9-13-08...MY TONGUE WILL BE THE RUIN OF MEMy mouth overloads my brain often.. At the time I really need to keep my mouth shut it just erupts in to stupidness and goes spewing out like a volcano.
Someone gave me a gift once. Now I swear I thought it was a prank gift. You know a white elephant gift? I burst out laughing and said "Oh this is sooo, stupid." The hurt look on her face should have jolted me back to reality but Nope! Not me. I just kept on making comments and having fun. Heck I thought that was what was expected of me. Hey this is a joke, Right? Well, Duh! No it was not a joke. I started spluttering and back tracking trying to cover up my stupidness. Every word that spouted outta' my mouth just rammed both my feet deeper down my throat.
One day a friend had gotten a new dress. I didn't particularly like the dress but of course I wouldn't have said so. When we got where we were going there were other ladies all around us. I looked down and saw what I thought was her slip showing and very politely pointed it out to her. She informed me that was part of the dress and was not her slip. My mouth went in to high gear then and I said, "Oh my goodness, are you sure? I've never seen such a thing. Something is wrong with that dress". We were both embarrassed and she was miffed. Good Grief me and my big mouth.
Then there was the wife of my good friend and neighbor. I had practically grown up with him and he knew me and my mouth well. He and his wife had been separated for a few months and just got back together. They came by my house and I noticed she was pregnant. I asked her when the baby was due not thinking a thing about it. I mean that's what you ask don't you? Just an automatic question isn't it. Thing was she had gotten pregnant while she and my friend were not living together. He was the Father. Anyway I said you look like you are close to delivery. She got up and ran out of my house. My friend explained it to me. I guess it is obvious what she thought I thought. Good Grief!! Chalk one more up to my big motor mouth.
Not too long ago in Church I was commenting on how a Mother and Daughter seemed more like sisters. The Daughters young son said. "Are you saying Grandma looks young, or are you saying my Mom looks old." Here goes that never ending spurt from my mouth again. I said, "I'm saying they look like sisters". Well now heck fire. Through the week I got to thinking. How stupid can you get Clydene. When I saw them again I was trying to explain myself and said to the Daughter, "You don't look old at all". Then I turned to the Mother and what I meant to say was "You look very young". What I said to the Mother was "You don't look young at all". OH MY GOSH!! If I could bridle my tongue I would be so much better off!!! My tongue just flaps way too much don't ya' know?? YEP
9-13-09...AccountabilityMy parents always made me accountable for my actions. I knew they would but I was a little stubborn spitfire.
One day I was standing before my Mamma telling her a ball faced lie about something I had done. She knew I was lying, and I knew I was lying. Mama just decided I WOULD!!! tell her the truth. Hey! Where did you think I got my stubbornness?
I can't remember what I was even lying about but I do remember that I fessed up and what my Mamma said afterward. "Clydene if you always tell me the truth then I'll always know I can trust you. What if someone would tell me something bad about you and I couldn't be sure whether to believe you or them? That would be a hard thing for me and I would be hurt. But if you always tell me the truth then I will always know I can believe you and I can take your side on anything". That has never left me. I think about it often. The impression it left on me has always carried me through everything. I detest being lied to, being lied about, and being called a liar. Those three things make my blood boil hot.
It always hurts to be second guessed and have a friend question what I am saying. A true friend or family member would never think twice about believing every word I say. Yet when someone will at times begin to question me and show signs that they are not believing a word I am saying and even start out to try to prove me wrong, it is devastating. I have some in my life right now who do that to me. I know they are not true friends but I can't just walk away from them. I just feel bad for them that they were not raised to tell the truth the way I was. My Daddy said all the time, "People who doubt, and don't trust anyone are the ones not to be trusted. They are judging you by their selves". You got that right Daddy. I find that out more every day I live. YEP! We gotta' be accountable for our actions and our words. We just need to watch our mouths!!!!
9-11-09...THE CRAZY HORSEI've wrote about Smokey before. He was a huge gray horse that Brenda's Daddy owned. He was mean and we were all afraid of him but Sid would not get rid of him. He thought Smokey could be a good gentle plow horse.
