NOT A GOOD TIME

12-30-10...NOT A GOOD TIME

I try to be happy most of the time and succeed usually. But while Christmas is a Joyous fun time for some I know that there are some who it is a sad time for. I am one of the sad ones at any Holiday. It is not a scrooge Bah Humbug thing but a hurting heart thing.

I have always kept it at bay but this year I could not. Every year it has been harder. I tried to not ruin the time for my loved ones. Some of them knew and asked but how do you explain it. No one can walk in someone else's shoes and know their heart. Most of my family do understand up to a point and never condemn me for it. They love me and they want to help. But there are those that I must be around (in laws) who don't understand. They stuck knives through my heart this year and poured salt on the wounds. I need to spend the time quietly and just honor the concept of what Christmas really means. I make excuses for my actions and just offer my presence so the family that we have left can be intact. I think of past times when everything was so different. When I was happy and joyous. I watch as the kids eyes light up and know this is their time and I have no right to take even one moment away from them. I want them to have the kind of memories I have now. The warm and fuzzy happy heart feelings that will never leave me. I also want some new memories to carry home with me. Memories that keep my heart intact and carry me on for another year.

Please try and understand the best you can when someone seems unhappy at a time like this. If they can't really blend in and add to the time. Don't presume that you know what they are thinking. Don't call them an old curmudgeon or tell them to let it go. You don't know their heart. They may even have heartaches that you don't know about. Christmas is a time when those feelings surface. There are heartaches that can't be healed. They are always raw and painful. Don't make it worse for them.

This is a hard time for me but it will pass. I will once again be happy and try to be a Blessing to others. I will laugh and giggle and have fun. Just not right now. I have to get through this and I WILL! I always have.

WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

12-22-10...WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

I heard two young Mothers one day talking. It was fascinating to me how things had changed since my Son was a baby. I didn't even recognize a lot of the things they were talking about. One thing I heard though was the same when one of them said in a whiny voice, “Oh how I'd like to be by myself for a while with no kids or a husband to worry about. Never take anything or anyone for granted because you think they will always be there. I cringe and my skin crawls when I hear a Mother say things like that. I always want to say “Oh Honey Please don't say that or wish it”. Wishing and hoping for things you don't really mean or want could come true. One day has a tenancy to turn in to forever.
We all do it at times I know without even thinking about it but simple things like, “I'll be so glad when Christmas is over” even bother me. Is it Christmas they want over or is it what has been made of Christmas. Christmas in my time 60 years ago was simple and sweet, warm and fuzzy. It was a house full of love and understanding. There was no rush to the stores and being rude or dealing with others who are rude. It was families being together, sitting at a table together and feasting on each other not a big gourmet meal or things that are expected though we don't really want or need. We had the opening of gifts Christmas eve night which was not necessarily the Right way' but Our way.
Christmas today for my family is still being together. It is fellowship and visiting. It is my brother and me talking about our childhood and his boys talking about their childhood along with my son Richard. The young ones listen to us and make memories for themselves later on down the line. I buy gifts for my Great Niece and Nephew and no one else. At my age what do I need. I have everything I need unless you can give me a magic pill to give my old body less pain. My gift is being with my family and feeling the love that is flowing around me so sweetly. And that kind of gift doesn't cost anybody anything.

CHRISTMAS

12-8-10...CHRISTMAS

Christmas was never about gifts for my family. When we were very young and still believed in Santa of course the gifts were great but later as we grew up gifts became less significant. It was a day of family , closeness, and love. We had a large extended family then. Lots of Aunts, Uncles, cousins and anyone who had made their way into our hearts and our home.

Christmas was a warm fuzzy feeling that something significant and wonderful was about to happen. We were Thankful for what we had and the ones who we shared with.

Dinner was just like any dinner. We ate what we had. I don't remember ever having a turkey. Daddy would kill a fat hen from the chicken house. Mamma made the best cornbread dressing you ever laid your tongue to and her dinner rolls would melt in your mouth slathered with some fresh butter that I had usually shook in a jar. Then there was the Southern Pecan Pie. There was a big pecan tree in Brenda's yard and the whole family cracked the pecans and picked the nuts out with a bobby pin.

On Christmas Eve we always had a Program at the Church. The kids usually portrayed the birth of Jesus in a play. Then we had a living Christmas tree. The men built a wooden structure in the shape of a Christmas tree. We all stood on the layers as it went upward and someone was The Christmas Angel on the top. I remember getting to be the Angel one year. I had an angel costume with golden wings provided by the Church. The Angel got to wear a star on their head. It was beautiful. Each child held a beautiful ornament and we sang Christmas Carols with the lights dim so we could sparkle.

On one side of the stage was a huge Christmas tree (Cedar tree) that the men brought in and sat up. We had lots of lights and we made strings of garland with construction paper. We also strung popcorn and cranberries. That was as festive as we got.

I don't see Christmas as it was or should be any more. That warm fuzzy feeling that I got is harder to come by now. People around the stores are rude and in too much hurry. All over the store is Santa and his reindeer. Now Santa is OK with me, I don't have a problem with Santa. I do have a problem with Santa, trees, and gifts being the focal point of Christmas. I think if one more person says Happy Holidays to me I will explode. We got our Greatest Gift long ago when little Baby Jesus was born in a stable and laid in a manger. That was THE GIFT that means something. That is what Christmas is all about.

SHE WAS SLOW

11-11-10...SHE WAS SLOW

If you think you know someone who is slow, You would probably think again if you knew Brenda. OH MY GOSH! was that girl slooooowwwww! Still is. I was always early and I still like to be. All through our school years somehow I got appointed to make sure Brenda was ready and on the school bus. Well my Friends that was an almost impossible task. If we were at the same house it was somewhat easier but still a hard task. When we were at separate houses!!!! Now that was when the trouble came out and grabbed me in the throat. We had to walk up to the corner, turn right and walk to the next corner. Thats where the bus stopped. I'd start up our lane and here would be Brenda, out on her porch in all stages of dress. CLLLYYYDDDEEENNNEEE, hold the bus for me!!!! OOOKKKAAAYYY but hurry up Brenda, I'm gettin' tired of this!! It was the same every morning. Our poor driver was always so patient and waited on her. I know he didn't want to really, made us late for school sometimes. Besides the other kids started griping. I was getting embarrassed myself and had just about had enough of it. One evening I said Now Brenda you better be there in the morning. I'm not a'gonna tell Hollie to wait. Yes you will, You better Clydene. I'm tellin' you I aint gonna do it. We'll just go on and leave you. I guess she didn't believe I'd do it cause of course she did the same thing the next morning. Out on the porch half dressed hollering, CCCLLLYYYDDDEEENNNEEE! Tell Hollie I'll be there in a minute. Well durn her I had got my can plumb full of this and I wasn't gonna do it this time. I'm tired of this stuff, Yep tired of it. I got to thinking though, Now, If Brenda misses the bus she'll get to stay home and I'll have to go to school. Heck fire I'm not a goin' to school and her staying here havin' fun without me. Of course she wouldnta had much fun cause she'd a got in trouble but I wasn't thinking that way. Brenda, you better come on now. I ainta gonna do it today. I see it comin' come on right now, I mean it Brenda, you better come on. I'll wait right here for you, now come on Brenda!!! Well folks she got the point finally and decided I meant what I said so she ran back in grabbed her book satchel and here she came a runnin'. Hurry Brenda!! I'm a hurrin' Clydene, wait a minute. Well she came on all right. Yep she came on. HALF DRESSED!!! There she was in all her glory. Socks, no shoes, slip and sweater, no skirt, sweater on backwards. Oh My Gosh Brenda, you can't go like that! You're not dressed. Oh my Oh My what are we a'gonna do! Brenda I should box your jaws red, that just what i outta do!! Just then we heard the bus honk three times and pull out. We looked up and there that big ol' yellow thing went likety split up the road. There we stood. What'll we do Clydene. Well Brenda how in the heck do ya think I know! I guess we'll just have to stay right here all day. Then when the bus gets here this evening we'll just go on home. Nobody'll ever know. RIGHT?? WRONG!! My Mama heard the bus honking, and knew I didn't get on it. I don't know how she knew that cause she sure couldn't see up there from our house. Come to think of it, I'm still not real sure how she knew, but she knew all right. Yep she knew all right. She bundled my Brother up and here she came up the road. Brenda lets hide! Where would we hide Clydene? Sides I don't wanna. I'm cold. Well Brenda you shouda thought of that when you come up here half nekked' I'm not necked' Clydene, You shut up before I slap your jaws. You sure better not try it by golly I'll throw you in that ditch. No you won't. Yes I will! By then my Mama was there and the jig was up! Oh my gosh was it ever up. Mama was upset, my baby brother was a cryin' and Brenda was even bellerin like an ol' donkey by then. I don't know what you girls think your'a doin' Mama said, but you both get your tails down that road and you do it now. " BUT MAMA" No buts get going. Which we did. You are both gonna get your butts busted good when we get there. WHICH WE DID!! Yep we sure nuff did. Now do you think that all resulted in Brenda turning over a new leaf and gettin there on time? Shoot fire No! She was never on time and never will be. NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!! DURN YOU BRENDA. I STILL OUTTA BOX YOUR JAWS RED!!! YEP I SURE SHOULD! But I wont!!!

