dang bashful. They went on home and My Aunt started moaning about her flowers. “Oh My Goodness, Clydene you knew better”. “Did You pick them Clydene”, asked my Mom. “No! Tommy picked em Mamma”. “Then Georgia (we pronounced it GEORGY and still do) Then Georgy don't get on to her”. That evening Aunt Georgy's boys came home from school and when they found out they started teasing me. “Clydene's got a boyfriend, Clydene's in love”. Hey! I was five and didn't even know what having a boyfriend meant. But I knew how to get my claws out and I did just that. Tore in to them like a mama cat protecting her babies. Aunt Georgy was splutterin' and almost foamin'at the mouth. Why the nerve of a five year old hurting her two babies who were 11 and 15. How rude of her. When we started to first grade in Sep. There was Tommy sitting across the aisle from me. He was the only one I knew so of course we were instant friends. I cried every day till recess when I could get outside with Brenda. Tommy would smile at me and it made me feel better. He would hand pencils, gum, candy, ect. across to me when I was crying. Now in 4th&5th. we got 'struck' on each other for a while. Puppy love for me. Don't know if Tommy felt the same way or was still just my friend. And Friends we remained through all twelve grades. There were only nine in our graduating class at the very small school. We were friends, almost like sisters and Brothers. We graduated in 1961 and Tommy was gone. Never knew what happened to him. Only saw him once in the many years that followed. Then when I got my first computer my Nephew happened across Tommy's Web Site and gave me the address. I contacted him. WALA' instant friends again. Now I have mentioned these things to Tommy and he doesn't remember a bit of it. It is glued in my memory and I'll never forget the first time someone gave me flowers. Guess that is the difference between boys/men & girls/women. We women remember the sweet things better. YEP!!
1-3-11...SUGAR BREADWe didn't have much when I was growing and certainly not a lot of sweets and snacks. Mama didn't always have sugar or what she needed to bake sweets. We had sorghum sometimes and My Granny made the best sorghum cakes you ever tasted. The icing was a kind of grayish sauce and I don't know what is was made of, wish now I had asked. We were just sooo! happy to get those cakes now and then when we got home from school. Granny didn't have recipes. If asked she would point to her head and say It's all right here. When I watched her all I could see is that she used her hands and a bowl for most of it. A pinch, a pat, a hand full, two heapin' handful, Etc. Not much help to me. I remember after I was married asking Granny to write down the recipe for a cake she simply called white cake. Well Granny tried to put measurement to it but it just didn't work. My white cake never turned out worth a flip. It was “Granny's Hands” that made those cakes, cookies, pies, puddings, and even doughnuts. YUMMY! They will never be duplicated. Nope
One day I said, “Mama can you make us a Chocolate cake”? “Sorry honey I don't have enough sugar”. “What about puddin'?” “Honey puddin' has to have sugar too”. “OKAY” , I said and just went on about my way. Mama had made bread that day and she told me later that the way I accepted no chocolate cake without a pout or a fuss made her feel so bad. Then she remembered what Granny had fixed for her and her two sisters when they were small. Sugar bread. Now that was not real sweet bread. NOPE! She sliced a good thick slice of her still warm bread, laid it on a plate and sprinkled a bit of sugar, some cinnamon, and poured warm coffee left from breakfast over that. She cut it in half and called Norman an I in. When she put that sugar bread in front of us we tasted it and you would have thought it was a big hunk of Chocolate cake Yep! Granny had fixed it for her and she in turn fixed it for us. Oh what a treat that was. Just a teaspoon or so of sugar and we had our sweet treat. I fixed it as often as I could for My son Richard too and he loved it. Well I've got fresh bread in the kitchen right now. So guess what I'ma'gonna' have after while. YEP! Thank you Mama , Daddy, and Grandparents for my raisin' LOVE YOU !!
1-1-11...PLAYHOUSEAs I've gotten older I have become more and more sensitive to things. Things I see or hear that either upset me, anger me, or make me happy bring tears to my eyes. I guess I've always been that way up to a point but lately I've had too much time to think I guess because things are flooding back to me like an avalanche and are overpowering me. I like to Think Happy and to have laughter around me and in me. The only way I can seem to do that is to “remember”. Now I can't remember what day it is most days or what I did yesterday, But' I can remember vividly the days of my childhood way down by the Rail Road tracks. Playing in the big yard, climbing the fragrant China-Berry- Trees, and just doing simple things that occupied us for hours. The day Brenda and I made a Play house under the house is one of those memories.We had found an old wooden crate at Hall Parks store and asked for it. It was a slow go getting it home but we managed. We drug it under the house where we had made chairs out of two big flat rocks and a board. Heck fire, now we had a table and chairs but we needed food and drink. In the house we went in search for something that might serve our purpose. As we looked around in the kitchen we spotted some dishes on the table. Salt and pepper shakers, a couple of coffee cups, and out of the safe two saucers and some forks and spoons. There was about half a loaf of Mama's bread and some strawberry jam on the table which made up our stash. I don't know how we managed not to get caught going out the back door with our treasures but we did.
We had a ball in our playhouse but finally knew we had to get all Mama's things back in the house. It wasn't nearly as simple on the return trip though. We carried it all out in one trip but for some reason going back in wasn't as easy. We were trying to gather it up when we heard Mamma calling us. “Well shoot fire Brenda we're gonna have to wait till she is not in the kitchen”. “Clydene I'm going home now” Brenda answered. She always tried to pull that. Joining in the fun and then skipping out on me. “No you're not Brenda. You gotta help me”. We called back to Mamma that we were under the house which gave us a little time.
We finally figured the coast was clear so we gathered things and crawled out smashing the bread and spilling some jelly in the process. When we were finally out and standing on our feet Brenda bolted. That little snot was going home, She Thought!! I grabbed her dress tail and that thing ripped off at the waist. She started bawling. “Shut up Brenda before you get Mamma out here”. By then we had broke the jelly jar and destroyed the bread, couldn't find the silverware,broken the cups, and ripped Brenda's dress off of her. We started up the china berry tree to try and hide but Mamma was there and the jig was up. Brenda took off through the pasture with me calling her a little scardy cat and Mamma was madder'n'a old wet hen. The bread was for supper so Mamma had to make corn bread. I searched and searched but never did find the silverware. I got a spanking. I said “Mamma Brenda was there too. You gotta spank her too”.
I was sooo! Nice that I reminded Mamma that Brenda needed a spanking when the little escape artist came back. HE HE Now wasn't that sweet of me? NOT!!!
12-31-10...MEMORIES
Remembrances brought to my mind,
By a fragrance from long ago,
When as a young child of tender years,
As my memory just started to grow.
Or maybe a sound of a whistle blow,
While a train moved along a track,
A bicycle tire on a gravelly dirt road,
Would all seem to carry me back.
I'd love to see those things once again,
What the years have slowly replaced,
With family and friends from days gone by,
As in my mind they are traced.
I'm glad for sounds of spring in the air,
The look of fresh fallen snow,
Lightning bug's glow on a summer's night,
The colors of autumn's rainbow.
They're all like a friend in a time of need,
Like family just stopping to see,
I'm so glad when they wander by,
The sounds and smells of my memory.
