Monday, December 22, 2008

CHILDISH FEARS

12-21-08...CHILDISH FEARS

Christmas Day is coming soon and I was thinking what we used to do every Christmas eve when we were teenagers. Up on the Hill above Altus is the Historic and beautiful Catholic Church. It has sat there as long as I remember looking down over the little town of Altus. Since we were Baptist that old Church was very mysterious to us. Even kind of spooky for some reason I don't understand now. The kids had their Catholic school up there until they entered the 9th grade then they came to our school in Altus. Just kids the same way we were but that Church held so much imagination for us. We wanted to see inside that big beautiful and mysterious building.
We were told that The Church had Midnight Mass on Christmas eve. We went to Our Little Church in Denning on Christmas eve but we were always home by nine and as we were teenagers we could go somewhere else as long as we were home by 11:00. Whoppee! eleven o'clock. Now boy howdy we were up in the world now.
A bunch of us decided we just had to go to The Midnight Mass at that Church. It would be an adventure, satisfy our curiosity, and heck fire we could be out after Midnight. Now that was a good thought.
We all went to work on our Parents to convince them to let us go. It took a lot of convincing to, let me tell you. My Daddy said, Now Clydene if you go anywhere else, or do anything else I will know about it. You do know that don't you? OH Sure Daddy I know. We are only going there Daddy and after all it IS Church.
There were seven of us in an old studebaker that one of the boys drove. Not much of a car. (I heard once that he picked up his girl friend one night and her foot went right on through the front floor when she stepped in. HE HE!) Anyway that night we were all in there at 11:30PM getting ready for our great aventure. By the way I was number seven. Brenda had a boyfriend and there were two other couples but Auntie wouldn't let Brenda go unless I went to and I had no boyfriend to my Daddies delight.
Now if you are one of my Catholic Friends let me say right now. Please don't take offence to any thing I might say. We were kids, we were walking into something we knew nothing about. Something that had facinated us for years. I will admit to being a little apprehensive before going in. I will admit to being downright scared spitless before I came out.
We sat down on the very back seat. We knew how to behave in Church but things were different there. In the first place we didn't understand what was said. A different language. (German I think) We didn't know what to do. I got to looking around and all the ladies and girls had head coverings. We had none and we were afraid we were doing something wrong. A girl we went to school with looked around at us and we thought she looked embarraced. (She said later that she was not). We all looked at one another and mutally agreed without saying a word that we should just leave as quietly as we could. I was the first one out in the aisle and was trying to hurry without running. I had my head down and walked smackdab in to someone carrying a lantern. It was dark. He reached out to steady me. When he took my arm I believed with all my heart that THE DEVIL HAD GOT ME. I just knew I was going to be punished for doing something wrong. I was never so scared in my life, not of the Church but what I thought I had done in A church. I said I'm ssssoory, I'm sssoo ssorry. I looked up into the most gentle eyes. He was smiling at me. The others were behind me and we scurried out with someone holding on very tightly to my arm to steady me. I found out later it was Brenda. Of course it was Brenda. Anyway I was very ashamed. I talked to one of the kids who was a member there after Christmas break and she assured me it was OK. No harm done and we could come back, which we did every year after that for several years. We learned things that we hadn't known before. It was good for us. But that first time was and is still one of the things I wished I had not done. Aren't kids funny? Scared of the unknown until they experience it. I guess I am still that way. I cringe from change. We get comfortable in the way we have always done things and want to stay there. Different is just that, Different until you have experienced it one time, then what's the difference??

GRATITUDE AND LOVE IN TRYING TIMES

12-21-08...GRATITUDE AND LOVE IN TRYING TIMES

With so much sadness in our world today. So many worries that we all face with sickness and death, unjustice, ect. It is hard sometimes to look on the good things. I've been in that position for several weeks now. Finding it hard to enjoy all the blessings that God gives me every day. Well That is flat wrong, very wrong! I said to myself, Clydene It is time for you to snap out of it. Stop the self pity and remember the way Your wonderful Parents raised you.
We had so little when I was growing up and yet so much. We were some of the best blessed kids ever and it is time I just stop complaining.
Today was our Christmas Sunday at Church and it was beautiful. At the end of the service our Pastor got a chair and a story book and called all the kids up to sit on the altar all around him. As I looked at those sweet little faces the tears started flowing down my face. There was a little boy with a deformed face and hearing aids in each ear. He sat close so he could hear. Another little boy in almost the same shape was so hyperactive that he couldn't be still. His Parents were not there. They abandoned him and his two sisters to foster care. Thank God They are still together in one home. Another little boy lives with his grandparents because his parents are both in prison. There was one beautiful little girl in a red velveteen dress. All dolled up. She has anything she wants except Parents who care about her welfare or about providing love and a supportive family life. She was there with a Aunt. One little girl was so skinny she could have been a skeleten, but she was dressed beautifully. She was with her Parents and Grandparents. But this little girl is sick and may not see next Christmas. I made up my mind to make an effort to try and make these precious childrens lives better in some way. Even the ones who appear to have a good home life some of the Mothers and/or Fathers are not there.
The reality of it all hit me full force. Everyone has a cross to bear. Some are almost unbearable so who am I to think I'm the only one. There was a couple there who just lost their 22 yr. old Son in a car crash. He was hit by a drunk driver. His sweet Parents had to sit at his bedside for the past two weeks watching their precious Son die. As I gave them hugs, cried with them and for them, I told them I AM HERE FOR YOU. I've been there. I will offer a shoulder and a warm heart to them because I believe that is my purpose. It don't get better but it does get bearable.
I know there are many here on The Hill who have been there too. I offer You the same shoulder and warm heart full of love. I go through these periods every year at this time but I have vowed not to do that next year. I'm 64 and I have a lot of living left to do. Those precious little Children and Those grieving parents showed that to me this morning. I'M THANKFUL, I'M BLESSED.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!!! AND GOD BLESS YOU