3-29-10...DON'T EVER GIVE UP
There was a time in my life when I gave up on life. Nothing seemed to matter to me at all. I was broken down by cruelty, circumstances, heartbreak, and abuse. I was working every day and not sleeping or resting. I literally went on like that for six long months. I did not sleep a wink. I was running on empty, no hope for anything. Like a zombie I floated through day after day, night after night, hour after hour, and minute after minute. I know I held down a full time job but I have no idea or any recollection how. I lived on coffee and cigarettes. People I worked with tried to help me but didn't know how. I was a long way from Family or anyone who loved me. I might as well have been locked up in prison because I had no control over my destiny. I was told what to do, what to say, what to wear, how to act and I did it like a puppet with tight strings.
I don't remember a whole lot about that time in my life except that I must have had a will to survive. Somewhere way down deep in my soul the real Clydene was still there fighting to get out. I had turned off everything in my mind except what I was told was supposed to be there.
Someone told me one day that I could be knocked down with a feather. I tried to eat that day at lunch but it came back up. My stomach couldn't take it after six months of nothing.
Seldom was I ever allowed to drive myself anywhere. I was not allowed to talk on the phone or answer it when it rang. I was never left alone. I have no idea why but one day I had driven myself to work. It was cold and snowing. A big truck was passing me on the Interstate. I looked over at the big wheels rolling and I thought, “I can swerve my wheels and I will go in to those wheels and I can rest.” So I turned my steering wheel to go in to the truck and I hit some ice. It spun me the other way and off in the median. That slick spot saved my life. Coincidence? Luck? Of course it wasn't. It was a Higher Power that put my car in that slick snow. Think what you will but I know what happened. I was snapped out of my stupor and from that day on I started caring and I started fighting for my life. It wasn't easy and it didn't happen over night but I fought my way back to life as I had known it.
Times have not all been peachy or rosy since but I have not ever got down that low since and I never will. I still have a lot to do before I can quit. YEP!
