12-30-10...NOT A GOOD TIME
I try to be happy most of the time and succeed usually. But while Christmas is a Joyous fun time for some I know that there are some who it is a sad time for. I am one of the sad ones at any Holiday. It is not a scrooge Bah Humbug thing but a hurting heart thing.
I have always kept it at bay but this year I could not. Every year it has been harder. I tried to not ruin the time for my loved ones. Some of them knew and asked but how do you explain it. No one can walk in someone else's shoes and know their heart. Most of my family do understand up to a point and never condemn me for it. They love me and they want to help. But there are those that I must be around (in laws) who don't understand. They stuck knives through my heart this year and poured salt on the wounds. I need to spend the time quietly and just honor the concept of what Christmas really means. I make excuses for my actions and just offer my presence so the family that we have left can be intact. I think of past times when everything was so different. When I was happy and joyous. I watch as the kids eyes light up and know this is their time and I have no right to take even one moment away from them. I want them to have the kind of memories I have now. The warm and fuzzy happy heart feelings that will never leave me. I also want some new memories to carry home with me. Memories that keep my heart intact and carry me on for another year.
Please try and understand the best you can when someone seems unhappy at a time like this. If they can't really blend in and add to the time. Don't presume that you know what they are thinking. Don't call them an old curmudgeon or tell them to let it go. You don't know their heart. They may even have heartaches that you don't know about. Christmas is a time when those feelings surface. There are heartaches that can't be healed. They are always raw and painful. Don't make it worse for them.
This is a hard time for me but it will pass. I will once again be happy and try to be a Blessing to others. I will laugh and giggle and have fun. Just not right now. I have to get through this and I WILL! I always have.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
12-22-10...WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
I heard two young Mothers one day talking. It was fascinating to me how things had changed since my Son was a baby. I didn't even recognize a lot of the things they were talking about. One thing I heard though was the same when one of them said in a whiny voice, “Oh how I'd like to be by myself for a while with no kids or a husband to worry about. Never take anything or anyone for granted because you think they will always be there. I cringe and my skin crawls when I hear a Mother say things like that. I always want to say “Oh Honey Please don't say that or wish it”. Wishing and hoping for things you don't really mean or want could come true. One day has a tenancy to turn in to forever.
We all do it at times I know without even thinking about it but simple things like, “I'll be so glad when Christmas is over” even bother me. Is it Christmas they want over or is it what has been made of Christmas. Christmas in my time 60 years ago was simple and sweet, warm and fuzzy. It was a house full of love and understanding. There was no rush to the stores and being rude or dealing with others who are rude. It was families being together, sitting at a table together and feasting on each other not a big gourmet meal or things that are expected though we don't really want or need. We had the opening of gifts Christmas eve night which was not necessarily the Right way' but Our way.
Christmas today for my family is still being together. It is fellowship and visiting. It is my brother and me talking about our childhood and his boys talking about their childhood along with my son Richard. The young ones listen to us and make memories for themselves later on down the line. I buy gifts for my Great Niece and Nephew and no one else. At my age what do I need. I have everything I need unless you can give me a magic pill to give my old body less pain. My gift is being with my family and feeling the love that is flowing around me so sweetly. And that kind of gift doesn't cost anybody anything.
I heard two young Mothers one day talking. It was fascinating to me how things had changed since my Son was a baby. I didn't even recognize a lot of the things they were talking about. One thing I heard though was the same when one of them said in a whiny voice, “Oh how I'd like to be by myself for a while with no kids or a husband to worry about. Never take anything or anyone for granted because you think they will always be there. I cringe and my skin crawls when I hear a Mother say things like that. I always want to say “Oh Honey Please don't say that or wish it”. Wishing and hoping for things you don't really mean or want could come true. One day has a tenancy to turn in to forever.
We all do it at times I know without even thinking about it but simple things like, “I'll be so glad when Christmas is over” even bother me. Is it Christmas they want over or is it what has been made of Christmas. Christmas in my time 60 years ago was simple and sweet, warm and fuzzy. It was a house full of love and understanding. There was no rush to the stores and being rude or dealing with others who are rude. It was families being together, sitting at a table together and feasting on each other not a big gourmet meal or things that are expected though we don't really want or need. We had the opening of gifts Christmas eve night which was not necessarily the Right way' but Our way.
