2-25-09...FEELINGS (What Are They)
I remember once when I was very young I had been kinda puny. One day Mama said "How are you feeling Clydene". "What's feeling Mama", I asked. Well Mama explained the three basics for a five yr. Old to understand. Touching a smoothe rock and feeling its cool surface. If I see a frog there is the fearful feeling. And like then I was feeling sick. Mama wanted to know if I was better and I supposed I was. I really didn't understand the whole concept of feelings then but through the rest of my life I have learned a lot more about feelings. I looked up feelings in the Websters dictionary and their definitions were just vague things. Nothing concise or to the point so I'll just tell you my views on feelings from what life has taught me.
Happiness is a feeling of the heart to me. In a child happiness will make them skip and run and giggle. Since I'm older happiness is a secure feeling. An inner Peace when everything seems right. The other side of happiness is sorrow to me. Sorrow like you feel when you lose a loved one or when you see someone that you love being hurt Sorrow will kill you if you stay in its depths. Sorrow is also a feeling you have for yourself sometimes which also will kill your spirit and put you down. Not the place to stay very long.
Security was a feeling I had in Childhood when Norman and I were safely tucked in bed and I would lay awake and listen to my Parents as they talked in the front room or kitchen. Could never really hear what they were saying but I would lay and go to sleep listening to that gentle buzz of my Parents. Same in the mornings as I awakened to hear sounds of my Mama singing as she cooked breakfast. Daddy would come in and tell Norman and I it was time to get up. Rise and shine. Norman would jump right out of his bed but it would take Daddy at least three times to get me up.
Resentment and hatred are also feelings I experienced at one time or another. To be very truthful many times over the years. Normal feelings at moments. It is what you do with those feelings that counts.
Love is the most difficult feeling to define. There are so very many kinds of love. Your first love, love of parents, family, friends. I know my love of my son when he was laid in my arms the first time was the ultimate love here on earth. Then the heartache of losing him was the ultimate heartbreak. My Love Of God got me through that one. Those are feelings that we never stop feeling.
The word feel and feeling is often used lightly but to me feelings are who we are and how we react to things. It is a little word of very significant meaning. Some are intense and some are fleeting but they mean so much to our being. Feelings kept inside will fester and be harmful. Not only to you but to others around you. I had a breakdown once because of holding feelings inside. The Dr told me the day he dismissed me from the hospital, and these are his words I've never forgotten though they were spoken in 1975, "You can not bottle feelings up inside you Clydene, They have to get out somehow. The next time you start feeling trapped by your feelings, and you will, get it out any way possible. Either walk away from the situation causing it, or go somewhere and get it off your system any way you can. Scream, cry, stomp the ground, just whatever you have to do to release yourself. then get on your knees and Pray to God for help, If you don't then you are going to be sitting over in a corner somewhere talking to yourself". Some one told me once that the Dr was wrong. Pray is all I needed to do. In the shape my mind was in I would probably have Prayed for justice to come to the one hurting me. After I screamed it out then I prayed for help from my Saviour and not for any hurt to come to my tormentor. I think of the feelings I was having at the time and I shudder to think what could have happened to me if I hadn't followed that Dr's advice. I can't remember his name but I remember his face as he was telling me that. He showed me the feeling of compassion, not condemnation that others showed me. And By Golly I have never been know to sit over in the corner and talk to myself. No siree bob, not me. I let my feelings be known now. I try and not hurt anyone else with my feelings but I will ask them to stop. If they don't I will walk away. YEP! Now I will.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
THOUGHTS
2-24-09...THOUGHTS
I've been thinking this morning. Now I know a bunch of people who would say, "OMG! Watch out she's thinking again". They are probably right cause since I was a youngun' too much thinkin' always got me in trouble. Usually I took somebody with me so they are leery!
What I am thinking this morning is different though. It is reflective thoughts. Yep I have em'!
One of them this morning put me in to deep thought. Why in the world does it take us many years sometimes to appreciate and enjoy some things we have heard. I said heard, because it seems we hear, but don't learn. If that don't make sense to you I'm'a'gonna' try and explain.
I love the fall of the year but never thought to consider why. After all these years I finally know and appreciate the why.
When I was a kid and went to Ozark in the fall of the year there was a hill that you just came upon. The trees would all be changing and my Mama would say, "Just look at those trees up there, all the colors. Don't it just look like a big bouquet?" What in the world is she talking about I always thought. "Oh Mama thats just trees, how could it be a bouquet of flowers". I thought she was just being silly. "Clydene you can see bouquets anywhere if you just look, she'd say. Can't you see how pretty that is?" Well of course I couldn't see nothing but a bunch of trees then. Mama loved the colors of fall. Now I realize that is the reason I get such a cozy feeling when the trees start changing. I'm most certainly seeing my Mama enjoy it. Takes me back to wonderful times.