THE FIGHT

11-7-10...THE FIGHT

We sure didn't have a lot when I was growing up but I guess we just never knew that. I thought I was rich, and I was rich just not in monetary ways. My home was old and let in the cold air. But we had a warmth in love that kept that cold at bay. We had feather beds that my Granny made with her own two hands. We saved the feathers from all the chickens we plucked and cleaned for frying. Boy was it ever great to sink down in that bed and cover up with lots of the quilts that my Grandma made. She also made feather pillows. I still have two of those pillows all sealed up in plastic to keep them safe. I can't help but wonder what will happen to them when I am gone, but that doesn't really matter. Young people in my Family just don't have an appreciation for these things the way I do. What a shame, what happened? Now getting to these two pillows. They had to be re ticked when I was about 12 yrs. old due to a pillow fight. And of course Brenda and I had the fight. Not a fun pillow fight, but a knock down drag out fight. I mean we were rip-roarin' mad!! Brenda and I didn't have very many clothes. We had to take care of them because there was no money for more. We knew and accepted that. We often wore each others clothes when we were still the same size. I had a beautiful beaded belt that my Daddy got for me. I was so prowd of that belt. And That belt I would not share. No siree. That was my gift from my Daddy and it was mine. Mama shamed me for it but I wouldn't give an inch. Our parents had taught us to share with each other. They shared, and we were supposed to share. But My Daddy got me that belt and it was special. NOPE, Brenda wasn't a'gonna get my belt. What if she lost it, broke it, lost a bead. NOPE NOPE NOPE! It's mine!!One day Brenda came running in and said "Clydene I want to wear your belt tomorrow." Smart elec. She knew what the answer to that would be. “Well your Mama said I could wear it and I'm gonna”. We were in my room and I figured she was lying like a dog. “Mama didn't say that Brenda, and you know she didn't.” “Yes she did, go ask her if you don't believe me.” “No I aint'a'gonna ask her nothin' cause she never said that and even if she did, you still ainta' gettin' it Brenda, Now get out of here.” Brenda just walked on over to where the belt was hanging and reached for it. Well now let me tell you fire jumped outta' my eyes' and ears. I pounced on her back like a cat, got her around the neck and was a'gonna choke the ever lovin' stuffins' outta' her. We both went down to the floor, I got up first and the only thing I could see to use was Grandma's feather pillow. Brenda still had my belt in her hand and she warped me across the arm with it. Well I really came un-glued then and started warping her with the pillow as hard as I could. I snatched the belt outta' her hands and slung it over my head. She wadna' gonna' get my belt. Nope! It would be over my dead body. Brenda got the other I mean looked like snow a comin' down. Mama was at the door soon as she heard the commotion and got hold of us both at the same time. Now I wuuldna' known that my Mama was that strong but she lifted us both and slammed us down on the feather bed where we sunk in, face to face, nose to nose, forehead to forehead, spittin' and sputterin' feathers. Let me tell you we got our hides busted red with my belt right then and there while we were a' still sputterin in the feather bed. Mamma hauled us back up outta the bed and her face was redder'n' our butts were. She was steamin' mad. Of course with GOOD reason, don't ya know?! My Gosh, that was the worst mess we ever had to clean up. Mamma said “There hadn't better be one little pin feather in this room. I want them all picked up and put in a sack, and you two are gonna' put them in new ticks before the sun sets tonight.” WOOOO, Mama was mad. It wasn't easy but we fixed those pillows and Mama couldn't find nary' a feather left over. Believe me she tried. Now, Mama said she didn't tell Brenda she could use my belt, but I already knew that. Still I looked at Brenda's neck where you could see my claw marks and she was looking at the whelppp on my arm from her warping me with my belt, and we both started cryin' and huggin' and sayin I'm sorry. I guess you're'a thinkin' I let her wear my belt aint ya'. Well I sure nuff didn't right then and there but the next time she asked real polite like I let the little nut wear it. And guess what, She never asked to wear it again. HMMMMM! Now whata you make of that. Don't know but I got my suspicions. Yep!!

Clydene's New Puppy Coco

THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS

11-5-10...THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS

Every year at this time I start getting all misty eyed. It will be easy for me to just sit down and have a good cry. It doesn't take much. A kind word, a harsh word, good memory, bad memory, a smell, a color. In other words, Everything and Anything. Childhood memories can do it for sure. I guess when you get my age those are the most precious memories you have. I know mine are. And Christmas memories are the most precious I have right now. Could be because It is the Christmas season. Christmas Eve always found us in The little Church that I grew up in. We had a Big Christmas tree and our parents ( we found out later) took us each a Christmas package to put under the tree. Santa would be there at the end of the program and each kid got to sit on his lap and he gave us our gift. Down at the end of my driveway there is a little cedar tree. It is loaded with those little white thingies that from a distance make it look like it has snow in its branches. Now that is a Christmas tree in my mind. That is the only kind of Christmas tree we ever had. It was Christmas when that cedar tree was brought inside with that pungent odor all it's own. We didn't have ornaments bought at a store until I was a teenager. After we got electricity in our home we had one little string of lights. Seven bulbs that I just loved to look at. There was this stuff called angel hair, and packets of silver strings called icicles. Daddy came home one day with a sack. Somehow he had gotten a packet of angel hair and one of icicles. Oh Man were we prowd and so were my Parents. We didn't have room for a big cedar tree so it was about 4ft. I think.We all decorated together. I think my parents enjoyed it as much as Norman and I did. As I look back I'm sure it wasn't a gorgeous tree like you see now. It was a special tree and a special time. The icicles and angel hair that Norman and I placed on the tree was not neat but globs hanging haphazardly here and there. Mama and Daddy just left it the way we placed it and told us how pretty it was and what a good job we were doing. We didn't get the tree until two days before Christmas. Since cedar was so flammable Daddy said we couldn't chance it catching fire. When we went out to cut the tree was always special. Mama would save a lard bucket. Daddy put gravel in the bottom of the bucket and filled it with garden dirt all around the trunk of the tree. We could keep water in the bucket so the tree didn't dry out so fast. Everyone got something from everyone. If it cost a nickle or a penny it was fun and very appreciated. Each family had Christmas at home then visited later in the day. But Christmas was home and family. That was our traditions and all we knew. I'd love to have an old time Christmas like that again. I no longer have a live cedar tree but I did as my Son was growing up. Now I bring in some cedar branches so I can smell Christmas. What a treat to have that smell in my home once again as I go down memory lane. YEP!!!!!

JUST SOME THOUGHTS

11-3-10...JUST SOME THOUGHTS

This time of year is always so hard for me. Memories of what was and never will be again come pouring in so fast I can't contain them. The rest of the year is much easier because my mind can overpower the bad with the sweet memories of my youth. I can reach in the deep part of my heart and pull out such beautiful memories that sustain me. The four months coming up make that very hard to do. November, December, January, and February always tear down that wall of protection I have placed on my heart. The glue that holds breaks and the cracks of my heart no longer holds. The memories that overflow my being now are Dark and foreboding, harsh and cruel. This should be a peaceful and serene time. The year coming to an end, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and a fresh new year beginning. It should be and is usually for many. I tried so hard for so many years to make it so for me. I finally gave up and decided to just roll with the flow so to speak. Live for today. Yesterday has passed me by, I can't fix it. Tomorrow will come and I'll deal with that, tomorrow. Can't fix that today either.

So if the memories that come to me today aren't pleasant so be it. They are mine to do with as I please. They happened to me, I dealt with them then and I will deal with them now. I must deal with them in my way, and in my time. If I cry, I cry. If I pull in and discuss things with my best friend, Who is God, and just stay quiet and alone then that is the way I handle it that day. My best friend is always there and He Listens when no one else will. Today I have chosen to come to my un-seen friends all over this big and great world and open my heart. I'm sad and my heart is hurting. Soon after Christmas is my only Child's Birthday. Richard loved Christmas and Thanksgiving. His gray eyes would sparkle and dance. Richard never asked for much. I'll never forget the time he came to me with a catalog and asked, “Mamma do you have enough money to get me these three things for Christmas”? I didn't know how but I knew I would move Heaven and Earth to get those things for him, and I did. So while my memories of Richard are sweet and precious they still tug hard at my heart. They make me vulnerable to hurt and I cry a lot. If I seem to be neglecting my friends and family it is not intentional. It will pass. Please bear with me.