He decided one day that he would break Smokey to ride and we could all enjoy him. Now let me tell you, I don't know what the others thought about it but I would have never rode that old horse under any circumstances .
Sid got a saddle somewhere and attempted to put it on Smokey. Smokey bolted knocking Sid down in the process. Auntie was calling him crazy, stupid and lots of other things. She said, "Sid you can not break that horse to a saddle, you don't know how and you are going to get yourself killed". Well you could just see Sid stubborn up. He was even more determined now. He tried several more days and finally managed to get the saddle on without getting his head knocked off. Then came days and days of trying to get up in the saddle. In the meantime every time I got a chance I'd go look at Smokey. I got to where he would look at me right in the eye and I would talk to him. I really thought he was communicating with me. What he was probably doing was wishing he could get loose and plow my stupid face in. I kinda got to thinking maybe Ol' Smokey and I had made friends. I'm really surprised now that I didn't try to climb on his back. Thank God I didn't!!!
Norman and I was out in the yard one day playing. We hadn't seen him yet but we heard Sid hollering, "Nubbin, Look at this". (Nubbin was what everyone called Norman. Later shortened to Nub). About that time we saw Sid and Smokey through the big Persimmon tree. Sid was sitting proudly in the saddle. He was grinning from ear to ear proclaiming to everyone listening, "I did it"! Well I'll be He did it, he really broke that ol' mean horse. Yep sure nuff' he did. About that time Smokey's front feet went up in the air, and Sid went flying off the back side right in to the hard dirt road.
Auntie came out the door of her house and we took off toward Sid. We were told to stay back because that ol horse was headed our way then. He was crazier' than a bessie bug!!!!
Sid wasn't hurt much, mostly his pride and his back side. He got a worse tongue lashing from Auntie than any of us kids had ever got before. It didn't help nary a bit though. It just seemed to have strengthened Sid's resolve to conquer that horse. He hired some bronk busters who did it for a living. They declared that Ol Smokey was a lost cause after one day on the job. We finally got that ol' nag out of the pasture then because Sid finally sold him. I never heard how the new owners fared with Smokey but I doubt he ever became a docile sweet ol horse like our Dixie was. Nope just wasn't in that ol horse to be gentle. He was just flat mean. YEP!!!
9-10-09...
SMOKEY THE MAGIC DRAGON
Sometimes I find myself wondering when in the heck I got so old. Well as a matter of fact I don't really call myself old or fat. I'm pleasantly plump and matured. There that sounds much better doesn't it? Yep!
But it seems like yesterday I was young and happy, skipping along on dirt roads barefoot in the Ozark Mountains of Arkansas. I never dreamed of getting old. I guess I thought I'd always be young and vigorous. Full Of life and Mischief. My body and mind were strong then and my major' problems were small things.
I remember when I was growing up how much fun everything was. Things like squishing my toes through black mud, or chicken, cow, or horse poop. Delicious!!!!
What I did Brenda did. Later our Brother's were right there too. I guess you could call me the ring leader because I was a bit more spunky than the others. I got them all in trouble sometimes. But Most times we covered for one another.
One day we were playing softball in Brenda's pasture. There was a cow called Pet, and a horse called Smokey in the pasture with us. We were all scared of the horse and had had some run in's with him. Smokey was getting' too close for comfort one day so I threw the ball at him and said, "Shew Smokey, get out of here"! I had done this before and smokey would run off. Well this time I hit him in the head with the ball and he got mad. He started raring up and stomping his feet. He was shaking his head and getting ready to charge. I got scared but I also got tickled and was crying scared with a giggle fit. I said, "He looks like a fire breathin' dinosaur. I even could imagine that I saw fire coming out his nostrils.
The others were already climbing under the fence and there I stood. I heard them calling me to hurry but I was fascinated with that dragon. I started shaking my head at Smokey and stomping my feet on the ground and growling ferociously . I think I had transformed myself in to some kind of fairy tale land because what sense I had was floatin' around in space somewhere.
