MELANCHOLY

10-6-09...MELANCHOLY

a feeling of thoughtful sadness

a constitutional tendency to be gloomy and depressed

characterized by or causing or expressing sadness; "growing more melancholy every hour"; "her melancholic smile"; "we acquainted him with the ...

black bile: a humor that was once believed to be secreted by the kidneys or spleen and to cause sadness and melancholy

somber: grave or even gloomy in character; "solemn and mournful music"; "a suit of somber black"; "a somber mood

I didn't want to say any of the above so I'll just say I have been melancholy for several weeks now.
I'm getting tired of covering up my gray hair, wearing long baggy shirts to hide my corn pone hips, or to hide the age spots on my face. Heck fire that is too darn much trouble. Besides that it takes too much time from the things I still find enjoyable.
I like to remember my youth fondly but not try to achieve any of it again. I want to sit in my chair and rock as I watch the beauty of the changing seasons around me. I want to see what I can see while I can still see. I want to go as many places as I can while I can.
I don't want to remember any hard, sorrowful , or tragic events in my life. But I do want to remember every one of the sweet, magic, exciting, and wonderful memories of my life because I have had a bunch of them.
I don't want to regret anything I have ever done or said, (though I surely do sometimes). I've been told a bunch of times that I need to leave the past behind. Well I respectfully disagree with that. What I try to do is cry for happy and also laugh for happy. Remembering things makes me stronger and more determined to rise above the bad and be proud of the good.
It is kind of like a great painting, a masterpiece so to speak. Paint it all as you go and when the paint is dried and flaking you still see it just as it was when the paint was still dripping. Fresh and new and alive.
I want to keep the young girl in me alive and healthy. I want to look back on it all and smile. A old lady once told me, “Honey even the worst, most tragic and hurtful times in your life you can always find something good that happened then also”. I got to thinking about that and putting it in to practice. You know what? By golly it works!! We don't have to block anything from our lives, we just have to learn how to look on them and say, “JUST LOOK WHAT I LEARNED FROM THAT. LOOK WHAT I GOT OUT OF THAT”!
So now as I sit here with gray hair, wrinkles, sagging body, and forgetful mind, I will have no regrets, I will not worry about how others see me. I will be very content with what I am!!!! YEP!!!