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

I washed your sweet face and kissed tears from your eyes.

Let you do some things while I sat and cried.

I doctored skinned knees and cooked favorite meals.

Only a Mother could know how it feels.

I watched you grow and guided your first steps.

Had to turn loose when you no longer needed my help.

I baked a million cookies and poured the pop.

As long as I lived I never wanted to stop.

I sat many nights beside you when you were ill.

Then Prayed my Thanks to God, you were once again well.

As I watched you cry or watched you at play.

I didn't think of the time when you'd be away.

I liked to watch your every move, catching you before you fall.

Choosing your friends for you.

The day I watched you go off to school, me crying like a fool.

Never knowing then that worse was to come.

I was to lose you for good, my only Son.

I still cry, but you are still here with me it seems.

You are here in my heart, You are here in my dreams.

I miss you so much, but you're here in a way

You left Mama so much behind

like sweet things you would say.

Your smile is in the stars that twinkle in the night.

I see your sweet face in the sun smiling and bright.

I feel your touch in a puppy so fluffy and sweet.

Your kiss in the whisper of a breeze on my cheek.

Clydene Overbey 1988

YESTERDAY'S DREAMS

11-2-10...YESTERDAY'S DREAMS

It seems like most days now I go running down that dirt road that leads to a dead end. There is black shale on that road and I am barefoot. I don't notice the sharp shale grinding in to my feet or that my feet have become black and maybe hot from the sunshine. All I see is two houses to the left of me and a train going by on the track at the very end. The house's are very close, In hollering distance. There might be a couple of kids in each yard but most likely there will be four kids in one of the yards together. Sometimes those kids might be squabbling over something but most times they are laughing and playing together.

As I get a little closer my heart beats in anticipation and fills with longing to hurry and be there in their midst. A big Collie dog with a limp comes to welcome me with his tail wagging so fast that his whole body is moving.

At the second house I see a woman on the porch calling to the kids to come on in “supper's ready”. She doesn't have to persuade them much, they've been playing hard all day and they are hungry.

I think to myself, Well she didn't ask me but she looks so welcoming I know she won't mind so I go on in and get ready for supper with all the rest. There are some more folks who also come to the door and they are welcomed as the Woman says 'Sit down and I'll get you a plate. There is plenty.

There is a square home made table that I know that kind tired looking man made with his hammer, hand saw, and nails. An oilcloth is covering the rough lumber. It has yellow daisies covering it and I think it is so pretty.

On the table is a large pan of pinto beans with some kind of meat in them sometimes but usually not. There is a huge bowl of fried potatoes and I know no one will ever fry potatoes as good as those. A big skillet of cornbread sits on a dishrag piping hot, a bowl of red sliced onions and that is usually all there is.

The floor of the kitchen is not level. In fact the table is slanted so far on the uneven floor that the girl knocks over a glass of something and it runs right down in to the lap of the man across from her. He jumps up and the lady starts cleaning up the mess.

I'm thinking, Boy that girl is in trouble now but strangely the man and woman just smile at her and say “Eat your supper honey, and be more careful”.

What a beautiful scene all of this is as it flashes through my mind. So real that I can feel the dirt on my feet and smell the beans and cornbread, fried taters and red onions. Only to realize that here I sit looking out at a very different scene, and none of that is real. Kind of sad until I remember that I can go again anytime I wish and once again be drawn in to that wonderful place that I can call mine. This makes me smile as my heart fills with such wonderful memories of a place exactly like that. Knowing that I grew up there and it all was and is mine makes me overflow with gratitude.

THE FACTS OF LIFE

11-1-10...THE FACTS OF LIFE

The young girl stood so straight and true.

Shoulders erect, eyes of blue.

Proud in stature, fair of face

and curls that hung clear to her waist.

She was carefree, happy, pure of heart

Fresh and pretty, lively and smart.

Nothing that hurts, nothing to fear.

She's young, she's unspoiled and held so dear.

Fresh and new gets ruined one day,

when age creeps up and has it's way.

On the face are lines and splotches and grooves,

Gravity kicks in, straight becomes stooped.

And what once was there, now here has moved.

Long hair that was black as the dark of the night

Is short and stubby and mostly all white.

But in her heart she's still young and gay,

And that girl is there, she's here to stay.

Clydene Thomas Overbey

CLUBS

10-31-10...CLUBS

We didn't have a lot of toys and things to play with when we were growing up so we had to improvise big time. Brenda and I decided we would form a sewing club. The boys, not to be outdone, formed a building club. We asked for the things we would need. Grandma gave Brenda and I some old scraps too small for her quilts and a needle each, some thread, and we even got a shiny thimble each. Daddy got some lumber scraps and one old hammer and some used nails which the boys had to pull out of the boards. Boy Howdy we were in business. Grandma showed us how to sew all the little pieces together in lots of layers to make pot holders and we went to work. We had cigar boxes to keep our 'stuff' in and were cautioned to keep it put up. Now girls you can't have any more so be careful and not lose those things. OK Granny, we wont. We did good for a few days then we got bored and wanted some 'pretty' colors to work with. Now girls I don't have any more Granny said. I told you that to start with. Well shoot fire Brenda, she's got mor'n enough. No used to be so stingy. Heck I know where she has a old dress of mine that is tore. We'll get that, it's pretty red and white. Now Granny was gonna' fix that dress for me to wear, but somehow I'd forgot that fact. We snuck' in the room where Granny kept her stuff'. There it is Brenda, get it and I'll get her scissors to cut it up with. Which we did. Never for any reason were we supposed to touch Grannies scissors. NEVER NEVER!! We'll hurry and get the dress cut up then we'll put the scissors back Brenda, Granny'l never know. Granny's scissors were very sharp and to be used only by her. She made quilts, sheets, and most of our clothes. Well the first thing I did was cut right through that dress and in to the dress I was wearing. Now I had two ruined dresses. Oh well this is just an old ever-day dress Brenda, It is green so now we'll have two colors. WHOOOPPPEEE! I went and put on another dress (we didn't wear pants then) and we ran in Mama and Daddies bed room. We sat down there and threaded our needles. I lost mine right away. We looked and looked. That durn needle was flat out gone. We were afraid to go back to Grannies scraps to hunt another needle. You cut and I'll sew Brenda. No I wanna sew. OK we'll take turns. Brenda we better go put the scissors back we got plenty cut . Heck fire Brenda had her dress cut now and it was yellow. We gathered up sewin' stuff' and put it away and went to Brenda's house so she could get another dress on. Before we left we heard Daddy saying, Boys, I picked up a bunch of nails in the yard, and WHERE IS MY HAMMER? Seems they had not been doing very well on their club business either. We decided we better kinda lay off our sewing club for a few days. Daddy started to get in bed that night and kinda scooped up that blamed needle I had lost with his knee. WOOOPPPS, THEM DURNED CLUBS ARE GONNA COME TO A SCREECHING HALT!!!! The next morning Granny was lookin' for the dress to fix, and first thing she noticed was somebody had been in her sewing boxes. Now how the heck did she know that? Huh? Also that morning Mama found some pieces of the dress material in the bedroom floor. CLLLYYYDDDEEENNNEEE, GET IN HERE. Well it didn't take much detective work for it to be all figured out. Parents and Grandparents are just too dad blamed smart aint they? We all not only got spankings but Grandma Patched the one dress that survived with all the colors of the other dresses that were ruined and Brenda and I had to take turns wearing it to School. Me first grade, Brenda second grade. We only had to wear it one time but that was ENOUGH! Yep sure was. It was so hard for our Parents to keep us clothed then. Daddy worked hard and always provided for us but we never had extra. I've said it before and I'll say it again. We deserved every spanking we got and shoulda' got a lot more of them. We reaped the cream of the crop when we got our wonderful Parents. NO DOUBT ABOUT IT!!!!! NOPE!

LIGHTING IN THE 40's

10-28-10...LIGHTING IN THE 40's

We lived in Rural Ar. In the late 40's and early 50's things were rough and everything we got or accomplished was new and big to us.