Smokey got real still and ducked his head but I just got still and ducked my head. Every stance he took I copied it. By then Smokey must have had himself worn out but I was still snorting and raring to go. Heck fire now I was having a ball.
My Auntie had come in the pasture behind me without my knowing. She grabbed me around the waist and I was on the other side of the fence before I could blink twice. She wore my butt out and gave me a tongue lashing, then sent me home. I went running down the lane with Norman right behind me. I ran in the house and Yelled, "Mama, Auntie threw me over the fence for no reason"!! Well you know Mama didn't believe a word of that and she found out for herself what had really happened real quick like.
I got my butt' burned again right there. I know now how scared Mama and Auntie must have been. That night when our Daddies got home we all ate supper together and I got so many hugs I was almost in Fairy Land again. But Not Quiet because by then I knew exactly why I had got two butt' beatings. Of Course I deserved it all. Well maybe not all the hugs. TEE HEE!!!!
9-8-09...Getting Old Can BE GOOD!!! YEP!I've been talking about the quirks of getting old but there are some good things about it too.
I can say all the stupid things I care to and no one seems to mind. They just give me an indulgent smile that says, "Poor thing she don't know any better, Bless her heart" HE HE. What they don't know aint' gonna hurt em'. I use that guise to insult some young whippersnapper who thinks he knows it all. I can say most anything I want to and not get nary' an argument.
I recently came across two young men at the grocery store where I had gone after Church on Sunday. They appeared to be about 16. One was carrying my groceries out of the store. The other one got out of a car in the parking lot. The two young boys were busy talking and I wasn't paying much attention at first. I became interested when one asked the other, "Where have you been all dressed up like that"? The other boy replied, "Oh my Mom made me get up and go to Church this morning". The other boy said, "Oh Man couldn't you get out of it?" That's when this little ol' lady said, "You look so handsome honey. It didn't hurt you any to go to Church did it?" Then I turned to the other one and said, "And it wouldn't do you any harm either sweetie". I guess it was the honey and sweetie that kept them from telling me where to get off. Or could have been my age and how fragile I looked when I said it. Whatever it was, after my groceries were tucked in the back seat they both smiled sweetly at me and said, "Have a good day Mam". I said, "You too honey". I'm not that fragile either don't ya know?
Then one day I asked this young person, "Honey are you a boy or a girl, I can't see good enough to tell". Of course I could see but I didn't know if this person was a girl or a boy and I was really curious. I had already given it a hug and I just wanted to know what I had hugged. It was a she and it didn't get mad at me. It was not acting courteous in a public place. My hug had cooled her down a might.
Then one day in the Doctors office there was this young boy sitting there with a cast on his leg and dirty stringy hair tied back in a pony tail. Hey I'm cool with the long hair I just would have liked to see it clean. I was being good though and wouldn't have said anything. Then his buddy came in and they started bragging about how he had gotten the broken leg on a motorcycle. Talking and giggling in bad language about the stunts they had pulled on motor cycles. Now guys this just came spilling out of my mouth. I swear I had no control. I said, " That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life! It is not only stupid to show out on a motor cycle but for you to sit there with a broken leg and brag and laugh about is is the height of ignorance. You both need to be taken to the wood shed with a peach tree limb"!! You could have heard a pin drop on the carpet I'm telling you. Those two boys looked at me like, What the heck is she talking about? They didn't look shocked or offended just dumb founded. I said, "Honey please be careful from now on and let this broken leg be a lesson to both of you. I'd hate for two good looking young men like you to be killed on a motorcycle because you were joy riding". They both said, "Yes Mam", and not another word.
Now us oldie but goodies can get by with things like this usually with the younger generation and may be able to get through to them. I know that one day I will spout off my mouth to the wrong one and just might get my jaws boxed. Yep! Sure nuff' could. I'll let you know when it happens. YEP!!!!
9-6-09...EARLY MORNINGI don't do well with Mornings any more. After so many years of alarm clocks, jumping up, and getting out for a job I've had it with early mornings. So if you want to make an appointment with me its gotta' be late morning or afternoon. Well Dr's don't go along with that. They want things such as blood tests or any other procedure done at daybreak or sooner.