One thing I never got used to at the time was the color yellow. Mama thought I looked good in yellow. She dressed me in a lot of yellow. I didn't mind when I was younger. Heck I really didn't much care if it was any ol' putrid color. Didn't matter to me either way. When I was old enough to care though I didn't like yellow. Anything but yellow but please not yellow. Well it took me a lot of years but the past few I have just started to love the color yellow. Mama used to tell me that I looked like a ray of sunshine in yellow. Now I appreciate yellow and every time I wear yellow I remember Mama. I suspect I was just being contrary when I argued about yellow but I never got the chance to say "Mama I love yellow, Thank you for dressing me in yellow". Memories are made of things like this. Every time I think of a ray of sunshine I remember Mama's sweet face. A treasure she gave me.
Mama was not one to stick up for herself. She would let anyone just walk all over her and take it. She taught me to turn the other cheek and get along with every one. But Daddy, on the other hand, would say, "Don't start a fight, try to get away from it, but don't let anyone think they can push you around either. If they keep pushing you have to defend yourself. If you don't they will just keep picking on you". Both my Mama's and my Daddy's advice hung with me. I'm feisty, but will not look for or provoke trouble.
When I was putting on my shoes and socks this morning I could just see and feel Daddy teaching me how to put them on and tie them up. He taught me by putting on the right foot first. There is no way in the world I can put my left shoe and sock on first. Can't do it! Has to be the right foot because Daddy taught me that way. Habit? Yes probably. But how do we learn these habits? Think about it.
Same with our favorite foods. They are our favorites because we grew up that way. No one in the world will ever be able to fry chicken and make biscuits like my Mama. Not even me. But fried chicken and biscuits brings my Mama back to me. I see her standing at that old cook stove frying that chicken and I can smell those buttermilk biscuits baking the oven.
Good times are what memories are made of in our childhoods. I can remember some hard times too, but they just don't out weigh my good memories. I'm so happy I realize what made and forever keeps these memories in my heart.
I've been thinking this morning. Now I know a bunch of people who would say, "OMG! Watch out she's thinking again". They are probably right cause since I was a youngun' too much thinkin' always got me in trouble. Usually I took somebody with me so they are leery!
What I am thinking this morning is different though. It is reflective thoughts. Yep I have em'!
One of them this morning put me in to deep thought. Why in the world does it take us many years sometimes to appreciate and enjoy some things we have heard. I said heard, because it seems we hear, but don't learn. If that don't make sense to you I'm'a'gonna' try and explain.
I love the fall of the year but never thought to consider why. After all these years I finally know and appreciate the why.
When I was a kid and went to Ozark in the fall of the year there was a hill that you just came upon. The trees would all be changing and my Mama would say, "Just look at those trees up there, all the colors. Don't it just look like a big bouquet?" What in the world is she talking about I always thought. "Oh Mama thats just trees, how could it be a bouquet of flowers". I thought she was just being silly. "Clydene you can see bouquets anywhere if you just look, she'd say. Can't you see how pretty that is?" Well of course I couldn't see nothing but a bunch of trees then. Mama loved the colors of fall. Now I realize that is the reason I get such a cozy feeling when the trees start changing. I'm most certainly seeing my Mama enjoy it. Takes me back to wonderful times.
One thing I never got used to at the time was the color yellow. Mama thought I looked good in yellow. She dressed me in a lot of yellow. I didn't mind when I was younger. Heck I really didn't much care if it was any ol' putrid color. Didn't matter to me either way. When I was old enough to care though I didn't like yellow. Anything but yellow but please not yellow. Well it took me a lot of years but the past few I have just started to love the color yellow. Mama used to tell me that I looked like a ray of sunshine in yellow. Now I appreciate yellow and every time I wear yellow I remember Mama. I suspect I was just being contrary when I argued about yellow but I never got the chance to say "Mama I love yellow, Thank you for dressing me in yellow". Memories are made of things like this. Every time I think of a ray of sunshine I remember Mama's sweet face. A treasure she gave me.
Mama was not one to stick up for herself. She would let anyone just walk all over her and take it. She taught me to turn the other cheek and get along with every one. But Daddy, on the other hand, would say, "Don't start a fight, try to get away from it, but don't let anyone think they can push you around either. If they keep pushing you have to defend yourself. If you don't they will just keep picking on you". Both my Mama's and my Daddy's advice hung with me. I'm feisty, but will not look for or provoke trouble.
When I was putting on my shoes and socks this morning I could just see and feel Daddy teaching me how to put them on and tie them up. He taught me by putting on the right foot first. There is no way in the world I can put my left shoe and sock on first. Can't do it! Has to be the right foot because Daddy taught me that way. Habit? Yes probably. But how do we learn these habits? Think about it.
Same with our favorite foods. They are our favorites because we grew up that way. No one in the world will ever be able to fry chicken and make biscuits like my Mama. Not even me. But fried chicken and biscuits brings my Mama back to me. I see her standing at that old cook stove frying that chicken and I can smell those buttermilk biscuits baking the oven.
Good times are what memories are made of in our childhoods. I can remember some hard times too, but they just don't out weigh my good memories. I'm so happy I realize what made and forever keeps these memories in my heart.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)