I'll never forget the day we got electricity in our house. We were the last in the area to get it because we were at the dead end of the road and had to wait until the workers got there with the lines. I suspect also there was a problem with Daddy getting enough money to pay for the installation.
We had coal oil lamps and I remember sitting at the kitchen table to do my homework with one of them in front of me. As a matter of fact I have that same one right here on my dresser. I chipped the globe one night messing with it when I shouldn't have been. That chip is there to remind me.
The crew was working up at the end of the road that morning very early setting poles and stringing wires. Daddy walked up that road all day until they got it to our house. After I got up I took every step he did. It was a fascinating thing for me to watch but I suspect not near as great as it was for my Daddy. After all he knew what it would mean to us and I didn't. I just thought the lamps we used were all there was. I can still see my Mamma and Daddy's faces when they finally got the power on and going. Daddy had hired his cousin to help him wire the house. There were wires hanging from the high ceilings with a light socket for the bulb to be screwed in. It had a chain on the end to pull to get the light on. One of the workers came in the house to be sure it was working. Daddy lifted me up and let me have the honors of pulling the chain for the first time. That humble but joyous look on my Parents faces was the one I saw every time there was an event like that in our lives. Humble people who appreciated everything they had and never were envious of anyone else who had more. That was the reason I was and am so proud of that house and everything that went along with it.
It was still daylight when it was finished so it was turned off and we waited till dark. That was a wonderful moment when that room lit up. I thought that was the brightest light I had ever seen in my life and I guess it was.
Till then we had a big ol' battery operated radio. Daddy had somehow got an electric one from somewhere and had it ready. I think someone gave it to him for some work he did for them but I'm not really sure.
NO plug ins on the wall. There was an attachment between the bulb and the fixture with a place for plugging in a cord. I didn't get to do that, Daddy did because he said it was dangerous. The radio was plugged in and a station found which wasn't very plain. The old battery one sounded better they said. But on Saturday night Mamma tuned in the Grand Ol' Opry and she was tickled pink Daddy said.
Oh my goodness those days were magical for me. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. Know What? I still think that. YEP!!!

WADING THE DITCHES

10-24-10...WADING THE DITCHES

Brenda and I waded the ditches when it rained in the summer. But we only waded after we got permission from our Mama's so they could watch us closely. Well usually we got permission first. This one day both our Mama's were busy so we decided not to bother them and go ahead. MISTAKE BIG TIME! We got in the ditch in front of my house. The ditch went all the way to the end of our (well I don't know what it was called then) block which was a lot farther than we really meant to go. Then we got out and went to the other side of the road. I like to think that we really thought this led back home, but I'm not sure we were thinking at all. Our Mama's never let us go that far and they certainly wouldn't have let us sit down in the ditch. The ditches were very deep and it had rained a lot so they were half full and the water just gushed out the end of the tile. We liked that. “Wow Brenda, ain't this fun”? “Yep sure is”! We didn't have any idea how far from home we were but we did know not to talk to strangers. An old man walked by right then and though he knew who we were we didn't know him. “Hey Girls”. “Brenda don't answer him.”

“ No I wont” she said. “Girls, you better get out of there. Do your Mama's know where you are”? “Of course they do” I said. “Don't talk to him Clydene” Brenda said. But he kept standing there. He was very old we thought and we can outrun him if we have to. “Girls, come on now there might be snakes in there”. “Brenda he's lying to get us out so he can get hold of us, just sit still till' he goes away”. He stood there for what seemed like an eternity to us then walked on. We Thought! “Brenda He's gone come on lets go home”. I raised up to look and there he was looking down at me. Brenda was pushing on me to hurry and all at once she screamed the loudest scream I've ever heard and fairly pushed me so hard my face hit into the bank of the ditch and buried up in slimy mud! “Sputter, Sputter, Gurgle, BRRREEENNNDDDAAA stop it that man is there”. “CCCLLLYYYDDDEEENNNEEE, there's a snake crawling on my foot”! “I don't care Brenda get back down before he gets me”. “NOOOOOOO! It'll bite me”! The old man was sitting on a rock where I suppose he was planning to watch us till our Mama's got there. And he knew they would be looking for us. He knew us and he knew our Parents. He was very old I guess because he tried to jump up when Brenda hollered snake and couldn't get up very fast but he too started hollering for someone to help. I thought he was a crazy little girl killer or something so I sure wasn't getting out of that ditch. NO WAY NO HOW!!! I said “Brenda get back down in there and I'll get that snake and throw it out at that ol' man. After it bites him then we will run home and get our Mama's”. I

I pushed her down and reached down to get the snake. Heck that was better'n' facing that crazy old man. “Where is it Brenda”? I reached down in the water and grabbed A LONG STICK! “Brenda you nut, it's just a stick”. I was actually mad that it wasn't a snake. Wouldn't do no good to throw a stick at him now would it? Poor old man. I'll bet he was wishing right then that he had just walked right on by them crazy kids Anyway you probably know the rest of the story but I'm a gonna tell you anyway. Our Mama's had followed the screams and hollering right to us. They sat our Brothers down for the old man to watch.( Mama don't set them down there. That's a crazy ol' kid killer) and pulled us outta' that ditch likity'split'! They were so happy we were OK, kissin' and huggin' and cryin' that we thought they would forget the hide tanning. Well they sure didn't forget. No siree. We got it good when we got home. We knew we deserved it too. And we were so glad to see our Mama's that day we woulda' almost asked for a tannin'. Well almost. If we hadenta' got all those tannings we wouldn't have been as loved as we were. NOPE, WORLD'S GREATEST PARENTS. We sure enough had that!!!!

MISS SALLY

10-21-10...MISS SALLY

I talked to a couple of my school classmates just recently. We talked about School days of course. The conversation got on our First Grade teacher, Miss Sallie. There are conflicting memories but I just have my memories so that's all I can relate to. Miss Sallie had been a very gifted and educated teacher in her time. She was old as dirt I think and her mind tended to wander. My friend Ruby says she just loved Miss Sallie to pieces. My friend Tommy and I both remember her being very weird. My first grade was traumatic any way you look at it with me bawling every day and Brenda across the hall wettin' her pants. I had plenty of adventures but today it's Miss Sallie I'm focusing on. Miss Sallie had a big knot of hair that hung kinda' haphazardly on the side of her head. Probably was supposed to be on top but I think it slipped. She had big thick glasses that made her eyes look big and buggy. I don't remember much teachin' going on. She told us stories. She would take her desk chair and move it in the middle of the floor near our desks. She told stories like, Jack and The Beanstalk, The Three Little Pigs and other children stories of the time. I don't remember her telling them the way I heard them from my Parents, or anywhere else for that matter. She just scared the ever'lovin' stuffins' out of me. When she told Jack and The beanstalk she would act it out. She could just curl my toes with her FE-FI-FO-Fum and she would stalk around the room swinging that paddle as she was saying her Fe Fi Fo Fum in a gruff voice. Then she would go to someone desk an slam that paddle down. When she did that to me it jarred my teeth. I got up to run and she said “HALT You Swine.”By golly I halted. I was so sure her stories were all true and factual. The one story I remember her telling that wasn't any I ever heard then or since then was just horrifying to me. She said that when she got ready for bed each night a little elf, that lived in her watch, jumped out and hopped around her bed and chattered and giggled. Then she said when she got ready to come to school the next morning the little elf got back in her watch and stayed there all day. She would take that little gold watch off and put it up to her ear and listen. We got to listen too if we dared, which I did, and of course the watches ticked then. Sooo! The elf took form ,at least in my mind it did, and became reality. The one time I told someone about it they laughed at me and called me a liar. Guess I told the wrong person. Miss Sallie never married and lived with her Mother next door in the house she was probably raised in. She took us over there all the time and I was just scared spitless. I couldn't really remember but I thought her Mom was still there and My Friend Tommy confirmed that she indeed was. I got a clear picture from his description of her. Solid white hair pulled up on her head in a not too tidy bun. Kinda big and has long hairs growing out of her chin. That old house as I remember it was like the story of Hansel and Gretel that Miss Sallie had told us. So Of course the lady was the witch in the story as far as I was concerned. I hated going over there but My Friend Ruby told me she just loved going. I remember one day I said to my friend Billie, lets run, we gotta get outta here. She was ready to go and we started to do just that but Miss Sallie saw us and told us, Come on now girls, we are having an adventure, there is more to learning than books. Well for my part of that I'd rather have been back where the books were! I just knew that little elf was lurking around there getting ready to jump on my back and chatter in my ears and I sure didn't want that. The house was dark, drab, and musty smelling to . She took us in a bedroom. I remembered the elf and bolted again. She said “Come back little girlie, you can't get out”. Horrible Horrible Horrible. I realize now that Miss Sallie must have taught us something, that is just not the part I remember. Surely to Goodness we learned, at least some of us did. As I remember there were about 15 in our first grade class but 9 of us is all that made it to the second grade. And it was us 9 for the next 11 years. We graduated in 1962 and we aint any of us no dummy. We had to of learned. That was Miss Sallies last year to teach. The next year Miss Bonnie was the first grade teacher. Miss Bonnie had never married either. Sometimes I think those were the smartest people but they were weird to me then and still are. Yep my first grade of school was certainly a big adventure. But I did OK. No worse for the wear. Yep did pretty good I'd say. YEP