Last Monday I had to be at the Hospital early for a "simple' procedure. Ha! I would have liked to rub that Dr's. face in his procedure all night long the night before. I'll show him simple!!!
Before finally getting in bed at 2 AM I had to set my alarm clock for 5:30 AM. I hate them darned alarm clocks with a purple passion. When that alarm went off it scared the stuffins' outta' me. Sounded just like a space ship in one of those goofy movies. First I covered up my head to try and shut the noise out but it just seemed to get louder. By then I knew it was that stupid alarm clock. My back was to it so I proceeded to turn over so I could turn it off. Now let me tell you turning over is not a simple or fast thing for me anymore. I kind of flop over which I did. In flopping over I somehow got all tangled in the covers kinda' like a cocoon or a mummy. Couldn't get my dad blasted hands out. I used to have an alarm clock that would go off and blast for maybe a minute and that was it. Not this one! That sucker screams at you till you shut it off.
After I fought my way out of the sheet I reached over to turn the alarm off. It was dark and I was just feeling around on the night stand to find that dad blamed clock and knocked a bunch of stuff off in the floor including the clock. It bounced over by the dresser and just kept screaming. Well Good Grief!!!
I managed to get the lamp on, found my glasses which Thank God were not in the floor, stepped out in the floor and stepped on my wrist watch. OUCH!!!
Well I couldn't eat or drink anything so I brushed and rinsed my teeth, washed my mouth out without swallowing any, washed my face and got dressed.
When I got to the Hospital they processed me in and put me in a very little room to wait. It was exactly one hour and fifteen minutes later that I went to the door to make sure they hadn't forgotten I was there. I was informed that they of course hadn't forgotten me. Well maybe they hadn't forgotten me but almost immediately a nurse appeared with her basket of tools and started poking and jabbing at me. She made me black and blue before she found a vein that worked then took me upstairs where I waited fifteen minutes more before they came after me and got the thing going.
By now I was just dragging along. Just remember pain after that and finally it being over. Here it is six days later and I still have the battle scars. My right hand has been every color from blue to burple , to pee green, and shows no signs of being normal again.
So that's the story of the simple, early morning, procedure that took almost five hours to finish. GOOD GRIEF!!!!!
9-6-09...HOLIDAYS???When I was growing up there were not many Holidays that we celebrated. But then I don't think there were as many holidays then. Were there? Heck I don't know. Labor Day? Just like any other day in our house. It's the same for me today. Seems like there are too many so called Holidays' now. Most of them don't mean a thing for anyone but a picnic and a three day week-end. I seriously doubt they even know what the celebration is all about.
The Holidays we observed when I was growing up were for Family, Love of God, and everyone coming together in harmony and appreciation. Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving
The only thing I remember about Labor Day is that our new school term began the day after Labor Day. We didn't need days set aside for picnics. We indeed had picnics often. Our Picnics were just anytime we could all get together with a big wash tub full of ice and cokes, sandwiches, potato salad, pork and beans and something like cookies for dessert. YUMMY! The picnic would be in somebodies yard with everyone contributing.
On the 4th. Of July we all took our picnic to Turner Bend where there was a place for swimming and everyone was there from everywhere. My Papa's (Grandpa) birthday was the 4th of July so the day was more special. And Yep, we knew what the day was set aside for and the meaning.
I guess I'm just getting too old and set in my ways but I think most of the so called Holidays are just a reason for picnics that can turn in to something that doesn't even resemble what I call a Family picnic. Also have you noticed how many Holidays have been changed from the real day it originally was to Mondays? Three Day Week-ends??? Yep!
9-3-09...GROWING OLD GRACEFULLYI'm sure you all have heard the term, Growing Old Gracefully. Well there was a time when I envisioned that very thing. Sitting in the shade under a big shade tree with my granny hat on a big glass of iced tea or a steaming cup of coffee. Just wiling away my senior years in leisure. Free from worry and all the stresses of my younger years. Watching the birds and listening to nature around me. Stupiiiddd! What goofy thoughts. Honey it aint' that way at all. At least it isn't for me.