Christmas today for my family is still being together. It is fellowship and visiting. It is my brother and me talking about our childhood and his boys talking about their childhood along with my son Richard. The young ones listen to us and make memories for themselves later on down the line. I buy gifts for my Great Niece and Nephew and no one else. At my age what do I need. I have everything I need unless you can give me a magic pill to give my old body less pain. My gift is being with my family and feeling the love that is flowing around me so sweetly. And that kind of gift doesn't cost anybody anything.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
CHRISTMAS
12-8-10...CHRISTMAS
Christmas was never about gifts for my family. When we were very young and still believed in Santa of course the gifts were great but later as we grew up gifts became less significant. It was a day of family , closeness, and love. We had a large extended family then. Lots of Aunts, Uncles, cousins and anyone who had made their way into our hearts and our home.
Christmas was a warm fuzzy feeling that something significant and wonderful was about to happen. We were Thankful for what we had and the ones who we shared with.
Dinner was just like any dinner. We ate what we had. I don't remember ever having a turkey. Daddy would kill a fat hen from the chicken house. Mamma made the best cornbread dressing you ever laid your tongue to and her dinner rolls would melt in your mouth slathered with some fresh butter that I had usually shook in a jar. Then there was the Southern Pecan Pie. There was a big pecan tree in Brenda's yard and the whole family cracked the pecans and picked the nuts out with a bobby pin.
On Christmas Eve we always had a Program at the Church. The kids usually portrayed the birth of Jesus in a play. Then we had a living Christmas tree. The men built a wooden structure in the shape of a Christmas tree. We all stood on the layers as it went upward and someone was The Christmas Angel on the top. I remember getting to be the Angel one year. I had an angel costume with golden wings provided by the Church. The Angel got to wear a star on their head. It was beautiful. Each child held a beautiful ornament and we sang Christmas Carols with the lights dim so we could sparkle.
On one side of the stage was a huge Christmas tree (Cedar tree) that the men brought in and sat up. We had lots of lights and we made strings of garland with construction paper. We also strung popcorn and cranberries. That was as festive as we got.
I don't see Christmas as it was or should be any more. That warm fuzzy feeling that I got is harder to come by now. People around the stores are rude and in too much hurry. All over the store is Santa and his reindeer. Now Santa is OK with me, I don't have a problem with Santa. I do have a problem with Santa, trees, and gifts being the focal point of Christmas. I think if one more person says Happy Holidays to me I will explode. We got our Greatest Gift long ago when little Baby Jesus was born in a stable and laid in a manger. That was THE GIFT that means something. That is what Christmas is all about.
Christmas was never about gifts for my family. When we were very young and still believed in Santa of course the gifts were great but later as we grew up gifts became less significant. It was a day of family , closeness, and love. We had a large extended family then. Lots of Aunts, Uncles, cousins and anyone who had made their way into our hearts and our home.
Christmas was a warm fuzzy feeling that something significant and wonderful was about to happen. We were Thankful for what we had and the ones who we shared with.
Dinner was just like any dinner. We ate what we had. I don't remember ever having a turkey. Daddy would kill a fat hen from the chicken house. Mamma made the best cornbread dressing you ever laid your tongue to and her dinner rolls would melt in your mouth slathered with some fresh butter that I had usually shook in a jar. Then there was the Southern Pecan Pie. There was a big pecan tree in Brenda's yard and the whole family cracked the pecans and picked the nuts out with a bobby pin.
On Christmas Eve we always had a Program at the Church. The kids usually portrayed the birth of Jesus in a play. Then we had a living Christmas tree. The men built a wooden structure in the shape of a Christmas tree. We all stood on the layers as it went upward and someone was The Christmas Angel on the top. I remember getting to be the Angel one year. I had an angel costume with golden wings provided by the Church. The Angel got to wear a star on their head. It was beautiful. Each child held a beautiful ornament and we sang Christmas Carols with the lights dim so we could sparkle.
On one side of the stage was a huge Christmas tree (Cedar tree) that the men brought in and sat up. We had lots of lights and we made strings of garland with construction paper. We also strung popcorn and cranberries. That was as festive as we got.
I don't see Christmas as it was or should be any more. That warm fuzzy feeling that I got is harder to come by now. People around the stores are rude and in too much hurry. All over the store is Santa and his reindeer. Now Santa is OK with me, I don't have a problem with Santa. I do have a problem with Santa, trees, and gifts being the focal point of Christmas. I think if one more person says Happy Holidays to me I will explode. We got our Greatest Gift long ago when little Baby Jesus was born in a stable and laid in a manger. That was THE GIFT that means something. That is what Christmas is all about.
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