SCHOOL WAS A DRAG

10-19-10...SCHOOL WAS A DRAG

When I started first grade Brenda was in the second grade. She was seven month's older and her birthday fell so she could start before me. We both hated it. The morning I started to school Brenda and I were so sure that we could again be together all the time the way we had been all our lives. How wrong we were. We of course were in different rooms and only saw one another at recess. Well I dont know how Brenda made it through the first grade without me I just knew it was a hard time for me. Brenda was still shy and wouldn't ever speak up and I wasn't there to do it for her so she almost failed the first grade. Auntie thought it would be better the year I started, but it was not to be. Brenda wouldn't ask to go to the bathroom and she would wet her pants in class. At recess I would go running to Brenda's room and we would go out together to the playground. I don't think I even got aquainted with my class that year very well. And the reason was I cried till recess when I could see Brenda. We tried everything to stay together. One day we climbed a pear tree on the grounds and tried to hide when the bell signaled recess was over. Another we got in the toilet and stayed in there. Our teachers caught on to our little schemes and watched us very close. They even decided to separate us and not let us play together at all. Well Let me tell you when that happened we were not havin' any of that. Nosiree guys that aint'a gonna' work. We pulled sit downs and running from them, nothing was working. Well we had'ta do something so we hatched up a good scheme. We Thought. We sneaked down to the far end of the play ground and sat down. We sat there and when the bell rung the end of recess we both laid down. “Brenda now when the teacher gets here start crying and tell them we are both sick”. Well I guess Brenda was learning not to do everything I said anymore so she said “NO I aint'a gonna' do it Clydene I ain't, You do it”. “Oh Well My goodness Brenda you little stubborn thing just watch and do what I do”. It was Miss Sally and Miss Sullivan our teachers who came after us. I started crying and said “we are sick Miss Sally we've a'gotta go home. We wanna go home”. “Yeaw we are sick” Brenda said in a perfectly normal voice. “I hollered Brenda you are'a sposed' to cry, you aint cryin'”. Well that did it. If they hadn't already figured it out they sure did then. I had already been crying every day in class anyway so wasn't a very good idea for me to cry, and Brenda wouldn't do it so the jig was up. But I wasn't quiet ready to give up yet. I just set there and stubbed up like an old opossum and of course Brenda was good at that anyway so she did it too.. BUT------ It werent' a workin'. There weren't any Peach trees near by but the teachers didn't use them anyway. They had paddles and just happened to have them with them. They took us to the toilet. ( which was not far away. they were outside toilets don't ya know) and used those paddles. Then took us back to the classrooms and told everyone what we had done. To add insult to injury they sent notes home to our parents and they did have a peach tree. Yep I guess we learned another lesson though I really don't know what that one was cause we still wanted to be together. Had to tough that year out though and the next one. It was a small school and 3rd and 4th were in one room and 5th and sixth were in one room. So we were finally together again. Yep together till' she married and moved to Kansas, then we really had something to cry about. Was never the same again. But Hey we still had a lot of growing up to do and we were and still are close. Sisters in all but name. GOOD NUFF'

I CAME IN KICKING AND SCREAMING

10-18-10...I CAME IN KICKING AND SCREAMING

I was born on a hot August day in 1944. My Mama had kidney poisoning and almost died. I asked her one day, “Mama did I almost die as too”? “Heck no Clydene, she said, you came in to this world kickin' and screamim' and you haven't stopped since”!! When I think back on all the honery things I've done I know she was tellin' the truth when she said that. I must have been a mess all my life and with the help of my side-kick Brenda there was no stopping me. What a relief it must have been to our Mama's when we started to school. Out of their hair for a while. I figured they both sighed with relief every morning when we got on the school bus. Now I cried for a long time in school. Miss Sallie gave me lots of paddlins', shamed me to the others, ignored me and everything she could think of. Just didn't work. Mama would get me ready every morning and send me up the road to catch the bus. I tried and tried to sneak back to the house and 'miss' the bus. I knew there was no way for Mama to get me there if I missed the bus. That Woman always caught me and sent me right back up that road . Heck fire, I never got away with that even one time.
One night when Brenda stayed at my house I devised one of my brilliant plans. “Brenda we'll get sick and they wont make us go”. “How Clydene”? Well I had to think on that for a spell but I came up with a brilliant plan. YEP A Stupendous plan (as in stupid). Mama kept ex-lax for the obvious reasons. I knew that if she ate too many of them she had PROBLEMS!! I saw her do just that a few times and I knew she was , shall I say disabled? indisposed? for a while. “Heck Fire Brenda that'll do it. And they are chocolate and I bet they are good!!” EX-LAX came in a cute little blue box all wrapped up like a candy bar. Shoot I'd always wanted to taste them and I knew where she kept them too by golly. I got me a chair and climbed up to reach them on a shelf in the old pie safe. “Brenda it's a whole box”. “Recon how much we should eat” Brenda said. Well I heard Mama say she took too much so it must be a lot. Heck we just divided them and ate the whole durn box. That outta work. “Well shoot fire Brenda it aint working” I said sometime in the night. “Guess that aint'a'gonna keep us outta school after all. SHOOT!! Well I don't know how long it took but Yep it did work. It worked big time!! I woke up with the most awful ache in my stomach I ever had. “Oh Brenda, go get Mama, I'm sick!” “Clydene I'm sick too, You go get her”. “OOOHHH Brenda I'm dyin' I'm dyin' Get Mama Quick”. “I'm dyin' too Clydene. Whadda we a'gonna do”? Well we knew right away what we were gonna do. Yep no doubt about it. We knew. It lasted the rest of the night out in that ol' toilet. I was never so sick and by golly I didn't have to go to school either.
I'm quiet sure Mamma got a few more gray hairs that night. Oh I came in kicking and screaming all right and I'm still good at kicking an screaming by golly.

MY ANGEL STORY

10-6-10...MY ANGEL STORY

I haven't shared this with very many people but I'd like to. I think everyone should know that things like this happen daily.
It was a Sunday morning just like any other. I was up getting ready to leave for Church when I started hurting in my chest. I checked my B/P and it scared the tar out of me when I saw it was 292/187. HIGH!!! I hollered at my Husband and told him I had to go to the hospital. He said he had to shave first. Yep! Sure did. So I waited.
At the Er they grabbed hold and I was surrounded in seconds. Hooked up to everything it seemed. They planned to stabilize me and air lift me to the cardiac wing in a larger hospital 50 miles away. Plans don't always come to completion because They could not get my B/P down. It wouldn't budge. Around noon they put me in ICU. I had a Private nurse who hovered. Oh, Did I mention I remained calm? Yep sure did!
I had drowsed and woke to the Nurse standing over me around 2AM I'm told. I said it is higher isn't It? She said Yes the Doctor is on his way. My Brother who lived only a few blocks away was already there. That room, which had seemed dark and tomb like, suddenly lit up bright. I looked up and I saw my Son , Who is in Heaven, as plain as I had seen him many times, looking at me. I wanted to hug him and I was trying to get to him but the vision vanished and another presence seemed to be standing at my side. It was very clear in my mind that I wasn't going to get to go to my Son, I was staying here. The Presence beside me was strong and it was peaceful. I don't remember anymore until the next day when they took me down to a private room. I was fine, my B/P was down. I was there three more days to get the B/P regulated and stable. What Happened? Nothing mysterious or spooky, but reality. I had a near death experience. I got a glimpse of my Son in Heaven but God wanted me to stay here. That's it, Simple. I'm Thankful!!

FLUFFY AND MISS PERSNICKETY

9-2-10...FLUFFY AND MISS PERSNICKETY

I'm sure you've all been around a persnickety person or two. One of my Aunts was the worlds worst. She didn't like animals of any kind, She didn't like to come to our house because we weren't prim and proper like she was, She would dissect her food if she did happen to eat with us looking for what I don't know, Before she would sit she would look and swipe like she thought there was vermin on our chairs. I don't think she liked kids at all even her own. I didn't like her much but she was my Daddies sister and we had to tolerate her now and then, especially since we would never go to her house where we weren't proper enough and miserable while there.
We had chickens and Daddy let them out to run a while about dusk and they would go back into roost and be fenced back up. Of course every time the old bag came she stepped in some chicken poop. Someone gave me what was called a fancy feather legged rooster. It had a fluffy top comb all white and lacey and fluffy feathers on it's legs and feet. Very pretty and probably not much good for anything but I had raised it and I loved it. It would fly up and sit on my shoulder for long times. It liked everyone but we had a special bond.
One day the Aunt had seen fit to grace us with her presence for which we were supposed to be eternally grateful . I was outside of course and my rooster was with me. She made a big fuss about me playing with a 'dirty chicken'. Daddy told her not to bother herself with what any of us did and mind her own business. He wasn't fooling with her nonsense.
It bothered me that she didn't like me and I wanted to find something to make her like me. I thought maybe she'd like to see my pretty rooster a little closer so I put Fluffy on my shoulder and in the house I strutted with a big smile on my face. I said before Fluffy liked everyone and he did. When old persnickety saw Fluffy she came unglued. The old hag started screeching and running around like the crazy woman that she was and scared the dickens out of Fluffy. He hadn't ever seen anyone like that so all he knew to do was go on the attack. You know,, Get her before she gets me? He flew off my shoulder and smack dad on hers or I think that was what he intended but he got all tangled up in that birds nest hairdo of hers and down that mop came in her face. She couldn't see but she was running around like a chicken with it's head cut off (No not you Fluffy)
Daddy caught Fluffy and handed him to me and said to take him outside. I thought I was in a lot of trouble when I saw the aunt take off to her car and get out of there. When I went back in the house I told Daddy that I didn't mean to scare her I just wanted her to like me. Daddy told me not to bring Fluffy in the house anymore and that was all he said. Sometime after that I found out that Daddy had been upset with his Sister for the way she had treated us all. I don't know what he had said to her but she acted better the next time we saw her. I heard Daddy say one day that he could take it but by golly his kids didn't have to take it and he was not going to put up with it. I didn't really know what he meant then. BUT I Do Now.