The only chair I am cumfy' in is my recliner with my feet up in the air. The thing I watch is my toes wiggling at the end of my foot, TV, and out the window where I wish I could be.
I'm not a bit graceful. The spring in my step has fizzled in to a fall if I aint' careful.
When I drag myself out of bed each morning I aint' listening to the birds. Heck I am making so much racket with my grunts and groans, bones poping like rice krispies, stumblin' and draggin' along hoping my feet are followin' me.
I turn slowly to the night stand and get my eyes on, focus for a minute then stumble out to the kitchen where my coffee should be brewed and ready if I'm lucky. From there I go to the Bathroom with shufflin' steps tryin' to watch my feet over my belly to make sure I don't stumble over sumpthin'. In the bathroom I sit on the pot if I have made it there in time. Here comes some more gruntin' and groanin' as I sit down and again as I get up. The next thing this graceful ol' gal does is splash cold water in her face to try and revive myself. My teeth are waiting in a little pink cup on the vanity.
Ok, Now I look in the mirror and decide that aint' me staring back out. But it is such a funny sight that I get myself an early mornin' giggle which always helps. By now I'm hoping that I can at least straighten up and walk without groaning. Sometimes I can.
It seems like hours now since I drug myself outta' bed. What I really wanna' do right now is just take my eyes and teeth out and off and go back to bed. Heck I'm worn out already. But I don't do that. Nope, I gracefully!? Move on out to my recliner, put the heat pad on my back, put my feet up and look to make sure my toes will still wiggle, watch the news on TV, and just Thank God that I have made it this far.
By now it is about 8:00 in the morning. The rest of the day looms before me and I am determined to make the best of it.
YEP! I'm definitely growing old But I sure aint' graceful about it. NOPE!!!!
8-29-09...PLEASE DON'T TRY TO HURRY ME
This story has to be told no matter how I feel. I need to giggle. Do you need to giggle? Yep Thought so.
I went in Wednesday for an MRI to determine what is causing the horrible pain I'm experiencing. First thing the lady at the reception desk was having trouble with her computer. She tried and tried to get my insurance card to go through and they just kept saying I was not insured by them. The poor girl was getting flustered and so was I. She wanted me to pay a down payment because she knew the medicare would not come close to paying the bill. I was upset and in a lot of pain but I just kept telling myself to cool it. Think Clydene Think,! I thought, She is doing her job. But hey now I need this MRI and I have probably $20.00 in my purse. Besides that I know I have this supplemental insurance so I can't just walk away and let this go. I asked her why she didn't get on the phone and call them. She did, three times to be exact. No Dice!
In the sweetest voice I could muster up I said, "Call them back and let me talk to them". She did, and I did. Come to find out she was giving the wrong birth date. GOOD GRIEF!!
By then I was late and the girls were waiting on me and they were flustered. They started rushing me right away. Their schedule was off. Now folks don't try to hurry up a 65 yr. Old lady in pain. Most people know this but this young girl had not learned that yet. NOPE!
She handed me one of those glorified bibs that they call gowns. You know what I mean. They cover nothing. I can never get the dang things tied in back. She put me in a tiny room and told me to take everything off except my shoes and put the bib on.
I started disrobing. I was down to my panties when I noticed on the wall in front of me this gigantic mirror. That sucker started at the floor and went up way above my head. Oh My Gosh! The site before me scared the stuffins' outta' me. YEP! I almost let out a scream. Now tell me what in the name of all decency would cause them to even think that anyone would want a full length mirror in that tiny little cubicle. What I needed right then was a pot, not a mirror. GOOD GRIEF!!!
As I stood there in shock there was a knock on the door. "Miss Overbey, are you ready"? To which I replied, " Just a second honey", What I wanted to say can't be recorded here. But hey I didn't say it. Nope. I hurried as fast as I could into that bib, opened the door and said very sweetly, "Honey would you help me get this fastened behind"? She did that though I felt reluctantly and we were on our way. I took my shoes off before I laid down. She very hurriedly twisted me the way she wanted me to lay and put headphones on my head. "What kind of music do you like". "Put it on 88.9 please", which is our local southern gospel music station. She did that and started putting me feet first in to that chamber. Thirty minutes later they took me out and took me back to that cubby hole where my clothes had been locked in. I couldn't get the darn ties un done on that dang bib so I just pulled real hard and tore the darn tie off.
