REGRETS

12-22-08...REGRETS

A couple of years ago at this time I finally gave up and decided I had to take care of something that had been a thorn in my side for a long time. I had a friend back in high school who had been my best friend all through our teen years. When she got to doing things that my upbringing had taught me to be wrong I had to walk away from her even Though I did love her. We grew up, drifted apart and went our separate ways. I left the state but she never did. And she never stopped the things she was doing, never changed. Somewhere in the recesses of my heart she was still there. I remembered all the good times we had and how very close we were. Things happened that brought us on the same path again through the Church we had attended all our life. We takked but it was like strangers and nothing was resolved. Then she did something that hurt me so badly. Just broke my heart. We had been such good friends. I couldn't understand and the human in me fired back with a letter that told her just what I thought of her. My Mama kept telling me it was wrong to go on that way and we should right it. But NO! That old human nature took hold of me and hung on.
Then in 1999 when I moved back home my Mama kept trying to get me to do something about it. The letter I had written had really hurt her. Well I said, She hurt me first, she owes me an apology. Mama said Honey the best thing you can do is make the first move. Be a bigger person. You know I am right. Well of course I KNEW she was right but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. My Mama passed away in 2001 and I was devastated.
Then two years ago my Mamas sister called me. Clydene ---- is dying. She is very sick with cancer. Your Mama always wanted you to apologise to her for the mean letter you wrote. No Auntie ( I call all my Aunts that) I don't owe her anything. My Aunt cried. She kept calling me and trying to get me to do it. By now she knew the whole story and even she believed that I owed her no apology but she kept after me.
I prayed about it finally ( what I should have done from the start. I hate my stubborness) and come to realize that I wanted to get this off my heart. This woman was dying and I owed her my love and support. Lord Help Me Finish this.
She was so bad now that she couldn't have visitors except family. I got a card and I poured out my heart to her. I reminded her of fun times we had had over the years and told her I still loved her. I told her I was sorry I hurt her. I mailed it the next morning. That night my Auntie called me and told me she was gone. Died during the night.
She never got my card. Because I was so set on the right thing and knowing in my heart she owed me an apology I allowed that Lady to go to sleep without me doing something for her. I was wrong!! I'll live with that. Please if you have anything against anyone, It is just not worth being right. You can't get a day back. All we have is today. No tomorrow no yesterday. It Is Always today, and today is when we have to do these things. Oh How I wish I had.