SUMMERTIME

8-29-10...SUMMERTIME

My Brother Norman and I used to sleep outside when it got so terribly hot. We didn't have AC I doubt anyone did then. Probably if they did they were way above us monetarily. We didn't even have a small fan of any kind. We had a quilt that we used as a pallet outside. Often one of us would go to the other in the night and say, "Lets go out in the yard to sleep". Up we'd jump an off we'd go to the front yard and lay out our pallet under the big cedar tree. Looking back I can't understand why we picked that tree. It was usually full of bugs that would fall on us and the foliage was stickery to say the least. That was the place we picked for whatever reason. It's a wonder a snake hadn't crawled on us. OOOH It scares me to think of that now. Isn't it amazing how resilient kids are?
One night it was so hot we couldn't really get cool even outside but I did eventually go to sleep. Sweat was running down my face in rivulets. My hair was wet and sticky. Sometime later I woke and the sweat was running off my nose and it tickled. I reached up to wipe my face and one big drop of sweat didn't feel right. It was too big an too solid to be sweat for one thing. Second thing was how it moved when I swipe my hand over it. UH OH, that was live. I thought probably a baby bird had fell out of it's nest in the tree so I cupped it in my hands and elbowed Norman. "Wake up Norman, we've gotta put this baby back in his nest". He said, "We can't see to do that tonight Sister we'll have to wait till morning". "What are we gonna do with it now". While we talked it over I got tired of holding the bird and asked Norman to take it. He reached out and I opened my hands for him to take it. Well By Golly that blamed baby bird hopped out of my hands and on to my bare leg. WOOPS! "Noooorrrrmmmmaaannn, That aint no bird". "What is it then?" Well let me tell you I had figured out by then what it was and it sure weren't gonna stay on me. No Sir Ee. I couldn't move that fast now if my life depended on it but I was on the porch in a couple of jumps screaming to the top of my lungs. "A FROG, A FROG, Oh My God a frog". Norman wouldn't laugh at me for being scared of a frog, because he remembered putting one on me once and I almost passed out, but he was trying to tell me it was only a little ol' tree frog no bigger than my Daddies thumb. Didn't matter to me how big, A frog is a frog is a frog and I hate frogs. I opened the screen door and hit the solid wall that was my Daddies chest. Knocked the wind out of me but I was moving on.
Norman had to promise me that he'd keep all frogs off me before I went out again and I wouldn't go that night at all.
Good Grief, Can you see a kid now lying down in the yard like that right out in the open with no cover except a cedar tree?

GROUCHY

8-29-10...GROUCHY

Someone called me grouchy this morning and my first thought was to tell her off good. How dare she call me grouchy. HOW DARE SHE. Now usually I would bristle up like an old settin' hen and my claws would be out. The fact that I thought before I acted was new. My Mamma taught me to always think before I open my mouth to spew out fire. I know the rules but down through the years sometime I left that wisdom far behind. I thought, Hey I knew how it was done and somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind it got out again. The fact is that I have been very grouchy lately. Very Grouchy!! The thought right after that piece of wisdom is that I have reason to be grouchy but that doesn't count for much when there are so many others in the same boat with me. If we don't start THINKING before we speak we are going to sink the boat now aren't we?
Mamma didn't just say think before you speak either. She said 'Think about what that person has on their mind when they grouched at you and what might have happened to them that made them that way. Don't take for granted that everything is OK with them because It might not be'.
We just can't know what others have to deal with at any given time. We can't look inside their minds and even begin to understand the problems, hurts, or heartaches that are there ready to surface.
We all need someone that we can confide in. Someone who loves us just for us. Someone who will stand beside you and uphold you. Love us when we are un-lovable as I have been lately. Someone like that is a true friend. We can pick out our true friends fast when we are troubled, They stay by your side. They wont say "you are grouchy" they will say "What's wrong, can I help"? They never say that don't make sense. They don't offer advise unless you ask for advice. They won't say anything, they will just sit quietly by, cry with you just the way they laugh with you. That's a friend. I have many friends but only a few REAL FRIENDS. I should have thought about that before I said anything to her in the first place this morning. She is not a friend. So if she calls me grouchy so what? I probably wouldn't have been grouchy with a friend this morning. So when someone is grouchy with me the way I was this morning I'm going to try and stop and think before I let it bother me from now on. At least I hope I will. TEE HEE

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

8-19-10...I DON'T UNDERSTAND

School is starting up today in the schools here. I imagine it is the same almost everywhere. I couldn't help the thought that came to my mind about those poor little babies in the lower grades. My first thought was , 'Oh My Goodness I hope no one leaves their child locked in their car all day and forgets them'. That happens so much it seems. Poor little trusting kids dependent on their parent or care giver. I just can't comprehend a parent, especially a Mother, going about their business all day and forgetting their child in the car. Last year even a Teacher in this area did that very thing. Her child was so blessed that a cousin was coming to school and saw the baby sitting there cooking in that hot car. It has actually been happening all summer around here and almost everywhere else.
We have an excessive heat warning today. How long would a small child have to suffer? What in the world is going on with people now? It is not just babies dying in hot cars, they are raped, kidnapped and murdered, drown and pushed in a big body of water strapped in car seats. Small children raped and murdered by big men who are sex offenders. What makes that worse is that these perverts get out of jail almost as soon as they are convicted. It just makes me sick to my stomach and mad as heck. These people should never have kids at all. I don't understand why they don't just give them up for adoption by someone who really wants a child. My heart just breaks even thinking about this. What in the vworld is going to be done about this?

A TRAGEDY

7-25-10...A TRAGEDY

I know for a fact that even with the had things we went through as kids we were still some of the most Blessed kids in the world. Thinking what others my age had to endure then just brings that home to me more.
There was another house that was right on the tracks like ours. I had a friend who lived in that house and I could walk up the RR right of way and go there in about 10 minutes. I visited her often and I can see that house like it was yesterday. It was fairly large and good thing it was because they had 10 kids in that house. My Friend, (I'll call her Ella) lived there with that huge family and she was the baby of the group. We were probably about 10 then. She and Brenda never developed the friendship that I had with Ella.
Ella's Mom and Dad were jolly and good but never had the time they needed to spend with their kids even though you could see the love they had for them. The older ones took care of the younger ones mostly. There was only one boy in the whole 10 of them and he stayed in the woods for reasons obvious.
Ella's Daddy was a farmer and he worked hard just like my Daddy did in the coal mine. He was a big man. He had an old tractor that had seen it's better days. He was out on the tractor cutting hay one day at dinner time and Ella's Mamma sent us to take him water and food.
He was quiet a ways from the house and as we got closer we could hear the tractor running and see smoke rising in the air.
We never suspected anything was wrong and just took our time getting there. What we saw when we did get there was the tractor burning. We didn't see her Dad at first but as we ran closer the tractor exploded and we say her Dad crawling toward a little creek close by. His clothes were on fire and he was screaming. Never before or since have I heard such a sound. A high pitched moan. The grass was on fire but wasn't spreading much because it was green.
We ran on to the creek and her Dad was lying in the edge of the water and he was quiet. The smell still haunts me sometimes. Mostly the memory has been blocked out of my mind. Very seldom does it come back.
Her Dad was already gone but we really didn't know that. He was black and charred.
WE ran back to the house as fast as we could get there and told what we could. Ella's Mom sent me home and told me to go to the only neighbor who had a car and ask for help. I did that and the people sped off in their car.
I went home and it took me a while but I told Mamma what had happened.
All the neighbors walked up the track to try and help. All of us kids stayed together in one house with older ones to watch us.
Ella and her family moved away after that and I never saw them again but I know, now even better than then, how hard they must have had it in years to come.
The house sold and the new family were middle aged with no kids. Mamma went up the track from time to time and visited with the woman but I never wanted to go with her.
It was a terrible thing to happen and made my Parents seem even more precious to me.