Now Guys, Through all this ordeal I kept my cool. I wanted to box ears and slap jaws but I didn't. Hey the only thing I did that I shouldn't have was break the strings on that stupid bib. I'm Proud Of Myself. YEP!!!
8-25-09...SHOUDA HADA COUDA WOUDAHow may times have I looked back on things and thought. Oh, if I just wouda done that different. If I hada done that I couda had this and I wouda been so much better satisfied. Sure nuff I wouda but if I hada then what wouda that caused. Sometimes I just drive myself bonkers this way. And what on earth difference does it make now. IT'S DONE and that's that.
That has been my thoughts for quiet a while now. Why did I marry him? I'm talking about my second husband. I was young when I married the first idiot and didn't have enough sense to know any better but not the second time. The second time I shoulda' known better. I was still young enough that I coulda' had a very happy life. But I thought I needed someone beside me. A helper, a companion, a friend. I though he was it. I met him in Church. I thought he was a kind generous christian man. I thought he would be a good stepdad for my 11 yr. Old son. I thought so many wrong things.
He ended up destroying my life, my happiness, my peace, and my self esteem. He took the best of me and stomped it in the ground. I hold him indirectly responsible for my Son's death. He took me away from all my Family. I saw my Daddy only a few times the year he died.
I thought I couldn't get away from him. After my Son died I gave up completely and just didn't care.
Now here I set in tormenting pain and I am wondering WHY?
We can never go back and wondering why is just a waste of my time. I'm 65 years old and I don't plan to waste anymore of my time dwelling on, couda, shouda, wouda, or if I hada done it different. Nope! I'm not wasting any more time. Within the next few months some things are going to change in my life and they are going to be well thought out and Prayed about. Which by the way I shouda, done in 1982 when I married him. YEP!!
8-20-09...SLOW DOWN! GATHER SOME TREASURES!My Goodness the world needs to slow down. Everyone is in such a hurry that they can't enjoy their life. No one even wants to stop and just visit anymore. What is the hurry I'd like to know. I realize things are different now that they were in my time but Good Grief! It just seems to me that most people now a days want it that way. I guess there are more reasons to be busy now than there was then. I just know that being too busy causes you to miss a lot if you don't take time to relax and enjoy things around you.
When I was first married in 1962 I was like that. Hurry, hurry, hurry. My house was always spotless. Not a wrinkle or a speck of dust found anywhere. I mean if you so desired to do it you could have eat off my floors.
When my son was born in 1971 I had suffered six miscarriages already. He was so precious to me my hurry up came to a halt. I didn't care if you could plant a garden in my dust, or eat yesterday's leftovers off my floor. Heck fire no!
I gave Richard all my love and attention. He never lacked from his Mamma being in too much of a hurry to pay attention to him. I rocked him, read to him, laughed and giggled with him. I gave him so much love. When he was old enough I took him on picnics, camp outs in the back yard, fishing, swimming, skating, pizza parties and the list is endless. In other words I enjoyed him at my leisure. I quit my job and stayed home with him through his tender years not going back to work until he started school.
I enjoyed every minute of my time with Richard and I now cherish those memories. I had no way of knowing that his sweet life would be cut so short. I am Thankful now that I didn't hurry up while I had him. I would have missed so much. I saw his first tooth come out and I still have that tooth. What a treasure.
Please friends, slow down. Don't say you can't because you can. Enjoy everything and everyone in your life. Take time to visit friends and family. Give everyone a piece of yourself and just think how much you will gain. Store up precious Memories in your heart. If they are taken out of your life too soon open up all the treasures they left behind for you to enjoy. GOD BLESS ALL WHO READ THIS.
8-19-09...THINGS TO PONDER I see these things all the time titled, THINGS I'VE LEARNED. Well these are some things I really hope I've learned. When I meet a grouchy rude person, I think, Well that was me just yesterday and I thought I had a good reason. No telling what this person has on his/her mind. I've tried to learn that when I get way down in the mire and just stick there, to hold my arms up to the Lord and kick like I was kicking the devil. God expects us to offer a little too and not just depend on him to do it all. Well! Do you expect to have to do it all? I've tried to learn never to argue with my spouse but just say I know you are right honey, then just go ahead and do what I had started to do as long as it is not something hurtful or STUPID! Likely in the long run he will think he did it himself if it works out. I hope I've learned who my true Friends are. They are the ones who will cry with you, not offer unheeded advice, let you cry on their shoulder and not say "WELL HONEY so and so had this worse than you have and they did OK. Hey, It is not going to make my situation any easier knowing that millions of others have had the same problem. It is still the same for me, I feel for them but right now let me think of myself for a little while. A true Friend is there for me when I need them or I am down in that bog. The other friends are great and I love them but when I get all bogged down they run the other way. Heck Why should they get muddy with me. And I think the best thing I HAVE LEARNED Is: Cry out to God first and foremost and He will supply those Friends to help me and be with me While HE Works The Whole thing out!
8-19-09...A TRIBUTE TO RICHARD
Richard Don 02/05/1971 to 07/17/1987
Still alive in my heart.
My Son was only 16 when he was killed in a car crash. I checked out of life for a while. (very bad thing to do) I even asked God to take me too but of course that was bad too. I wallowed in self pity for a long time, bad bad bad. I wouldn't talk about Richard to anyone just kept it all bottled up inside. I didn't sleep much, didn't eat much, quit my job, blocked out my Friends and Family, and just generally tried to stop living out in the open. These were all wrong but the worst thing I did was to stop going to Church and stopped Praying. Somehow God got through to me (He was the only one who could and I knew that but I was shutting him out also). God made me see that I had a life to live and people who loved and needed me. Richard was my only Child and my Pride and Joy and I was letting his memory stay in the recesses of my mind. God guided me through it and it wasn't easy but I finally decided to enjoy life again. I can and will talk about the tragedy now in hopes of helping other's in the same situation. I remember the good times with my Son and I can smile again. I Thank God for allowing me to have this precious boy in my life for 16 and 1/2 years. He was a Joy and I still feel Joy just thinking about him. Right now I am smiling through tears. Yes I do still cry sometimes but today I am also smiling!!!
8-18-09...Things That Fluster Me, And Shouldn'tSome things that bother me shouldn't. I find myself getting all frustrated and bothered about things I can do nothing about. That Is what this event, (below) reminds me of.TWO CROWS AND A MOCKINBIRDI was looking out the window this AM from my breakfast and there was a big black crow in a drainage ditch poking around and eating (no telling what) and all at once two Mockingbirds flew down. One got on either side of the crow and started dive bombing him. The crow tried fighting back for a while but that didn't work. Then he started trying to ignore the pesky mockingbirds. Well that didn't work either so that ol' crow just wore himself out trying to avoid them and keep at the task of poking around at the muck below him. I was wondering to myself, Now self why would those Mockingbirds be so persistent in trying to run off that ol' black crow. I don't think they want what that crow is consuming! Finally the crow grew weary enough to fly away and I thought to myself, Now self I'll see what those Mockingbirds were so mad about. Well those two little mockingbirds looked up for a while as if to say, " well we got rid of that sucker! And then they just gracefully flew away also. I still don't really know why the little birds were wanting to chase away that ol' crow but it just made me think. Isn't that just the way I am sometimes. If something or somebody don't look just right to me I just might try to chase whatever it is away. They didn't want what the crow had. They just didn't want the crow to have it either. Then there is another thing I thought about,- If you pester me enough I just might be tempted to fly away too without knowing why. Of if I pester people who frustrate me, maybe they would fly away. Now that's a good idea!Sometimes it takes hanging in there and letting the bothersome things not be 'SO DAB BLAMED BOTHERSOME' !!!!!!!!!!