Daydreams of Yesterday With Gratitude

7-22-10...Daydreams of Yesterday With Gratitude

It seems like most days now I go running down that dirt road that leads to a dead end. There is black shale on that road and I am barefoot. I don't notice the sharp shale grinding in to my feet or that my feet have become black and maybe hot from the sunshine. All I see is two houses to the left of me and a train going by on the track at the very end. The house's are very close, In hollering distance. There might be a couple of kids in each yard but most likely there will be four kids in one of the yards together. Sometimes those kids might be squabbling over something but most times they are laughing and playing together.

As I get a little closer my heart beats in anticipation and fills with longing to hurry and be there in their midst. A big Collie dog with a limp comes to welcome me with his tail wagging so fast that his whole body is moving.

At the second house I see a woman on the porch calling to the kids to come on in “supper's ready”. She doesn't have to persuade them much, they've been playing hard all day and they are hungry.

I think to myself, Well she didn't ask me but she looks so welcoming I know she won't mind so I go on in and get ready for supper with all the rest. There are some more folks who also come to the door and they are welcomed as the Woman says 'Sit down and I'll get you a plate. There is plenty.

There is a square home made table that I know that kind tired looking man made with his hammer, hand saw, and nails. An oilcloth is covering the rough lumber. It has yellow daisies covering it and I think it is so pretty.

On the table is a large pan of pinto beans with some kind of meat in them sometimes but usually not. There is a huge bowl of fried potatoes and I know no one will ever fry potatoes as good as those. A big skillet of cornbread sits on a dishrag piping hot, a bowl of red sliced onions and that is usually all there is.

The floor of the kitchen is not level. In fact the table is slanted so far on the uneven floor that the girl knocks over a glass of something and it runs right down in to the lap of the man across from her. He jumps up and the lady starts cleaning up the mess.

I'm thinking, Boy that girl is in trouble now but strangely the man and woman just smile at her and say “Eat your supper honey, and be more careful”.

What a beautiful scene all of this is as it flashes through my mind. So real that I can feel the dirt on my feet and smell the beans and cornbread, fried taters and red onions. Only to realize that here I sit looking out at a very different scene, and none of that is real. Kind of sad until I remember that I can go again anytime I wish and once again be drawn in to that wonderful place that I can call mine. This makes me smile as my heart fills with such wonderful memories of a place exactly like that. Knowing that I grew up there and it all was and is mine makes me overflow with gratitude.

PROMISE OF GOD.COM...FOUR SEASONS

7-10-10...http://www.promiseofgod.com/four-seasons/



I know a lot of you have read my blogs and some of you have bought my books. Thank you I appreciate you. I recently was accepted by a site that is going to feature some of my stuff on theie site. Below is one of them and I wanted to share it with my friends. I posted it in bulletins this morning but I realizd that I have a bunch of friends here in blogs that are not necessarily on my friends list and wouldn't see my bulletin. Please click below. I hope you like it. If it won't open for you please let me know. Love to all Clydene

CHANGE CAN BE GOOD

7-5-10...CHANGE CAN BE GOOD

Life can be rough but it can also be wonderful. It really comes down to the way we handle all the fears, hurts, hopes, dreams, and everyday problems that we are sure to face. Just when things are smooth on the road you can be sure that there will be a bump up ahead that is totally going to wreck your cart and all the things that were good are going to come spilling out in a great big heap. What counts is how you handle the spill. You can scream and holler about all the injustices of your life and just leave it lying there, or you can stop, pick it up, and start over.
Many times I have just gone on and let it lay but I always had to come back and clean it up. It's always harder that way so I try to always clean up as I go. Mamma always told me that if I made a mess to clean it up as I go. That way when it is done, it is done.
NO one person will ever view things exactly the way I do, do the things I do, or think the things I think. I learned very early on that there is no way I can bend someone's will and change what the say, do, think, or what they want. We all all unique and different. I can't for the life of me why everyone in the world aren't scrambling for a big plate of fried Okra. I love it. It is delicious to me. I hate Summer and the intense miserable heat it brings and I love winter with it's beautiful snow and ice. I just can't comprehend anyone liking to get their brains baked in the hot summer sun.
God made us all different just the way he wanted each one to be. We all all special to Him. We are the very first High Tech Computers ever built with every part having it's own use in the scheme of things. We are what we are and none of us have a right to push our thoughts and beliefs on anyone else yet we all do try at times.
I've tried to change, I've tried to change others. It doesn't work. We need to be happy with who we are and where we are. Everyone has the same rights and chances that I do. I have accepted me and I have accepted that everyone else has that same right. It is a sad thing that we have to be older before we accept things. I guess we are like they say about fine wine, It's better with age.
I love God, family, friends, Fall, Winter, snow, and a nice warm fire to name a few. I hate liars, being lied to, being lied about, being called a liar, bullies, and summer. As long as I keep the love list longer than the hate list I figure I'm OK and I am satisfied.
My perspective on a lot of things has done a complete turn about. That fact in no way means that I am a different, a better, or a worse person. I'm still just a plain ol' Country girl who talks funny to some and likes Pinto beans, fried taters , okra. Red onions sour pickles, Cole slaw and cornbread. I'm just me and I'm still here. YEP!

THE RABBIT HUNT

7-4-10...THE RABBIT HUNT

As I have aged things have changed with me. I no longer dream of the future and all the great things I'm going to achieve. I am happy with the way things are most of the time. My perspective on most things has done a complete turn about.
My resistance to things like, problems, adversities, feelings, indeed my body does not respond to pain the way it always did. My feelings are much more easy to hurt and I'm finding the least thing and I go on a crying pity party. You would think that I'd have developed a shell hard as nails and not petratable by no but no I'm very vulnerable to everything and I detest that.
My Parents taught me to get up dust off my britches and keep on keeping on no matter how far my face was pushed in to the mud. I thought I would always do that and I built a wall between me and things that wanted to harm me. Somewhere or someone along the way tore my wall down and I became weak and mellow as a kitten. My fire is gone it seems. It was such a subtle thing that I didn't notice it. Getting older and losing resilience was kinda like getting fat, someone had to point it out to me.
When I get in this mode and seem to lose my fight all I need to do is start using my ability to go on back there in my child-hood and reminiscence about things. That'll do it every time but because of my slower reflexes it takes me a bit longer now.
My Grandpa (Pappa) Thomas was an honery old cuss and never a bore to be around. He told us many things that were less than the truth just for fun. Mamma didn't like it one bit but we had fun with him. He told us things like a brown cow gives chocolate milk and the moon was made of cheese and we had to have it proved to us that Pappa was just funning with us. When he told us that if we sprinkled salt on a rabbits tail we could catch it he very nearly got everyone in a bunch of trouble.
One day Brenda and I decided we would catch us a pet rabbit by golly and we knew just how to do it. We were afraid Mamma would miss her salt shaker so we just took the box and off we went. It didn't take long to find a rabbit and if you are familiar with their actions you will know that you can walk almost up to the rabbit before it hops away. I think they kind of sniff out what you are up to doing by instinct or they just like to play tag.
Here we went through the pasture chasing that critter with it staying just a bit ahead of us. The salt was flying through the air. We sneaked, it hopped. When we ran out of salt and gave up we started back home. But wait a darn minute here, which way is back? We hadn't been watching where we were going and though things looked familiar we had gone without watching and we didn't know which way was back home. We had gone a whole bunch farther than we ever had before and there was two 6 year old's lost as two gooses in a fox den. As was typical with Brenda she started hanging on to me, ripping my clothes, and we both wet our britches.
"Brenda turn loose of me you are pinching my arm", but she just dug in deeper. I was never quiet as brave as I acted but Brenda brought out something in me that made me dig in my heels. (I need some of that heel digging right now.) I said "Brenda start screaming, maybe they'll hear us". They heard us all right but the one who heard us was the old ragged man who lived in a haunted house way down in the woods by the tracks. Pappa had told us all about him. Sure He Had! and there wasn't a scrap of truth to it. Pappa always said he was gonna toughen us up and between his stories and my protectiveness of Brenda it did toughen me up.
At least when the old man came up to us we had some sense of where we were. "Run Brenda" I hollered. Well heck fire Brenda was holding on to my arm in a death grip and I was dragging her. I stopped abruptly and of course it had a sling shot affect on Brenda. She went flying past me and now she was dragging me. I mean that girl was moving on now. "Brenda, you're going the wrong way, stop". She stopped and this time I was in the sling shot smack dab in to that old man. We all went down. "Well Brenda you done it this time. He's got us now".
Poor old man had the wind knocked out of him but he was trying to laugh. That just scared us worse. He said "You girls get up off me and I'm gonna to take you home". It took some convincing on his part but we finally figured out he was a good old man even if he did stink and live in a shack. Heck his house wasn't haunted either he said. He led us up to where we could see Brenda's house, patted our backs and he was on his way.
Now we hadn't been gone long but Mamma was looking for us. We told her our story (by the way Brenda still had a vice grip on my arm). We got in trouble for taking her salt, after all a box of salt cost 10 cents and money didn't grow on trees she said.
Next time Pappa came for a visit he was told in no uncertain terms to stop lying to her kids. Pappa really thought it was funny but he knew Mamma meant business so he didn't argue with her at all. I'm not sure if he told us any more of his tales but if he did I don't remember any more run-a-ways because of it. Shoot fire, we didn't even catch that rabbit!!!

TYPICAL 50'S? NOPE!

6-23-10...TYPICAL 50's? NOPE!

We keep hearing and seeing things about the 50's right now because of the Boomers. I watch things on TV from that era if I can find them because almost all I see on TV or in the movies is just plain trash to my way of thinking. I watch , Andy Griffith, The Waltons, and Little House on The Prairie ,to name a few, and hear them say that was typical of that time. I was watching Leave it To Beaver at the time and I thought, “Typical”? HUH? You gotta be kidding me. Beavers Mother was wearing high heels, beautiful dress, & jewelry as she busied herself in her neat little kitchen with all the modern conveniences, some of which were definitely not typical. When Father comes home she calls up the stairs, where for some reason the writers thought kids stayed in their rooms all the time, “Boys dinner's ready”. Now she has Dinner ready just as the Father comes in the door and on the table. She goes walking like a fashion model over to him as he comes in the door and says, “Hello dear dinners ready. How was your day?” He kisses her and says,”Very good and how was your day dear.” Right about now I think I might puke when the boys come in to the kitchen, kiss mom on the cheek and say ,”Looks good Mom, Can I do anything to help? Then when Dinner is over Beaver and Wally say “May I be excused Mom, I'm finished”? Oh Good Grief! A typical evening was no where near that in my home or in any body's home that I knew of. I'm thinking some imbecile is writing this. Even The Waltons and Little house were too sugar coated but a little closer to the way it really was.

At my house, my Daddy came dragging in, worn out from a days hard labor with a pittance of pay. Mamma is getting 'Supper' on the table. That doesn't take long because we don't have a big table full of fancy food. Just some beans and potatoes and corn-bread usually. . There is always someone there to eat with us. Whether Family or stranger there was always someone else there in our house. Norman and I are certainly not up in our 'Rooms' we go there to sleep, we are outside playing or in the front room doing something with our hands and our minds because there wasn't a TV to be parked in front of. Mamma is usually bare foot and wearing an old house dress that has worn so thin she figures it will disintegrate when it is washed again. Mamma hollers, “You kids wash your hands and get to the table”. We all assemble at the table and we are very thankful for what we have. Sometimes we'd like something else but we don't stress out over not having it. And we wouldn't dare say anything like, I don't like this stuff. Give me something else cause I'm not eating this like I heard someone say recently. Heck no. If we were to act that way we'd be whacked a time or two and told to apologize to Mamma for our rudeness.. Norman or I always spilled something ALWAYS, and it was usually ol' butterfingers me. When we all got to the table and got our plates filled the chattering starts and we have good Family time. Now how in the world could any one believe that the Beaver Show was typical is beyond me cause honey it aint nowhere close to typical in the real world I grew up in. NOPE!!!!

BRENDA AND CLYDENE

6-21-10...BRENDA

A lot of you probably feel like you know my Cousin Brenda because I write about her a lot. We are only 7 months a part in age and grew up side by side almost. Our homes were in hollerin' distance. Really I think of her as my Sister and she feels the same way. We are probably closer than a lot of real Sisters
We had fun and laughter together with our Brothers Norman and Paul when we were kids. As we grew and aged and became teenagers, Adults, and now senior citizens our closeness just got stronger.
Brenda got married a lot younger than I did and moved 350 miles away with her husband. At the time I could have cheerfully choked the life out of her husband and later I had good reason not to like him. I missed her so very bad and I was so lost without her for a while that I actually grieved like she was no longer living. Of course I pulled out of that but when Brenda started having problems with her abusive Husband I was there for her just as she was for me later when I had the same problems. First sign of trouble for either of us and we gravitated to each other like a homing pigeon. We could even feel in our hearts when the other one was in trouble and here we'd go like ol' sittin' hens to right what was wrong. It was always that way and it was the one sure and steady thing in our lives for many years.
We are both older and ill now. Not able to travel but we always could talk over the phone. Brenda doesn't tell me but I know her and I know she is more than ill because most times she doesn't even feel like talking on the phone. Her Brother has been to visit her and he said she is not doing well at all. Neither of us are able to travel the 350 miles to visit so that is the way it is.
I'm sure you have all been there when everything comes falling in on your head at the same time. That is where I am. I need Brenda and Brenda needs me and there is not a darn thing we can do about it. Brenda knows I love her and I know she loves me so that will have to be enough. I don't think over all these 66 years we ever once thought about what this time would mean to us. I wrote Brenda a long letter letting her know that I will always be there in my heart for her.

I CAME FROM GOOD STOCK

6-19-10...I CAME FROM GOOD STOCK

My life has not been easy, it has been tough to say the least. I've had more than my share of hard knocks. I don't have the corner market on that I know. Many people have had that kind of life. Mamma always told me that no matter how bad things were I could always look around and find someone in worse condition. I know that is true but that don't make my situation any better by knowing that fact.
My one Ace in the hole has always been to always get up no matter how hard I am knocked down and I've always done that. But don't everyone have the right to stay down and rest a spell now and then? Nope, I don't think that is the way it goes. I have gotten up when I thought it was impossible but I am tired now. You'd think that in those Golden Years they always talk about things would get easier. Not the case. So if you are younger and still out there working just don't think Retirement will be like you've read about or seen on TV. Could be it will for a few but I've not seen many my age who will brag about their leisure days of retirement. I do know some. In fact some I know right here on The Hill. I'm envious of them sometimes and Mamma taught me not to be that way either. Mamma had a beautiful peaceful smile right up to the day she passed in to Heaven even though her pain was enormous. Wow, What an inspiration that Lady was for me. I try to maintain a smile and a happy word for everyone because that was the way my Mamma taught me but it is getting harder and harder.
I miss my Daddy and Mamma so bad it hurts deep in my heart sometimes. Daddy was my inspiration also. He started ploughing fields young. Pappy took him out of school when he was in the second grade and he never got to go back. Daddy worked hard from then on and was never able to let up for a minute so why should I think I have that right now? Daddy was old before his time and his heart stopped when he was only 68 years old. I'm just a little over two years younger than that right now.
My smile is faded for a while but I have no doubt I will have it back soon. I came from good stock and life wont keep me down for long. That is my encouragement at the moment. Yep, I came from good stock by golly and I aint gonna forget that as long as I've got a mind with some limited capacity. NOPE!!!

MAD AS HECK

6-8-10...I'm MAD AS HECK!!

I was watching the news this morning and saw something that just broke my heart. It made me physically sick to my stomach.
They were showing a video of a little three year old girl doing a “Dance?” to a Lady Ga Ga song. I had never even heard of this Lady Ga Ga until I started seeing little girls imitate her. The Mother was being interviewed and she thought this it was perfectly fine for all the sickos of the world to watch her precious little three year old daughter all painted up and dancing suggestively. Now I may be called a nerd or whatever it is they call us now but I'm Proud I've earned that title.
What has happened to Parents who protected their kids boy or girl? I just can't comprehend where their minds could be. Don't they realize what could happen to these beautiful little girls? Didn't they learn anything from Jon Benet Ramsey? It is the parents who enjoy this stuff not the kids. It is the parents that push their kids in to this stuff like beauty contests where babies are dressed to look like floosies. The kids don't want to do it. Parents even make their kids go on diets so their bodies can look “Sexy” or whatever it is they are trying to achieve. What kind of people will these little precious kids become when their parents take their innocence away from them like that? They shouldn't even see things like that at their age.
I appreciate my Parents and the way they raised me more every day. I was never exposed to anything like this and though I was called square in my youth and didn't like it then I love it now. I'm a square still and I shudder to think what is going to happen to these little innocent, beautiful children. It makes me more than sick to my stomach it makes me madder than I have ever been in my life. It makes me want to knock some sense in to those knuckle headed parents.
There I got that off my chest!!!